#love #whyisithardtolove #aspieanswers

This video is to share my thoughts after watching lostboylooking video on his hard hat thinking Tuesday of a topic that we all tend to think about of why it’s hard to love someone or hard to say l love you to someone else that we may like.

You can find lostboylooking channel here:
Introducing Lostboylooking

Videos l mentioned in the video was as follows:

What is love -link:

Losing ourselves and yet loving ourselves – link:

Power of love -5 Love languages – link:


Thanks for your support and thanks for watching.

To watch my thoughts on this – click here- https://youtu.be/xwwFoJNgP-k

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*Just a quick note before I start writing my entry for the day- this is from my channel on YouTube – the link to it is here if you wish to see my video: https://youtu.be/Gamxszasp5M or  you can find the video by clicking here as well on the playlist under POEMS I HAVE WROTE: Spoken Word- The Real Truth about being a girl.

I shall let you readers decide how you want to do this as it will pay to have video up as well as my writing to understand what I am saying to you all.

Now, let us begin my writing for the day:

Today, people always say girls of this generation are so vain.
People always say that girls of this generation are so plain
That most of these girls put their brains inside their books.
Instead of focusing on their portrayed good looks.
I do blame girls too.
Why do I blame girls too?
Listen up and closely to what I’m about to say,
We’re all now having to have the “Perfect body”, “Perfect shape” and the “Perfect hairdo”

Then and only then I take a step and great look at this bleak world we’re living in,
I opened my grey eyes to see the truth about being a girl today.
You and I as a girl hear guys say some real rude and crude stuff about us in how they imagine and envision us to what and how they want us to be,
“Dude, she’s ten times tighter than the girl who you were hitting on and getting a quick ray!”
Or, “l want to hit up your sister one day!”
Or, “Her arse looks like a railway track like these stretch marks but unless it’s big like Kim Kaye.

I never grew up thinking all of these things that has been said and taught as the insecurities and self-doubt started to creep in.

Don’t blame me when I thought about boys at a certain age
As I thought about deeply dinner dates and long lasting soulmates and not fuckboys to look at or down on you as a shark bait.
I’m sorry if I’m too old fashioned to you into what was taught and has been instilled in me
This is who and what I am and what I see
Sorry but not sorry.
This sort of mentality and attitude towards girls breaks my heart.
For every girl growing up in this world and we live in.

Instead of a decent boy or young man showing he cares by sending a text message of “How are you?” “How was your day?”
We girls nowadays receive degrading text messages of “Are you up and do you want to have a fuck!”

I am standing up right now to you to tell you this, “I am not a tool, trophy or some object and many other labels you may want to label me as.”
“I am human and I do have a voice.”

And I do have something to say and no I don’t what to shut up and listen  as the roles and tables has been turned as it is now my time to speak and stand up on my TRUTH.
Don’t forever assume that I or any other girls belong just in the bedrooms of yours.
I/we women belong in a conference room or any other room for that matter that I/we crave for affection, praises and the right sort of attention.
And for anyone that thinks that this generation is plain and vain.
And that there’s a reason because that reason is that us girls has been and always been held under the microscope day after day.
Being held under some sort of force or some conceptions, ideas and more and the very thought of beautiful or being being beautiful doesn’t seem to exist no more.
And to you boys out there that you may as well start having a a checklist or to tick along in that specific checklist that we meet your guidelines/criteria
So, here’s the list for you boys to check if we qualify and to satisfy your wants, needs and expectations-
BIG BUTTS, BIG BOOBS, SKINNY/SLIM WAIST, Oh and let’s include small nose, plump and filled lips, BIG HIPS, HAIRLESS & CARELESS,

But, in all fairness- I do want to be seen as beautiful too,
But, don’t get me wrong- that list you’re envisioned or dreamed of at correct
That this is all a joke to some as all of us girls comes in different shapes and sizes.
I don’t want to be demeaned
I’m not the same girl that I was at sixteen.
I mean I’m stuck in between transitioning from being a girl to a young woman.

Growing up in a crazy world- that has taught me to look sexy
To get a degree
Maybe some kind of makeup or beauty surgery.
But, never or not to disagree with misogamy.

