World Autism Day 2020: How To Get Involved?

Hi all, I want to say before I begin this topic that has been shared about based on World Autism Day 2020 that some of this will be based on my own opinions, thoughts and experiences along with having some conversations with others in the autistic community. I believe that despite this time of year the term of autism awareness and autism acceptance has been debated and thrown about to others that are
autistic of it making a hot debate and or topic for us to discuss when it is the month of World Autism Month, week or day. I know that with that being said that there’ll be a difference of opinions and so on, but I would like to ask you all to be kind to me as I share these thoughts and opinions with you all today.
I am also willing to learn and to be open to listen to your thoughts and opinions about this topic and more by feeling free to share them in the comments below and in saying this for commenting below, be kind to one another. As again I said that everyone will have different opinions.

I know that I am as of late in sharing some of the stuff based on Autism related topics for World Autism Month but I am hoping to bring out to you some and that I am all about raising awareness and acceptance on autism and mental health as well as advocating and educating you all. But, here I am hopefully, today to basically share with you all about some of the ones I want to share.

As you have heard my story also about my diagnosis with autism and my other personal struggles with this and more on my channel and other medias and if you’ve not seen my diagnosis story and that feel free to click here to watch about my Diagnosis Story https://youtu.be/05GeIQn1gCU to find out more about me more as an autistic or just my everyday autistic diagnosis.

Don’t you just love it when people make an assumption about you when you’re ready to tell them that you’re either autistic or have some other form of mental illness?

World Autism Awareness week or as some people would call it World Autism Acceptance week as again there’s going to be a divide to how or what people would like to call this event based on their experience, understanding and preference. I made a video about this last year (Reference: AUTISM AWARENESS AND AUTISM ACCEPTANCE/REPLACING AUTISM AWARENESS WITH AUTISM ACCEPTANCE :https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCnu1oOhJ50)

As we know that it’s now here as usually it is on April 2nd on most years that has been coming
for this of this autism acceptance month especially and although this year of 2020 has bought us a surprise that due to some unforeseen obstacles or circumstances we still do need to work alot more of awareness as well as acceptance yet I believe that at the moment that people are aware of this condition of Autism as it is starting to be known yet some may have some misunderstandings about what autism is still and that some people are still ignorant or arrogant due to the you know the lack of knowing what it is along with that promoting acceptance as part of this package as well.(Reference: Autism Awareness & Acceptance [April 2019]/ Autism Acceptance-Wear Red Instead: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLg7_a22v20)

For many of us that are trying to raise awareness and acceptance of Autism, many of us on the autistic community especially are like herding cats and I must say sometimes with these cats I say that they tend to be really angry and a bit aggressive as I’ve noticed in some of the autistic community groups
I’ve been in. Some of them has been aggressive and some have been pointing the finger at me or not just pointing the finger at me but bashing about you know that this should be said this way or that way and so on and so forth. But, I’m not going into the jiff of what was going down. I believe that in myself that there are or should be some unity and coming together is a really important factor in the community
so that we can then learn and advocate and or educate others about autism than ever before. When you have people that has the common traits of autism such as being detail orientated, who like to do their own thing, maybe obsessed with the one thing and so on and so forth for some of the common traits of autistics or people with autism. These are just to name a few just as I said before of these common traits. (Reference: Characteristic Traits In A Female with Aspergers Syndrome: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjZmz0KXL5M)

( Reference: Obsessions and Interests in Autistic Children https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbGWzd72Jh0 )


It may come as a surprise sometimes that being an autistic can be an everyday struggle and is a difficulty for us to come together that as just as a one community as an autistic community and as to also to be the just the one voice but this need to be necessary to make social progress in today’s world.

So, the question is what is the difference between autism awareness and autism acceptance. Well, I have shared again this topic also last year which you can find here (Reference: Introduction to World Autism Awareness Acceptance Month/Life as an Aspie [April, 2019]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZSq_hY-oVU&t=487)

But, I shall be short and brief in this part to what it is now to give you all a recap.
Autism awareness is all about people who are autistics that are raising awareness and that again as I said earlier many people are aware about autism.

This event of autism awareness started earlier than autism acceptance as autism awareness Insert image of a family became a idea by autistic adults and children way back in the year of the 1970s to really let people know about the existence of autism is there and did exist then as it does now yet it wasn’t quite common back then as it is now based on the lacking of research and information in the 70s

Students and family members from Johnson Primary School march, holding signs and banners in support of autism awareness aboard Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune, Friday. According to the center for disease control and prevention, one in every 68 children in the U.S. is diagnosed with the disorder. (Photo by: Lance Cpl. Andrea Ovalle)

Yet, in this time period that it was a time where they can raise awareness based on talking about the signs and symptoms,peoples experiences of what life is like for them as an autistic as mainly from a parent view and perspective on this to also to some people with little or knowledge of Autism to bring greater awareness and understanding of autism to the general public. Most of the autistics in the autistic community do see this as a negative idea or conception.

Last year, I shared about the Light It Up Blue campaign that is organised by the organization of Autism Speaks and has been adopted out to other organizations in the last few years worldwide and my thoughts and opinions as well as some research on it (Reference: AAAW Why I WILL NOT Support LIGHT IT UP BLUE/My Personal Opinion[2019]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45LTmSFdSkg )
as I don’t wish to go too much into detail in it to cause any more debate.


I did share to why some autistics don’t light it up blue as well as my own personal opinion along with research. Let’s just say here quick smart though before I begin onto it, Some of these organisations that we may hear about aren’t properly run by actually autistic people. I believe strongly that with some of these stunts that are being done, however, it’s minimal due to a lot of planning and resources along with a lot of money and it’s a waste of money. Light it up blue campaign was a campaign raised at the time for the majority of young boys that were diagnosed with autism and that it wasn’t known that it was known for many years that are supposingly a diagnosis for men and boys alike.
And it wasn’t known it to be for females that could also have autism due to us females usually masks) or having other diagnosis on top of that first of autism- be it like schizophrenia or bipolar and the like before the specialists do diagnose us with Autism. (Reference: Autistic Females and Masking [2018 https://youtu.be/NRgs74MyHvw).

With autism awareness that this term is flawed I believe in many ways and one of the ways is that this is known for medical experts wanting us to be cured.


I have also shared this in one of my videos (Reference: Should there be a Cure for AUTISM?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbjMKpwbUWU ) and that being different is a bad thing for many centuries. People that put a negative spin on people that are different doesn’t seem right at all.