A world that has not taught me how to be a “Real” woman
That we’re living constantly in fear
Fear of our basic healthcare and health needs will disappear,
Or even our pay check can be somehow be smaller than the man that does the very some job as us even if do a better job than them,
Or the boss just tells us girls to stop giving blow-jobs.
If you just want a raise, that we girls have to sacrifice and compromise
Show me above into what lies above those thighs.

Oh boy, – Come on – puhleeze!”
The moment you want what you want from us as well as also misidentifying and/or misunderstanding everything.
Was when you forgot or want to forget that not even a hundred years ago
I could not vote.
You look at what happens when you’re trying to demote
The very beings and bodies that gave birth to you – puhleeze.
We’re used to it all of what you and society has thrown at us and yet we all girls are appalled but certainly
We girls don’t know what it is to feel like to be free.

A quality is that it’s not just about calling someone out,
A quality is having accountability and taking responsibility for their own actions
A quality is education from classrooms to courtrooms to conference rooms and to computer screens
It’s using the fast and growing technology for the greater good.
And for the “Me too” movement
And for equality – it’s for TRUTH.

This strong voice that you’re hearing today as I stand is going to be breaking through the silence, tribulations and barricades
As all of this and more needs to be broken and no one that can’t or won’t exist shouldn’t have to be tolerated.
It goes for all of you!

Changing the future – cleaning the path for every woman and man
It’s all about raising the next generation
To know that not only does the voice matter and counts BUT it will be heard and that’s why we got the power in our hands to change
Because- we will not sit down and/or back and nod and smile
While certain people wants to reconcile to the rules to be fertile.

Sorry, this is my life and body baby!
I maybe a young lady but my parents always told me to speak out and fight against the injustices of any and every kind that matters to me.
So- here I am today speaking out for all the ladies in the house,
We will not stop the fight til we get the rights
We shall and will not be silenced no more
For every woman of race, gender, disability, colour, size etc in this place of this world.







I know that there are times when in our lives that we try to do what we can to hide our pain, fears and darkest secrets so that no one in this world need to know what is going on or even how we are really feeling. You fear that you may get judged or criticised for what you know in your heart is right and then the world is telling you that you’re going the wrong way. You know that in your heart that you are craving for something that you wanted for so long – no matter what it maybe. Maybe you’re looking for love. Maybe you’re looking for respect. Maybe you’re  looking for forgiveness. Maybe you’re looking for hope. No matter what it is that you feel that you’re losing a never-ending battle for what you want. No matter what you feel that you’re not going to be able to come out of your shell ever again to what you want to see the world in a different light. I have found this to be true with me! Many times, I have felt this way myself,  believe you me. I know that no matter what was said to you that you felt you were living in a dream. You felt that you were maybe living in a darkest moment of a nightmare and felt that no one would hear you or even care about you enough hence you gave up on what you thought you knew in your own life/world. I have tried to connect in many ways myself and that no matter what that people may say to me it is all in my head. People may say that I am only lying to myself and to them to how I feel. They’re not me! I know what my reality is! I know that despite the pain and everything that I have felt for so long that I need to find an escape. I need to find a place where I can feel safe and secure. A place that I can call home or even a security blanket that can wrap me up  warm. I know that I don’t need to validate my feelings or even share what is on my mind as some part of my world is suffocating me right now in spirit! Yes people may think I am a drama queen. Many people may think that I am crazy. I am just doing what I feel is right for me and no one can do it for me only ME. I am the one that is in control of my thoughts, feelings and emotions. I know that there will be a time that maybe I need to let go of what I once knew or what was once was. Letting go of some of the baggage or even some of the thoughts that I try not to think of is a MUST. Letting go. Need to be free from the pain and everything that didn’t belong to me..




Goodbye 2017 Hello 2018/2017 Rewind

Goodbye 2017 Hello 2018/2017 Rewind

I know that this one is really late of my entry yet I had to take the time out to reflect onto what is it I need for me- just me! I have been obviously in past few years looking out for others interests and that now I need to be sure that I am looking after myself.

I did a video based on a montage of what my year was like for me in 2017 to give you all an inside look to my life of what it can be like. I do have my good and bad days like you all. I try to take the bad and make it into something real and positive.

To watch it, the link is: https://youtu.be/uSE8nICUic0.


There’s nothing more beautiful than just the way how nature shows and graces its appearance and beauty in all its beauty and form. While it sleeps and chooses to grow throughout every season continues to smell the fragrant air, hearing the birds and sounds of nature in amongst it all.

There’s nothing more wonderful than as we walk along the cold and smooth sand as the waves comes rushing at our feet while in time of the tides of change as well as seasons of change comes thereafter a change that takes place in us. Yet, as we know that the sea doesn’t forever change as the sea awakens and returns to us once more to us in hands of love, peace, hope, sleep and serenity. As well as my empty and broken soul upon your swift lips.

It’s quite funny and imaginable yet in reality that we were or once lived in the past and keep on being alive and yet was trapped, I am now alive and free to live in the now. Living in the moment-our moment to conquer, our moment to breathe, our moment to shine, our moment to fight, our moment to rise, our moment to fall, our moment to succeed, our moment to fail. 

Now, you’re alive and breathing, you’re living in the NOW.  Now as in your souls, spirits and minds. Not letting the mind control you. Take a real deep think or look around at this time last year as you’ve come this far in your journey of life and doing better than you ever were and could have done possible. Yes, you may have had some doubts about what you can do and can accomplish but besides all of the odds you still achieved it. It wasn’t about YOU. It was your turn to lean on someone in whom you trust and believed in and you’ve proven time and time again you’re not a little child or a little girl anymore. You’ve proven that you’re grown up and mature and that you’re grown into a young woman of who you want to be and how you want to be. In saying this, that you’re learning from your past mistakes and learning to let go of what was and never can and would be- letting go of some of the expectations that has been put on you – learning to stand up again when you’ve fallen- Learning to forever be patient in what’s to come. The fog and dark clouds of self doubt that was whispering in my ear of the pure white lies for who and what I am but do I choose to listen? Do I choose to invite them in my life ? The thing that is most wanted from many of us is wanting to be cured or fixed but do we want to be? Yet, the truth is I’m all that I’m becoming – A young woman that’s more aware and alert of the changes in and around me and to accept any changes and challenges that lies ahead.

No turning back now- Time to move forward and strive for my greatness. 







To the many friends who has left me because of my Mental Illness

To the many friends who has left me because of my Mental Illness

I am going to be real and transparent to you all who maybe reading this right now and if need be to expose almost everything out of the dark skeleton closet. This letter I’m reading/writing to you all who is reading this is one of the many that are the hardest to write to date to really expose my thoughts and feelings. Yes, I’ll admit to you all that sometimes I can be a pain in the arse or whatever yet it’s not fair or even good to even try to label me with everything under the sun. Why? Because that will just strip me from everything that I have been working myself on and that I also have hear them all before and I am doing best to be the best I can be for ME. Yet, let me tell you that these labels doesn’t deserve to be put on me as they should be put on the books or even on glass jars.

I know that there will be people that will come and go in our life for a time, reason, season and a purpose. May be they are there to expose us, to tear us down, to build us up. Yet, whatever the reason- or terms of events of some situations that we do personally struggle and go through in life of what we may face and what we go through will sure as hell test us who’s real and who’s going to be there as well as having our backs right to the end of tim. This can be a test also based on TRUST. Trust for me has always been hard for me to remain as to whatever it may be that the quote I lived by is this: “Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair.” I do find it hard sometimes to trust people in my circle, so if you come in and then I start to open up to you my worst and dark fears along with secrets. Congratulations. I am now entrusting you with my life to trust you for whatever I share with you will remain between us til that time comes if need to reveal or share it to the world.

As I write this to you all and while you are reading this – I want to say this from the bottom of my heart thank you. That is the truth that is all I can do right now just to thank you. I want to say thank you for being a part of my life when you did decide to come in and be there for a time, season, purpose or reason. I want to say again thank you for leaving me and making me a stronger younger woman despite it being a real and scary as well as an emotional rollercoaster. I have now opened up my eyes wider and to see deeper to realise that all of this has to be done for me and me only. MY CHOICE ALONE NOT YOURS. I have now opened up my eyes wider and to see deeper to realise that this step I am making for change is for me to get better in myself in all areas – mentally, physically and spiritually.