I’m not the only one now that doesn’t accept this as many other autistic people who I have been talking to are trying to push back the narrative of this as well now. As this is now being disorganized, and documented or even doctrinised yet nowadays. Many autistics are now bringing in the hashtag of #redinstead. I’m hoping to take part in this movement again this year even if its on the second.
(Reference:Autism Awareness & Acceptance [April 2019]/ Autism Acceptance-Wear Red Instead https://youtu.be/PLg7_a22v20 )

While Autism Acceptance Day has claimed to be on April 2nd yet on the other hand autism acceptance of the #redinstead is on April 1st.

On the other hand that is where autism acceptance began. This stance began in the 1990s. This has grown ever since.This started almost the same way as autism awareness did but only difference here how it started was this was started by autistic people as this was due to when the autism awareness movement began as an opposition to autism awareness is all about what I shared earlier light it up blue and as for autism acceptance is all about hashtag movement of #redinstead. These terms will be seen more of when it comes down to when we have this month of World Autism Day. This day of autism acceptance also is a way of taking action.

As many of us will be taking action on behalf of the autistic community or behalf of ourselves as autistics. Autism acceptance is all about showcasing the skills and talents that we have as an autistic. As we know that there’s many autistics with many different skills and talents out there and it’s all about being able to be brave enough to show it to the world around us.

However, as we know with acceptance at the end of the day will open a wider door of opportunities, fortunes and so much more. And, this opens it up all the way to gain a better understanding of autism
and autistic people as a whole.

As we know that historically April 1st is known to be a day where people do pranks on others and just making fun of people in general. As we should know that there are many autistic people out there that are literal thinkers as this again is one of their common traits can be known for and are easy targets
for the malicious and callous behaviours of others that aren’t accepting of others that are different. Many of us do hate April Fools Day anyways which is why us autistics has chosen to reclaim that day however for autism awareness vs. autism acceptance.. We know that these days it may not serve any purpose or reason for April Fools Day but for just any businesses of people that wastes their time, money and energy to do pranks. So, on the other hand us autistics has claimed this day as a day of kindness.

As we know that you maybe asking how you can help this year to raise acceptance this year.
Yes, I am aware that you are also thinking and saying to me that hang on a minute Aspie, you do realise that we are in lock-down? Yes, I do. I hear you!
But, what you can do while in lock-down for this day I have given you just a few suggestions to give to you during this time of acceptance as acceptance to me also involves inclusion of autistics as well as giving compliments to others, write notes to each other, write a letter to an autistic led organisation, maybe feel free, if you feel you want to, to guest blog on some autistic related blogs or what have you, make a gift for someone or write a song and so much more. These ideas I am sharing with you is all about the act of kindness and using the hashtag term #redinstead.
Amplify this by other social medias that are doing this movement.Showing this to others about kindness of the #redinstead will then therefore bring out more acceptance of others that are on the autism spectrum.

The date for World Autism Day has been purposefully documented and dated for anyone that doesn’t support light it up blue or red instead as well as we also has the option of light it up gold.

Also, in this day of World Autism Awareness Day I feel it should be changed to World Acceptance Day on April 2nd as I believe that there’s a lot of awareness already yet we got a long way to go in accepting others that are different as I feel it should be World Autism Acceptance Day due to there’s still lacking
of acceptance of autistic people and that for us autistics we shouldn’t feel like we’re discriminated, needing to change our thoughts, looks and more just to fit in the neurotypical world.

I believe since there’s a lacking of autistic voices to be heard and this day should be claimed by the autistics as a coming out day similarly in borrowing the LGBT movement and in this movement we should use the hashtag #autisticgold or #goinggoldforautism.

A crowd waves rainbow flags during the Heritage Pride March in New York on Sunday.


I understand that many autistics do not dare wish to come out claiming that they’re autistic by being feared of being judged, fear of rejection and many other reasons behind this.
I fully understand and feel this wholeheartedly as I was one of them once upon a time.
Autism for some people that are diagnosed with this that they still feel deeply ashamed about and most of the reactions we get from parents, friends, family and others are really harsh and negative when many autistics are trying to approach the subjects of this matter.So, the only way to see that is to let society see the numbers and of mass of people coming out as Autistics and let others know that we’re not ashamed of who and what we are. Please for anyone of you who are watching this as I am encouraging you to come out as an autistic and that you still feel you’re not ready to do so, don’t have to do this yet, just do it in your time and when you feel that you’re strong and ready to proclaim
and accept that you’re autistic.I’m not saying that everyone on this day of Autism Acceptance should come out far from it as this is for the people that are already ready to take the stand in accepting themselves along with having supporting networks from friends, family and organisations and so on. So, that everyone else can see as we lead by example that we’re being led by an autistic community or society.With that being said that this then should be normalized and accepted by society and also people in the community as well as a voice for the community and society alone.

As we are aware that we are limited to the hashtags activism groups but I believe if we can be proud and accepting of ourselves being autistic, we have the power to do more for autism
acceptance. Think for example the LGBT movement in how they work. This movement is now being more common and accepted in some parts of the world and in society.For this change to take effect, as we know it will not happen immediately over time. So, it will take time and patience and if we are brave enough to do so we can do more.In the time of Autism Awareness day that was brought to our understanding how it all began with autistic adults and again in the neurotypical adults
that we should all come together as one to co-exist somehow for us to accept the other side and validate our own experiences. I believe that if we did come together that we can work together by
educating the public about autism. The fact and reality is that autism isn’t an illness or a need to be cured. (Reference: AAWM 2018/Do I want a cure for Autism [Shortened Version] [2018]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzokIV2cqRU)
Autism to many people will see it in a lot of ways. Some may say it’s a blessing, curse, tragedy, superpower and so much more. It’s who and what we are under that label we are still humans with talents, gifts, feeling and emotions like all of you neurotypical people out there.
It’s not going away as this condition is going to be a part of us for the rest of our lives.

We know that life is too short and should never take life for granted and that we should all now honor and respect ourselves for once.

So, just to wrap this video up as recap to end this that 1) April 1st is that we reclaim the light it up blue narrative and go red instead.

  1. April 2nd is the autistic coming out day using the hashtag #autisticgold or goinggoldforautism.
    (Going for Gold for Autism Awareness Acceptance Month.
  2. Differences between autism awareness and autism acceptance. These two terms do interlink and work together one way or another.

I believe it’s all again about accepting each others differences as people rather than someone who has something like a mental illness or autism
as this should help the conversation to go further.