Yes I’ll admit again that this can be the hardest decision you and I will ever have to make to date while having a mental illness to constantly seeing people that walk in and out of your life but at the same time this gives you and I a chance and opportunity to reevaluate and think about our relationships. If you were not ready and able to handle me now at my worst then you’re sure as hell not ready or so don’t deserve to be there at my best.

I want you to know while I sit and write/read this to you that mental illness is real and it’s not fake. You may or could get or have some type too. But, let me tell you that brains like any other organs we have are beautiful and that they’re responsible for so many tasks to do. And like any other organisation of the body or system – they can and will get sick. The fact is about our minds that it too becomes sick yet it takes years to notice before it starts to manifest into something else. When it does finally arrive and come knocking at our door to make its presence known, you might be able to minimise the pain for a short period of time or a short while without anyone noticing as we try to hide it as best as we can and not to show how and what it feels like but after holding or suppressing it for so long, it comes back like karma and a boomerang that keeps on returning and never leaves.


Too people around you- it’s like a quick and sudden change of moods, thoughts and attitudes all in a quick 360 in a short period of time and space. But in fact, it has been there all along- just real slowly and deeply stabbing you like a sharp dagger.


At some point in your llife- depression can and get so bad to the point where we just want to stay in bed due to the lack of motivation and energy that has been drained out of us or even to the point where it comes when we brush our teeth it becomes a choice and not a chore or part of a routine. Eating our meals of the good three times a day routine is nearly impossible and can go out the window as well as keeping up with homework/schoolwork or just general work that we do everyday can be and will be or become a challenge. Maintaining friendships is also a difficult task. I expect you to understand how I feel some days after to what I have been sharing pen to paper or in this case keyboard to screen or even just by watching some of my videos to share my life story.But, all I can do again is hope since you may not have experienced mental illness then again maybe you have but at some point in my life just being there for me can be more than enough as well as important as in talking to me and keeping in touch with me everyday. A call or a text message will be greatly appreciated as you took the time out of your day to see how I am and what I am doing.
What I do know and understand is this- in how hard it is not to have people in your life that you can turn to or to reach out to that you thought you were your best friends, confidant and more. You thought that you could seek out and just talk to them. What I do know and understand is that any mental illness of any kind doesn’t or can’t define me. What I do know and understand is that I will not invalidate myself just because of my mental illness or beat myself up if I have already lost a few friends along the way or even try to cry myself to sleep or worry about it. I believe I shall and will become better- I shall and will win the little accomplishments that I have made I should be forever grateful for of what I do everyday- Just being able to be in the moment. To breathe, live, love, laugh, dance and sing along with any other activities I love to do to build me up and look deep down to find out who and what is the real me.I shall and will keep practicing or continue to practice self-love and self-care. I shall and will seek help when I’m ready and when I need it. I wont let this stigma of mental illness win.


Aspie 🙂

GOODBYE 2016- HELLO 2017

GOODBYE 2016- HELLO 2017

I know that this is a late entry to share with you all on what I have been thinking as the year of 2016 is now over and that we should be looking into the changes needing to be done in 2017. Changes as in like maybe resolutions that has been fulfilled and achieved yet. I know for me that there is a lot of changes that has been happening for a long time and that it is a matter of just sitting down most of the time to relax, reflect and rewind.

What 2016 and many past years has taught me so much especially through all my difficult and trialling times as some of you will know what I have been through of late and that in saying that it has taught me so much more as I grow as a person- spiritually, mentally and physically. As we all grow that yes life has it’s lessons to teach us through our hardships as well as the times that we are winning. Believe you me- I have had a lot of setbacks/throwbacks from all shapes,sizes and forms. Yet, life is all about accepting what is and what isn’t along with appreciating with what we have got in our lives by counting our blessings as well as seeing what we have got is well worth it.Don’t get me wrong –  I still make mistakes now and then like any one of you- yet at this point of time I don’t need to be reminded of some attitudes that you think or beliefs that you think that needs to be changed as my own spiritual and personal growth is for me to decide what needs to go and what needs to stay.. As saying goes- time for throwing away some old trash etc.