15 Ways To Change Your Thoughts And To Transform Your Life.

We all now once in a while get trapped in our own thoughts no matter what it is that we are thinking that this can be a positive outcome for us or a negative one. What we do decide to do upon the thoughts is up to us as it can make us or break us!

Did you know that the everyday thoughts that we think about either positive or negative that you will repeat often, eventually, it will affect your behavior and actions,
and create changes in your life in accordance with these thoughts that you’ve been thinking?

We all must have probably had someone tell us sometime in our lives to “look on the bright side” or to “see the cup as half full.” Chances are good that the people who make these comments are positive thinkers. Researchers are finding more and more evidence pointing to the many benefits of optimism and positive thinking.

Such findings suggest that not only are positive thinkers healthier and less stressed, they also have greater overall well-being. According to positive psychology researcher Suzanne Segerstrom, “Setbacks are inherent to almost every worthwhile human activity, and a number of studies show that optimists are in general both psychologically and physiologically healthier.”

Positive thinking…it can sound so simple, but often, not easy and that most of the time in our busy lives that we seem not to act upon being positive especially with the terms of events that we tend to go all negative- again by choice of course of our own. Our life is made of habits and even Buddha once said: “We are what we think.” This is why, it’s very important to constantly chose positive way of thinking and make an optimistic attitude – your habit or second nature. 

Benefits of Positive Thinking

Even if positive thinking does not come naturally to you, there are plenty of great reasons to start cultivating affirmative thoughts and minimizing negative self-talk.

Positive thinking…it can sound simple, but often, not easy. Our life is made of habits and even Buddha once said: “We are what we think.” This is why, it’s very important to constantly chose positive way of thinking and make an optimistic attitude – your habit or second nature. Let me share with you 10 advantages of being a positive person:

1) Positive mind attracts positive events.

First of all, if we decide to become positive, we can make the so called “law of attraction” work for our favour. The main principle of the law of attraction is that “like attracts like”. If you will make positive thinking your habitual way of seeing life, imagine how many great things you can attract into your life!

2) Great and harmonious relationships.

When you chose positive attitude, you will start to notice a lot of positive qualities in people and ignore their defaults, and then, you will start to create more meaningful friendships and great relationships. This type of attitude will create a very good and positive atmosphere around you.

3) Better first impression.

If you make a positive thinking your priority, you will always make a great first impression. People, usually, are attracted to kind and friendly personalities and the good first impression can have a big impact on the development of your future relationships.

4) Vibrant health.

Positive thinking is very beneficial for your health. Even several scientific studies have shown that people with a good, positive “vibe” are less likely to suffer from depression and they get ill more rarely than the negative thinkers. In many cases, bad thoughts are the main cause of deceases, and even the word “decease” means that the person is not at ease…Just change your thoughts and you will change your life. That’s why, taking care of our thoughts – is taking care of our health!

5) Key of success.

Positive people are more likely to be successful than the negative ones. When you will implement positive thinking into your life, you will notice that success becomes easier and it’s not as tough and difficult, as many people think.

6) No more stress.

The main cause of stress is worry and negative thoughts. If we think about it further, we can understand that stress never solves problems, on the contrary, it can leave us helpless. Positive people overcome stress more easily. When you start to increase the quantity of good and positive thoughts, stress will gradually leave your life, until you won’t hear about it any more.

7) Positive thinking and optimistic attitude will turn all your problems into opportunities.

Negativity can blind people’s mind. If you turn your thoughts from the negative ones into positive, your eyes will be opened and you will see the bottle half full, instead of half empty. You will start to notice solutions and will understand that every problem is actually an opportunity to grow. All problems can be solved, and you, finally, will be able to see it.

8) You will notice the abundance of good things in your life.

Sometime people live their life without knowing how blessed they really are, they take things for granted and forget to be thankful. As I mentioned earlier, there are certain laws in life, one of them says: “like attracts like” and another is: “you will reap what you sow”. When people live their live complaining and mourning about their destiny, without appreciating the things that they already have, then, they risk to lose even this. Appreciation and gratitude, on the contrary, can bring more of good things to be thankful for into their life. So, let’s be thankful and let’s count our blessings.

9) Boost of motivation.

Positive attitude will boost your motivation and you will start to achieve your goals quicker and easier. To have strong motivation is the same as to have “wings”!

10) Beauty will shine from within.

Positive thinking will make you look more beautiful. It happens naturally: smiling, friendly and happy people are, somehow, extremely attractive. Your inner beauty will shine and will become visible on the outside, as well.

When faced with stressful situations, positive thinkers cope more effectively than pessimists. In one study, researchers found that when optimists encounter a disappointment (such as not getting a job or promotion) they are more likely to focus on things they can do to resolve the situation.

Stress Relief

Rather than dwelling on their frustrations or things that they cannot change, they will devise a plan of action and ask others for assistance and advice. However, Pessimists, on the other hand, simply assume that the situation is out of their control and there is nothing they can do to change it.

Increased Immunity

In many recent years it has been proven that many researchers have found that your mind can have a powerful effect on your body. Immunity is one area where your thoughts and attitudes can have a particularly powerful influence. In one study, researchers found that activation in brain areas associated with negative emotions led to a weaker immune response to a flu vaccine.

Researchers Segerstrom and Sephton found that people who were optimistic about a specific and important part of their lives, such as how well they were doing in school, exhibited a stronger immune response than those who had a more negative view of the situation.

Improved Wellness

Not only can positive thinking impact your ability to cope with stress and your immunity, it also has an impact on your overall well-being.

While researchers are not entirely clear on why positive thinking benefits health, some suggest that positive people might lead healthier lifestyles. By coping better with stress and avoiding unhealthy behaviors, they are able to improve their health and well-being.

Better Resilience

Resilience refers to our ability to cope with problems. Resilient people are able to face a crisis or trauma with strength and resolve. Rather than falling apart in the face of such stress, they have the ability to carry on and eventually overcome such adversity. It may come as no surprise to learn that positive thinking can play a major role in resilience. When dealing with a challenge, optimists typically look at what they can do to fix the problem. Instead of giving up hope, they marshal their resources and are willing to ask others for help.

By nurturing positive emotions, even in the face of terrible events, people can reap both short-term and long-term rewards, including managing stress levels, lessening depression, and building coping skills that will serve them well in the future. There are so many more benefits of being positive as I’ve just mentioned a few while I am writing this as well as for you readers to read.

If you keep thinking about problems and failure, you attract these things into your life.
That’s why we need to be sure what we think and act upon these thoughts will be ones that will bring us peace, joy and fulfillment.