I am still learning some of the most precious life values and morals to this day but I still have them inside of me.
I have now started to not be too hard on myself yet that is the hard part as always have done to strive for success and perfection. Yet, there’s no such thing as perfection right? How would I define perfection is the action or process of improving something until it is faultless. Yet, I believe to this day that I am still a working progress in myself with God’s Hands moulding and shaping me to be the right and perfect woman for the guy that will come into my life and show me more than what I know and never thought of dreaming it to be real.

I am now starting to also beside not being hard on myself but to keep trying to learn to love myself and be at peace within myself. Yes, this sure as hell has been a hard one for me yet I am getting better with a lot more practice. Self love like anything will come over time. Sure I still have my bad days but I still try to take it one day at a time and to accept myself. In the “Five Languages of Love.” by Gary Chapman- He himself shares with the readers about how to give and recieve love and they are as follows:

1. Words of Affirmation: Think Self-Love

*Practice daily affirmations. Our thoughts precede our emotions and behaviors.
*Recite mantras that encourage self-compassion. Bring your attention to being good to yourself.
*Journal your strengths and everything about you for which you are grateful. Document everything you accomplish, feel good about, do right, like about yourself, etc.
*Keep your self-talk positive. Turn down the volume of your inner critic and choose to be your best coach or cheerleader.

2. Acts of Service: Do Self-Love

*Prepare healthy meals for yourself. Put thought and effort into grocery shopping and meal preparation.
*Create an organized, clean and aesthetically pleasing home environment for yourself. Love where you live, even if on a budget.
*Schedule regular physical, dental and mental health check-ups. Address any health concerns in a timely manner if they arise. Without your health, you have nothing.
*Groom yourself with love and care. Put yourself together so that you feel like the beautiful person that you are.

3. Receiving Gifts: Absorb Self-Love

*Buy only what you love. Don’t allow things in your home and closet that don’t bring you positive vibrations. (While you’re at it, purge that which does not bring you joy.)
*Gift yourself with an experience on your bucket list. Always wanted to sky dive or go whitewater rafting? Budget it out and plan it. Enlist the help and support of friends as needed.
*Invest in your education and advancement. Want to pursue a higher degree? Take a cooking class? Learn how to be a yoga instructor? Do the research, apply for grants and scholarships, volunteer to learn new skills. Gift yourself with knowledge.
*Treat yourself to the wisdom and perspective gained from travel. Limited funds? Consider volunteer or service work or pooling together resources with friends and traveling on the cheap.

4. Quality Time: Be Present with Self-Love

*Set aside time for daily mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. These devotions will help you connect with your highest self.
*Make time for leisure and hobbies. Time for play and enjoyment is an important aspect of celebrating the gift of life.
*Prioritize sleep and exercise. You must reboot and revitalize your physical being.
*Do not over-schedule, over-book or over-commit. Your life is worth more than being a gerbil on a wheel…

5. Physical Touch: Feel Self-Love

*Stretch your muscles and give yourself a massage with a foam roller. Relax into your body.
*Release toxins by taking a hot bath with epsom salts. Release the stress and soak in the love.
*Moisturize your skin with lotions or oils. As you touch your skin, thank each body part for all it does for you.
*Give yourself a spa treatment: manicure, pedicure, facial, deep conditioning treatment, etc. Know you are worth extraordinary care.

Self-love is a journey for all of us. It takes dedication, devotion, and practice.  We need to resolve to love ourselves each and every day and watch our best self blossom and your greatest life unfold! Self-love is an exponential force.This is what I am trying to do with myself in some parts to what is shared in the process of self-love. 


Next one I admit is still a bit of struggle and that is patience. Yes every one does have their strengths and weaknesses to whatever it is that they are doing and that for sure is me. I have been impatient for some things to happen in my life for the better and for the good. I always tend to challenge and question myself to why is this happening to me? When will the __________________ stop? and so many more questions that does go around my head. But, I have now learnt that sometimes in all good time I shall receive my reward. It is all about time and more.

Friendship. Now, again one of my many struggles is trying to keep maintaining some friends in my circle yet again, there’s not many in my circle anymore. I have come to realise as we grow older and wiser that sometimes most of the time to what we go through will test us to see who will remain there. Yet, for whatever reason to why I have lost a lot of friends along the way that is fine by me as I know that there are always situations that will change regardless of all this. I know also to what I am going to say will be more said based on my next entry is that with my mental health I know that they have left me and sometimes it can be so lonely and dark without having people around me since I am the kind of girl that tries to strive to at least have her self independence. I also want to at this time to thank the ones that has come and gone in my life as this has taught me so many things. I am not going to be forever bitter towards the ones that has been gone for a while now. I made a choice to some parts to know who I should keep in my circle and who not to keep. The ones that will uplift me and support me. I only have a few people that I do contact on Facebook and other social media sites now and again that I could call acquaintances or friends as I have met some in person. Yet, in saying this however that I feel more at ease just to try and talk in front of the camera or even just to sit and write like I am doing now.

Forgiveness and letting go- This one did take forever to learn yet now I am starting to not show any signs of bitterness and hate towards people in my life as well as just letting go of some situations that was holding me back and not even bringing me any good fruit. I know that there will still be times that I will have my bad days and good days – yet it is how I will approach it.

Controlling my feelings and emotions- Now this is sure as hell the hardest one of the lot. Despite that majority of the time, I believe that I am a strong person and that I don’t show that much emotions yet there is a breaking point for us all. I do believe that I may sometimes let it slip for a time too despite my little meltdowns and how I control all these is again by choice -UP TO ME. No one else. I still learning this sometimes. Especially when it comes down to it I am now trying to learn to speak up and out about somethings that are unjust and unfair. Then, somedays I will get slapped on the knuckles (*figuratively speaking).

So, much more to share yet that is fine by me as this is some of the areas I would like to share with you all for now.





No matter how hard it is in life we need to realise that we are the ones that are fully responsible and accountable for our own thoughts, feelings and actions. We can’t blame any girl that we may have got in our lives as we’re not the ones as a job to make you happy as we are all in charge of our happiness, future and destiny.
Never blame your wife/girlfriend or friends if you get frustrated, angry etc at her as the only reason behind this is that there’s something that’s triggering inside of you and only YOU. They’re your emotions and responsibility. When you feel these feelings take time to get present with them and to look within yourself and admit that something is wrong and ask yourself that it’s only YOU can heal yourself and you’re attracted to this woman for a reason and that reason alone is because she’s best suited to trigger all your childhood wounds, scars and emotions as she knows what pain is as she endures it more than we realise. She’s there for a reason and that reason also is to be there so that you can get healed from them if you choose to get healed. When you’re healed within yourself and no longer triggered by this then you’ll begin to wonder why you over them in the first place. FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying all the weight of the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM and CHOICE.

When you…

When you….

When you’re down and things are getting hard and tough for you don’t push away the people that matters to you most in life like your friends and families cause the more you push them away it will be too late and you’ll lose them for good. Families most importantly come first no matter what happens in life through the good and the bad as they need to stick with us. Some families can choose to stick with us or just go and leave us to fend for ourselves. Tonight I have realised that the ones you need the most is the friends and families you’re closest to. They’ve been there for you no matter how hard and tough the situation is. They never leave your side. You never know a good friend till you lose them and realised they are gone and it’s too late. We need to stay strong for the ones that are needed regardless of our situation; this will test us for our way of life through the good and the bad… Reach out to the people who loves you and who you love because you’ll never know but one day just one day they might surprise you.

Emotional Baggage- TIME TO LET GO AND LET GOD

Emotional Baggage- TIME TO LET GO AND LET GOD


Today, in this world that we live in right now that there will be alot of pressures in life as well as also dealing with our own personal struggles. You see that everyday we tend to carry something with us be it emotionally, spiritually and physically. Yet, at the end of the day, again this is our choice into do we really want to carry this burden for life or do we wish to let go?

Emotional baggage is an everyday expression or saying  that correlates with many people around the world today; as it generally or usually  relates to any of  unresolved issues or matters  that people are carrying around from year to year without resolution that you have allowed to fester, build up til breaking point and become a part of your everyday life and  then it changes you to who you really are and what you really are as a person


Emotional baggage is a state of mind/being in which you refuse or choose not to let things go and move on or forward for the improvement and advancement of your life, and not to focus on where you’ve come from or you’ve been.