However, on the other hand, if the feelings of anger, tension, irritation and worrying are your usual responses to any situation or changes in your life then you are undoubtedly suffering from the problem of negative thinking.  To lead a better life filled with tranquility, contentment and love we need to change our way of thinking.

The key to positive thinking is to discover our inner self to find out more about ourselves in who and what we are as a person as we all have a purpose in life. We all should be able to know and find that purpose of our life in time. We should try and make serenity, bliss and love a reality for ourselves in our lives so that we can live a longer and fruitful life.  Positive thinking sounds cliché, we have heard about it and read about it yet we still don’t practice it. We all have busy lives and it seems almost impossible to take out the time to work on changing our thinking, however getting this new way of thinking as a part of our lives won’t take more than 15 minutes every day, and once you learn how to get rid of negative thoughts and how to control your mind you’ll realize it is all worth the efforts.

In the long run you’ll become conscious about the fact that simply spending 15 minutes in positive thoughts and positive attitude can be the building blocks of a happy life!!! Start working on yourself, sit in silence and contemplate your thoughts……we all are moving too fast, we need to slow down and think about our situations and above all we need to learn how to stop thinking about something that is draining all our positive energy and how to get rid of negative thoughts. Start connecting with yourself and your healing will begin. This silent contemplation is nothing but a variation of meditation, meditation helps you in looking inside yourself look deeply in your thoughts.

how to get rid of negative thoughts and negative thinking

Hurt, pain, anger and rejection all are negative feelings generated by negatives thoughts we need to slow down and observe how we ourselves are creating the negative thoughts leading to these negative feelings. Positive thinking can be achieved through meditation, because meditation is all about self-introspection…..looking inside you if we don’t perform it then, every new situation every change in our lives will have only one response from our negative thinking it’ll be resistance. The cause of this resistance is fear, the fear of losing what we already have like people, power, relationships, prestige, personality and money all of these fears lead to the fear of changes and ultimately pave the way for negative thinking.

Two steps to stop Negative Thinking:

Step 1

The first step of stop this negative thinking pattern is to start BI, accept the changes in your life….. People, power, relationships, prestige, personality and money are like a flowing river , a flowing river changes every instant don’t try to build a dam because on the other side of your dam there would be lot of pressure trying to stop the river, nothing remains constant hence we need to accept the changes in our lives. However be careful – DON’T ACCEPT YOUR FEAR, ACCEPT THE SITUATION.

If you have ever seen a wrestling match you would have noticed that the opponents first bow down to each other then they embrace each other, this is the change philosophy whenever you’re faced with changes first you need to embrace it and that is how you catch the momentum of the new situation. If you resist, you don’t get to know the momentum of the situation.

Once you have accepted the situation you say THIS IS IT! But then again questions would come in your mind you would ask yourself – Now What? Other questions would also arise in your mind, questions like Why, Where, What, How. How do we respond to these questions without being affected by our negative thoughts?

Step 2

All we need to do is, instead of thinking about what is happening outside try and focus on yourself and ask yourself how do I respond to this situation. Don’t engage in the questions just work on your state of mind and ask yourself how you want to deal with your situation.

Don’t stop the river but don’t start flowing with it either if one person is angry and screaming you cannot allow yourself to flow with him, you have your own identity your own thoughts you don’t have to flow with the river, so don’t stop the river and don’t flow with it either rather stay put and look at the river flowing by……same way in any situation that triggers your negative thoughts remember you are different from the situation, don’t try to stop the situation because you cannot actually control the changes happening around you and also don’t let yourself get consumed in the situation and the hardships that it brings with itself.

Any negative situation is not you, you are the creator of your thoughts and you have the choice to create a positive one or a negative one, make a wise choice. Don’t give your automatic responses to a situation that would be like flowing with the river, don’t do it be still; stay put and focus on your reaction and your actions on this situation and then you’ll start observing the power of positive thinking.

Again, to note here is that there’s many more steps to ridding the negative thoughts as this is just a couple could think of while I was writing this piece for you all while reading this.

If you often think about happiness and success, eventually, this is what you will attract into your life.

There is no magic here, I can’t just wave a magic wand in front of you all and say to you all think positive thoughts but only natural laws at work. This is by all means all up to you all to decide what you want in life and what outcome will it bring in your life.
You need to know what these laws in physics are and how to use them effectivelyin your own life.
You also need to start using them, and continue until you get results.

“The predominant thought or the mental attitude is the magnet, and the law is that like attracts like.
Consequently, the mental attitude will invariably attract such conditions as to correspond to its nature.”
– Charles Haanel.

When you change your thoughts, you change your life accordingly. Again, this is a fact.

You can take advantage of this process, and use it to improve your life and make positive changes in your life. If you constantly think about obstacles and failure, you will not try hard, not take advantage of opportunities, and avoid taking action and starting new projects in the works of what you’ve got planned. Eventually, your external life would mirror your negative thoughts.

“A mental image gives you a framework upon which to work. It is like the drawing of the architect, or the map of the explorer. Think over this for a few moments
until you get the idea firmly fixed in your mind.”
– William Walker Atkinson

If you often think how difficult your life is, and avoid trying to change your thoughts, you close your eyes and heart to opportunities,
make no effort to change and improve, become unhappy, not at peace and perpetuate the same situation over and over again.

If you think often about success, and about living a better, happier and more successful life, you will be motivated to do something successful about your life.
You will become aware of opportunities, take advantage of them, and change your life.

People who constantly think how poor they are, how difficult are their lives, and how more difficult they are going to be, stay in the same situation,
and might even make it worse.

Successful people however on the other hand, they will see in their mind’s eye the life they want to live. They visualize their ambitions as accomplished,
and do not allow negative thoughts,
problems or obstacles to discourage them.

A thought, together with a strong desire and perseverance, turn dreams into reality.

“You are to become a creator, not a competitor; you are going to get what you want, but in such a way that when you get it every other man will have more
than he has now.”
– Wallace D. Wattles.

So, you maybe thinking how does positive thinking really work and what effects does it have on us.

1.Changing your thoughts will change your life.
2.Changing your thinking habits will change how you feel, how you act, and how you react.
3..Inner change will lead to outer change.

There is plenty of information on this topic of changing your thinking habits and transforming your life

The nature of our thoughts determines the quality of our life whether it is sad, happy and contented.
Happy, optimistic, positive thoughts, emotions, and feelings generate a zing in our system which makes the blood flow freely and heartbeat joyously. They create a spring in our feet and spur us to action. Let us remember the age-old saying that the mind- thoughts- can move the mountains.Or even the song by Miley
Cyrus, The Climb. Pessimistic, sad and gloomy thoughts, on the other hand, create inertia and force us to stay bed-bound.