If you’re depressed, guilty, angry, fearful,  or any other hang-ups that’s hindering you, stopping you, holding you back. This will mean that you may be in an emotional state that stemmed from something that happened to you in the past. Nine times out of ten, that’s an implication that you are carrying around emotional baggage; which can soon become a hindrance to your personal growth/development – spiritually, mentally and physically and this  can be detrimental to your health, life and the people who are around you.

As a metaphorical image, it is that of carrying all the disappointments, wrongs, and trauma of the past, around just in one heavy load.

In our adult life or as we become an adult, emotional baggage comes in two main forms.

  • First of the two is that there are the often negative expectations created by previous relationships, perhaps of an abusive nature – a kind of bondage to the past that can contaminate new and potentially more positive interactions.

The second type is of  the memories that we hold onto and that is  contributing to the adult emotional baggage  that are recurrent bringing-up of the history of the current relationship, with the result that the  minor problems in the present become overloaded by negative currents from earlier times which cannot be resolved or set aside for the good.


Behind every adult problems, however, there may and usually will  be  some deeper forms of emotional baggage that has been stemmed and  rooted in the experiences of childhood, but continuing to trouble personality and behavior within the adult.


  • Men and women may be unable to leave the pain of childhood behind, and look to their partners to fix this, rather than to address more adult concerns.
  • Cultural and parental expectations, and patterns of behavior drawn from the family of origin and still unconsciously carried around, will impact on a new marriage in ways neither partner may be aware of.

Similarly, as parents, both sexes may find their own childhood pasts hampering their efforts at more constructive child-rearing, whether they repeat, or seek to overcompensate for, parental patterns of the past.
We all need to check our emotional baggage once in a while to check if we do have any. So, check your baggage, luggage, knapsack or whatever else that you are carrying right now.

The funny thing is that we don’t think we have any baggage at all but let’s be real that we may do and that we need to deal with it somehow!


I can hear people now and thinking as well as saying to themselves this!!


“Did she say check my baggage; I ain’t got no baggage to check; maybe she need to check her own baggage!” LOL!!! “Ain’t Got None!” We all got  some form of baggage, some a bit more than others, but we all got it. We seem to think that it’s always… “It’s them, not me. It’s their fault, this relationship didn’t work out.”


Have you ever just considered the fact, that it might just be you and not them? While am writing this and that you are reading this that for sure I am just as guilty right now as I did have a lot of baggage in my life and that I thought that it isn’t possible to get through it all and to let go.


Then you wonder why he/she stop calling!


It wasn’t the fact that your eyebrows where drawn on too thick, or the fact that your eyelashes looked like spiders and/or the fact that your weave frizzed up at the sight of water and was weighing you down because it was 32 inches long.


NO! The reason why he stop calling and what is really weighing you down, is all that emotional baggage, you’re carrying around.


And just so I’m clear; right now, I’m talking to my Ladies, I’ll get to the men shortly! But Ladies, I’m talking to you right now, because I understand how you feel and what you are going through as been there and am now I am learning to let go of all things that doesn’t belong in my life no matter what it is.! Trust me and believe me that  I’ve definitely  been there and deciding everyday is a new day for no mistakes so time to throw away what doesn’t belong in my life. And if you don’t think you have, check my list below of the 5 ways you can tell if you have emotional baggage or not! I’m sure out of 5 you will have at least 3 that you can claim. As I have checked this and it’s safe to say that I can so relate and all.