Our actions are the practical manifestations of our thoughts.

It is quite clear, therefore, that we must bring about a change in the way of how and what we thinki in our lives in order to create happiness and a sense of fulfillment
in our lives.
A good thing about our brain is that it willingly adopts any changes that we bring about in our thinking patterns.

Here is a list of 15 ways you can change your thoughts and give a positive direction to your life.

  1. Change your thoughts by creating positive affirmations

Affirmations are not always positive. They can be negative as well. The hexes created by the witches are negative affirmations.
The truth is that most people are given to making negative affirmations. When you think repeatedly that you are not going to succeed in a particular project,
it is a negative affirmation. Affirmations, both negative and positive impact the neurological functioning of the brain. Positive affirmations are like mantras. They have a sacred and spiritual force about them. Let us be clear about creating positive affirmations.
They should not be normative or weak. I believe that we all should do positive affirmations early in the morning to build us up with confidence and peace.
I am a real strong believer in doing this as well as I’ve been doing this throughout my mornings despite the everyday struggles I face.

Thoughts such as I ‘should’, ‘ought to’ or’ abstain from’ are normative.
Examples of negative affirmations are: ‘I can’t’ do this. It is ‘quite difficult’. On the other hand affirmations should be forceful and determined such
as ‘I can’, ‘I will’, or ‘I am going to’. As mentioned above, your brain is always adapting to your thought patterns and directs your organs to act accordingly.
Insert positive thoughts and affirmations

  1. Learn to apply full stop

We keep mulling over our misfortunes, the perceived wrongs committed to us by those who we have loved and stood by so sincerely.
We never stop cursing ourselves for the mistakes that we think we have committed. What would have happened if I had done this or that? What would happen
if I do this or that in the future? This is not to suggest we should not learn from our past mistakes or plan our future intelligently. The only thing is we should stop thinking
over and over once we have learned from our past and decided about our future to move on and let go – let go of situations that we can’t control in our lives.

  1. Let go of the need to be masochistic

Definition of masochism:

  1. The deriving of sexual gratification from fantasies or acts that involve being made to suffer physical or mental pain. Also called sexual masochism.
  2. The deriving of pleasure from being humiliated or mistreated, either by another or by oneself.
  3. A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences.

Quite often we love to wallow in our misery. We enjoy creating self-punishing thoughts or being gloomy and pessimistic. Here is an example:

“If I start selling candles, the sun will stop setting, OR If I start selling shrouds, people will stop dying.”

I was born unlucky. Nothing good will ever occur to me.
Such thoughts not only cause a harmful impact on the mind, but they adversely affect your physical health as well.

  1. Change your thoughts by counting your joys and blessings.

Most people take their joys and blessings for granted and start grumbling about what they do not have; or, when they are faced with problems and troubles.
Just think of those who are less fortunate than you. Or, think of a situation that could have been worse than it is now. You are crying because have hurt your knee in an accident. What, if the leg itself had broken? See the filled half of the glass for satisfaction and the empty half with a resolve to fill it.
I believe strongly in this one as we should be blessed with what we have as sometimes there’s others that doesn’t have what we got and I believe sometimes with the everyday struggles that we go through teaches us a life lesson in general and that we sometimes need to not rush the process of what is needed to be done in our lives as some situations that we go through takes time and patience. We need to be in the moment and appreciate everything we have.

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” ~ Melody Beattie

  1. Appreciate and enjoy what you already have.

Question to you all that are watching this today: Why is it so hard to appreciate what we have? Why is it so difficult to be sated with everything in our lives in the here and now? We always seem to be chasing the next big thing.Be it if we want to be famous, we want to be popular, be it
we want to be beautiful, whatever it may be. We’re constantly lusting and yearning after the newest and best I’ve-just-gotta-have-it object, we move from one point to the next on this Hedonistic Treadmill that we call life, and we can’t seem to get off it.

The funny thing is that, for the most part at least, everything in our lives was once just a wish. We wanted that car we drive today so badly just a few years ago.
The house we live was once just a goal. The people or situations in our lives were once just a wish. So why is it that, today, we can’t appreciate all of those things?
How come we’re not satisfied with the status quo?

This conversation isn’t a new one. I don’t know about you, but I’ve certainly been unappreciative of the things I’ve had in my life.
Although I once lusted and yearned for those things, attaining them seemed to remove their luster and their shine. When I achieved my goals,
I wanted the next best thing. I was never really happy with the things that I had attained.

A great way to change your thoughts is to appreciate and enjoy what you already have. This is not to suggest that you should not aspire for a still better life.
Enjoy whatever amount of success you have achieved instead of feeling sad about what you have not been able to achieve. There is nothing wrong with always
fixing higher benchmarks or goals, but failure to reach them should not spoil your enjoyment of what you already have.

I’ll explain more into how we can appreciate what we have in next video but remember this quote:
“If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich.” ~ Lao Tzu

  1. Savor the joys of your achievements

It is one thing to achieve your goal; it is another to enjoy it after you have achieved it.
For example, you marry a woman of your dreams, but get bored with her soon thereafter and start looking for a new one. This is one of the most common causes of marital discords and breaks up. We know that relationships with anyone can be difficult but if we stick with it and work together through the good and the bad we can see some good in what’s happening in our lives. Males and females play different parts in a relationship. We all know or should know what’s important in a relationship to make it fulfilling for us.

“There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want; and after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second.” ~
Logan Pearsall Smith

  1. Stand erect and hold your head high in trying circumstances

We often tend to feel demoralized in adverse conditions. We stop and feel low as if we are bending under their weight. This happens both literally and figuratively.
You will, however, surely feel better if you try to lift your spirits and also your head like a person determined to take up the challenge. This is the best way to get
out of depression. Try it time and time again.

  1. Allow yourself to be playful and childlike

Children are known for the innocence and simplicity of mind in life. They soon forget their quarrels with their friends and start playing together once again. As you may have seen them all once in a playground when they are playing or play-fighting with each other and just then return back to normal by playing again. This is the reason that generally they are always happy and smiling. Translated into the language of the adults, we should learn to forget and forgive.

“The great man is he who does not lose his child’s-heart.” ~Mencius, Book IV

  1. Seek happiness and contentment in the present moment

Do not associate happiness with future events. I will be happy when things happen this way. It is like postponing your happiness to an unsure future. The better alternative is to try to postpone your sorrow to some future moment as much as you can. The time to be happy is to-day because yesterday
has already passed and you cannot be sure that tomorrow will bring any happiness.
“How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now, and there will never be a time when it is not now.” ~ Gerald Jampolsky

  1. Be a master of your moods

Be a master rather than a servant of your own moods. You are the ruler of the kingdom of happiness. Do not allow other people or circumstances to make you happy or sad.
Do not depend on material possessions to create happiness for you. It is for you to choose to be happy whatever the situation. Do not allow your heart to break up if your loved one has ditched you. If he/she can be happy without you so can you.

  1. Wake up with a resolve to stay happy during the day

Resolve the first thing as you wake up in the morning to remain happy throughout the day. Spend some time with the flowers and plants in your garden.
Listen to the songs of the birds in the trees or watch them flying high in the skies. Or, go out for a walk in the park nearby.
Remember your resolve to remain calm as soon as you sense trouble coming. You owe yourself an ethical duty to remain happy.

  1. Your body is your temple, honor it.

Keep the temple of your body neat, clean and well-ventilated. Do not dump garbage of dirty, negative thoughts and toxic junk food in it. It is really difficult to remain happy when you are sick physically or mentally. There is a close relationship between the mind and the body.
Take physical exercises regularly according to your constitutional needs.

  1. Meditate daily

Most yoga and meditation gurus have complicated the process of meditation by using incomprehensible jargon about its practice and goals. Consequently, most people tend to doze off during the meditation sessions and stop practicing meditation altogether. Ultimately, as we know now that there’s always websites and apps that we can use for meditation and other purposes. Meditation comes in many different form of techniques that we can use on daily. Meditation is a practice where an individual uses a technique – such as mindfulness, or focusing the mind on a particular object, thought, or activity – to train attention and awareness, and achieve a mentally clear and emotionally calm and stable state. Scholars have found meditation difficult to define, as practices vary both between traditions and within them. Meditation has been practiced since antiquity in numerous religious traditions, often as part of the path towards enlightenment and self realization.

Also, take stock of your day in the evening. Remember the little good things that happened. You were not held up in traffic snarls. Your car ran smoothly. There was no problem with your boss and colleagues. You had a delicious lunch or coffee. Thank your stars for a nice and happy day.
This will fill you with gratitude and make you a happier person.

“During meditation, your metabolism and your breath rate go down to a level of rest, twice that of deep sleep.” ~ Mike Love.

  1. Focus on changing yourself instead of changing the world around you

It is impossible to change the world around you. So stop fretting when people do not come up to your expectations.
The best course is to change yourself or at least adjust with the people or situations you do not like.

“Never underestimate your power to change yourself; never overestimate your power to change others.” ~ Wayne Dyer

  1. Make the best of what you have

It is always better to make the best of what you have rather than pine for what you think is the best.
A perfect state occurs only in Utopia and the world you live in is not that kind of ideal place. Do not be worried about the imperfections.
The word ‘imperfection’ is derived from ‘perfection’. Even the most imperfect situation has some small element of perfection in it.

You change your life by changing your thoughts. If the thoughts you think are pure, your life will be pure.

To end on this note I would like to ask you all three questions: Do you believe that thoughts have the power to transform your life? What do you believe stands between you and complete happiness?
Is it your thoughts or something or somebody else?

Identity First Language – Autistic Person, Person With Autism Or What?

What do you wish to be called? Is there a right way or wrong way of calling ourselves the way we want to be called?

Hey you! Are you an Autistic Person? Are you a person with Autism? What do I really need to call you? More importantly, who am I and what do I see myself
as an individual? Argh! Stop calling me some of these first languages as you should know that really grinds my gears, guys. As we know that words and language are powerful tools by which an individual can express ideas, thoughts and more whether it is abstract, actionable or concrete.

I myself as an individual know firsthand and understand full darn well that language and the meanings towards words can very much impact someone no matter who and what they are as a person. We as individuals I believe do tend to attach to some of the words very much for impact and influence and even more so developing and changing the attitudes that we have towards the subjects and or matters of discussion. That’s why many people I have spoken to or heard from are easily insulted
or upset by the everyday word choices that we have.

I am here today to try and explain to you all right now about this topic as this is really controversial for many of us that are autistics. Before, I begin this
this is just based on what I’ve experienced and known all my time after talking to some people on the autistic community to how they may feel. So, please
respect me into what I will share.

It has been known for quite sometime now for many of us autistics that we meet some people that has some misunderstanding and misconceptions about autistics no
matter what it is.

So, the question of many that we would be asking ourselves right now is how did people first language come about? People first language is also known or called as person first language which is a linguistic description which will usually put a person before their actual
diagnosis of any kind and in this case the many terms that I just used right now for autistics. This linguistic description usually describes what a person “has” than asserting to what a person “is.”

Rather than using labels to define individuals with a health issue, it’s more appropriate to use terminology, which describes individuals as being diagnosed with an illness or disorder.

This was supposed to be intended to avoid any marginalization and/or dehumanization (either consciously or subconsciously) when discussing people with a chronic illness
or disability. Again, I shall remove that term disability as I don’t feel this is the right word I am looking for. Term I will use is as I have done in the past is people with different conditions. This may have been seen as a type of a disability etiquette but person-first language can also be more generalized to any group otherwise known or can be defined or mentally categorized by a condition or a trait (examples that are sometimes known for doing so are race, age or appearance along
with the different sexuality types).

Person-first language usually avoids using labels or adjectives to define someone, utilizing terms such as ‘A person with diabetes’ or’a person with alcoholism’
instead of what we hear is “a diabetic’ or ‘an alcoholic’. With this being said, the intention here is that a person is seen first and foremost as a person with some given specific trait or characteristic. Some advocates that I’ve spoken to or even heard from has usually have a person-first language point to the failure to mentally separate the person from the traits or characteristics and the person is either inherently bad or inferior, leading to the point where discrimination takes place. Another example for you all to gain a better understanding is “a person with a substance use disorder” has a fair chance of achieving long-term remission yet many years it has been changed to calling these type of people “substance abusers”

Another question that you are thinking to yourselves as you’re reading and/or watching this today is why are we self-advocates so opposed to some of these terms that has
been clearly shared just now. Aren’t we all about emphasizing and correcting inaccurate, misleading and harmful stereotypes and their attitudes towards all of this?
For sure, some of us may get offended yet some of us or shall we say majority of us no matter what we are and who we are wants to be seen as a person that has equal rights, values and worth. One argument I encountered in one of the more cogently-written papers in favor of person-first language expostulates that because cancer patients are referred to as “people with cancer” or “people who have cancer,” as opposed to “cancerous people,” the same principle should be used with autism. There are some fundamental flaws with this analogy, however.