  1. Low Relationship-Esteem. You seem to riddle your relationship with self-doubt, self-negativity and so much. You can’t find the good in yourself so you can’t find the good in your relationships, and I’m not just speaking of intimate relationships, I’m talking all relationships that we have and got, period. Business, Friendships, Partnership, etc.
  1. You’re Paranoid. You stay on watch- day and night out for any hurt; a bit suspicious, about what could happen to ruin the relationships and you have little trust in the person, without any given reason; especially if you’ve been burned in the past. But in order for a relationship to work, you have to trust each other.
  1. You Compare Your Current Relationship To Past Ones. This goes beyond the truth of simple paranoia. It’s more subtle and insidious. You find yourself when you enter into new relationships, pointing out similarities and/or almost similar character traits, personality traits, etc. in the new relationship and base it on the previous relationship; especially if the previous relationship was an abusive one. Believe you me. I used to do this a lot and that is how it affected some of my relationships that I had in the present day.  But what’s even more crazy and insane is that it may not even be similar traits; it may all be in your conditioned mind. You consistently find yourself forming new unfulfilled relationships simply because of unfortunate similarities that you equate to be equal to the past relationship.  It’s so important that we don’t filter our past relationships into our current ones and only focus on the relationship at hand
  1. You Throw Up The Wall Of… “Won’t Happen!” This is so unhealthy; not just for the relationship but for you as a person, who is trapped behind this wall, with no intentions on ever getting over it! Holding back emotions, feelings, and/or love and reliving the painful events from the past in ways that it affects your present, is not going to get you over the wall! This can only keep relationships stagnant and keep you trapped in your pain!  “It won’t happen to me no more!” Repeats itself over and over again in your mind, until the relationship is diminished and you find yourself searching for another one! And it repeats and repeats and repeats!!!
  1.  Commitment Phoebe: So now that you have decided to scale the wall a bit! Not quite over it because now it’s something else, COMMITMENT ISSUES! Commitment-phoebes are everywhere, and you don’t just have to be carry around emotional baggage to be one; but that’s a whole other article. However, in many cases, the fear of tying oneself down can be indicative of a deeper problem. If you’re not giving any of your relationships half a chance, it’s time to do some soul-searching.  There’s nothing wrong with being single, but is it what you really want?  And if it’s not, what’s making you hesitate when you come across the possibility of love, commitment and a fulfilling relationship with a significant other?

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Okay, so now we are going to walk through ways that may assist you in getting over the wall and letting go of the baggage because after all; it’s all that baggage that weighing you down and hindering your ability to climb in an effort to get over it!!!


Step 1:  Identify and Sever the Root

This step requires our complete honesty, a willingness to dig deep and openly face your issues. For example, do you have anger issues or problem with your temper to the point that you throw things, slam doors or worse?  Obviously, the temper needs to be dealt with, but more importantly, you need to discover what lies behind the temper. Maybe you have an addiction that you’re reluctant to face such as gambling, sexual addiction, drugs/alcohol and/or perhaps you’re a shopaholic. Whatever the issue, you must be able, willing and ready to face it head on, in an effort to be cured!  All these additions are just temporary-fix magnesium to cover up or diminish the problem; the problem that has been going since you were a child; that is now deep rooted and needs to be completely dug up.  That’s the only way it’s going to die.  You can cut it down, over and over again but if it’s not up-rooted, it’s going to still be there and pop up over and over again.

Step 2:  Take Responsibility  for your own life and actions. And Stop Blaming Others.

“Momma didn’t do this, daddy didn’t do that, my uncle treated me this way, my aunt spanked me; that man cheated on me; that’s why I’m like this. This is who they made me out to be, this is who I am!”  It’s so much easier to go through life blaming our problems on others including ourselves. “I’m too fat, I can’t do it, I’ don’t know how!” But eventually you have to take responsibility for your life, your actions and your emotions.  If this is you talking… STOP IT RIGHT NOW!  IT’S OVER, NO MORE! SNAP OUT OF IT!  Your life will never get better and you will never move forward until you break the blame chain.

Step 3:  Forgive and Focus

It is crucial that you reach a point where you can truly let go of the hurt that you have experienced. “No matter how violent it was, how deep it was, how prolonged it was, no matter how much effect there’s been on your life, if you do not extend forgiveness and get focus on bettering you; you are the only person who will be stuck in bitterness and revenge city. Let go of the past and let go of the pain; forgive those who have wrong you and move forward in you purpose, even if you look in the mirror and realize that the person you had to forgive was actually you!


To end this piece for you all: What I want to  ask you all and for you all to think about today as well as for me to ask myself and think to myself  is to take charge over your baggage, think about how carrying all that unnecessary garbage will hinder your life (because that’s all it is, is GARBAGE) and choose to be free! It’s your choice and it’s your life! Start fresh! It’s a new year. It’s new beginning.