This is another examples of many that I hear about.
Cancer is a disease that ultimately kills if not treated or put into long-term remission.
There is absolutely nothing positive, edifying, or meaningful about cancer.
Cancer is not a part of a person’s identity or the way in which an individual experiences and understands the world around him or her.
It is not all-pervasive.

We need to remember that Autism isn’t a disease as I’ve clearly shared this so many times what Autism is which I will link in the icard and description box below
to gain a better understanding of this if you’ve not seen these. I have clearly shared that it’s a neurological and developmental condition. It has now been classed
as a disorder yet this is really disabling in many varied ways.

CRITICISM

There has been some critics that has objected that people-first language is awkward, repetitive and make for some tiresome reading and writing. A sociologist by the name of C. Edwin Vaughan as well as a longtime activist for the blind argues that since “in common usage positive pronouns usually precede
nouns” The awkwardness of the preferred language focuses on the disability in a new and potentially negative way. According to Edwin Vaughan,it only serves to focus’ on disability in an ungainly new way and calls attention to a person as having some type of “marred identity” in terms of Erving Goffman’s theory of identity.

Erving Goffman’s Face and Stigma Theory Explained

In 1963, Erving Goffman published Stigma: Notes on the Management of Spoiled Identity.

It is an examination of how an individual protects their personal identify if they depart from an approved standard of conduct, behavior, or appearance.
It is essentially a way for people to manage an impression of themselves.

For most people, the primary method used to avoid stigma is concealment.

This is because the perception of a stigma will often result in shame. There is a personal disappointment in an inability to meet the standards that other
people or society in general has set for them. There is also a fear of being discredited, which causes an individual to conceal whatever shortcomings they feel that
they have.

Think of a person with a criminal record. They might withhold this information when meeting someone new to prevent being judged off of the record instead of
who they are as a person.

This is expanded upon in an essay by Goffman called “Face Work,” which was published in Interaction Ritual and originally written in 1955. When combined,
Goffman notes that there are three types of symbolic imagery which influence how individuals may think, act, or react. These are stigma symbols, prestige symbols,
and what Goffman calls “disidentifiers.”

How Face and Stigma Theory Is Applied?

Goffman offers the idea that the interactions people have with one another on a daily basis are like a theatrical performance. This is especially true when two strangers encounter one another. Each person has the goal of controlling the first impression that the other individual has of them.
They will guide this impression by withholding information, altering their own setting, or even changing their appearance and mannerisms to create the desired
result.

The performance is likened to what happens on a theatrical stage because there are two elements: what is provided to the audience and what occurs backstage.
This creates a dual role for each person.

For the onstage performance, an individual becomes the person they feel an individual wants them to be or what society demands of them. It is what occurs through
social interactions and results in positive self-concepts when the desired first impression is offered and then successfully received. For the backstage performance, there doesn’t actually need to be a performance. It is a place that is hidden and private, allowing individuals the opportunity
to drop the role or identity that they offer to the world. There is no longer a need to follow the demands that society offers here. At the same time this face-to-face “performance” is happening, the individual attempting to garner an accurate first impression of the individual is working to
obtain more information from them.

Goffman notes that he believes this practice is performed because it offers both people an opportunity to avoid embarrassment. This is because society is a living, breathing entity. Every person feels the need to act differently in changing situations.

Social Model Of Disability – How It Works?

In the social model of disability, a person is disabled by societal and environmental factors. To explain more briefly about this model as it’s called The social model of disability identifies systemic barriers, derogatory attitudes, and social exclusion (intentional or inadvertent), which make it difficult
or impossible for individuals with impairments to attain their valued functioning. The social model of disability diverges from the dominant medical model of disability, which is a functional analysis of the body as machine to be fixed in order to conform with normative values. While physical, sensory, intellectual, or psychological variations may cause individual functional limitation or impairments, these do not necessarily have to lead to disability unless society fails to take account of and include people regardless of their individual differences.

Medical model versus the social model of disability

Medical ModelSocial Model
Disability is a deficiency or abnormality.Disability is a difference.
Being disabled is negative.Being disabled, in itself, is neutral.
Disability resides in the individual.Disability arises from interactions between the individual and society.
The remedy for disability-related problems is cure or normalization of the individual.The remedy for disability-related problems is a change in the interactions between the individual and society.
The agent of remedy is the professional who affects the arrangements between the individual and society.The agent of remedy can be the individual, an advocate, or anyone who affects the arrangements between the individual and society.
As an educator, you have no responsibility to ensure accessibility; that is the job of the experts.As an educator, you are responsible for creating an accessible environment where all your students can learn.

Accessible Education aims to reduce dependence on the accommodation approach and move toward inclusion.

The social model of disability is based on a distinction between the terms impairment and disability. In this model, the word impairment is used to refer to the actual attributes (or lack of attributes) that affects a person, such as the inability to walk or breathe independently.
The word disability is used to refer to the restrictions caused by society when it does not give equivalent attention and accommodation to the needs of individuals with impairments.
Hence, why I believe that this model needs to be changed and updated for training and educational purposes.

(Discuss more later in one my next articles or vlog)

Autism activist, Jim Sinclair rejects the ideal of person-first language, on the grounds of saying “person with autism’ suggests that autism can be separated from person. There are many organizations to this day still use person-first language especially in the autistic community and one of these organizations
that are known for this is Autistic Self Advocacy Network and Lydia Brown had to say this about the heated topic at hand.

In the autism community, many self-advocates and allies prefer terminology such as “autistic” “Autistic person.” or “autistic individual” we understand autism as an inherent part of the individual’s identity… It is impossible to affirm the value and worth of an autistic person without recognizing him or her
identity as an autistic person. Referring to me as ‘a person with autism’ or ‘an individual with Autism Spectrum Disorder’ demeans who I am because it denies who I am.. When we say ‘person with autism’ we say that it’s unfortunate and an accident that a person is autistic. We affirm that the person has value and worth, and that autism is entirely separate from what gives him or her value and worth. In fact, we are saying that autism is detrimental to value and worth as a person, which is why we separate the condition with the word “with” or “has” Ultimately, what we are saying when we say ‘person with autism’ is that the person would be better off if not autistic, and that it would have been better if he or she has been born typical.

What I found most interesting in reading this selection of articles and blog posts along with trying to get as much involved in the autistic community is that many of the same arguments are used for both positions, but with separate sides, naturally, coming to very divergent and contradictory conclusions.

Firstly, I saw in at least two articles in favor of using “person with autism” that the authors strongly oppose language referring to disabilities like “suffers from,” (i.e. “Alan suffers from Asperger’s syndrome;” “Joey, an autism sufferer;” etc.) which has traditionally been a talking point of self-advocates as well. I do understand that not everyone who supports the use of terminology “person with autism” would disagree with language like “suffers from,” but it is still interesting that there are those who do. It suggests a fundamental shared value — that people with different neurological conditions are not “suffering” because of their difference or disability.

Secondly, as alluded earlier, those on both sides want to emphasize the value and worth of the person. Person-first language advocates believe the best way to do this is through literally putting the noun identifying “person” before any other identifiers. (As noted in one of the other articles opposing person-first language, however, English is a language that puts adjectives before nouns, whereas there are multiple languages that always place adjectives after nouns.
In Spanish, for example, “person with autism” is “persona con autismo,” while “Autistic person” becomes “persona autística.” In both cases, autism/Autistic follows the noun.) Person-first language opponents believe the best way to do this is by recognizing and edifying the person’s identity as an Autistic person as opposed to shunting an essential part of the person’s identity to the side in favor of political correctness.

It is impossible to affirm the value and worth of an Autistic person without recognizing his or her identity as an Autistic person. Referring to me as “a person with autism,” or “an individual with Autism Spectrum Disorder” demeans who I am because it denies who I am.

Lastly, what is most interesting indeed is the shared expressed sentiments that using or not using person-first language is necessary to change and shift societal attitudes toward Autistic people. Returning to the premise of this article, this is the sole reason why this debate continues to be argued and why many people on both sides regularly emerge upset and feel personally attacked. Language does play a large role in shaping societal attitudes.

But let’s think about what we are doing when we use these terms. When we say “person with autism,” we say that it is unfortunate and an accident that a person is Autistic. We affirm that the person has value and worth, and that autism is entirely separate from what gives him or her value and worth. In fact, we are saying that autism is detrimental to value and worth as a person, which is why we separate the condition with the word “with” or “has.” Ultimately, what we are saying when we say “person with autism” is that the person would be better off if not Autistic, and that it would have been better if he or she had been born typical. We suppress the individual’s identity as an Autistic person because we are saying that autism is something inherently bad like a disease.

Yet, when we say “Autistic person,” we recognize, affirm, and validate an individual’s identity as an Autistic person. We recognize the value and worth of that individual as an Autistic person — that being Autistic is not a condition absolutely irreconcilable with regarding people as inherently valuable and worth something. We affirm the individual’s potential to grow and mature, to overcome challenges and disability, and to live a meaningful life as an Autistic. Ultimately, we are accepting that the individual is different from non-Autistic people–and that that’s not a tragedy, and we are showing that we are not afraid or ashamed to recognize that difference.

That’s why, when I read a few articles scoffing entirely at the debate, and dismissing it as ultimately irrelevant (insisting that each person should use the terminology he or she prefers and to ignore what other people say or write), I was concerned. The question of person-first language is definitely important and cannot be disregarded. The way we use language affects those around us — in our immediate communities and in society at large. Trends of language have the power to transform ideas and attitudes. To dismiss this as “a silly semantics argument” denies the power of language.

What does, however, disturb me is the vitriol during debates about this (and similar) topics in the autism community. While it is, as repeatedly emphasized, an important debate with huge ramifications both short-term and long-term, hurling ad hominem insults, making baseless accusations, and shouting over tables (or computer screens) at the people on the other side ultimately demeans both you and them. It shows great immaturity, inability to civilly and peaceably discuss important topics, and insensitivity to the personal experiences vested in each of us with a stake in this debate. Having strong opinions on a topic and being able to have a respectful discussion with someone else are not mutually exclusive.

I guess now the question comes to you all is what do I call myself?

I usually call myself an Aspie a cliniclal slang term that means person with Aspergers and removing the word “syndrome” it doesn’t belong there.
I also shared some more of the thoughts of these terms in my other video which I shall link it here in the icard and description box for you all to watch after this
video to gain more understanding again.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST THE LAST QUESTION IS HOW DO WE MOVE ON FORWARD OR HOW CAN WE MOVE FORWARD

So what can we do moving forward? Or, more importantly, what should we do? To those of you who use “person with autism,” I will always respect your constitutional right to express yourself however you like, but I urge you to reconsider the consequences of using such language.
To those of you who use “Autistic person,” I urge you to consistently use such phrasing everywhere possible, whenever discussing autism and issues that affect
Autistic people, and to develop coherent, rational explanations for why you prefer this terminology, so that you can engage in such mutually respectful and
civil exchanges with others.

That, actually, goes for everyone. If we ever want to accomplish anything as a community, as a movement, or as advocates, we cannot allow ourselves to be constantly divided by infighting and vicious bullying — and yes, that occurs from all sides of these debates, not just one. It is imperative that we learn to engage critically and respectfully with one another, and to value each individual’s voice and feelings as equally important. Otherwise, we’ll become even more dysfunctional than my subcommittee has been in recent months.

ECHOLALIA AND SCRIPTING: STRADDLING THE BORDER OF FUNCTIONAL LANGUAGE

Have you ever wondered why autistics do scripting and echolalia? Well, here I am today to share with you all about this to gain a better understanding of why this is.

Scripting is the repetition of words, phrases, intonation, or sounds of the speech of others, sometimes taken from movies, but also sometimes taken from other sources such as favorite books or something someone else has said. People with Autism Spectrum Disorders often display scripting in the process of learning to talk.

However, Echolalia definition on the other hand is defined as the repetition of words, phrases, intonation, or sounds of the speech of others. Children and adults with autism often display echolalia in the process of learning to talk. Immediate echolalia is the exact repetition of someone else’s speech, immediately or soon after the child hears it.Delayed echolalia may occur several minutes, hours, days, or even weeks or years after the original speech was heard. Echolalia is sometimes referred to as “movie talk” because the child can remember and repeat chunks of speech like repeating a movie script. Echolalia was once thought to be non-functional, but is now understood to often serve a communicative or regulatory purpose for the child.

Let’s imagine that you’re in an environmental setting with a few friends and yourself as the autistic.
You all are sitting down for dinner at a restaurant or even a group therapy session and yourself as the autistic feel tired and wiped out after having a busy day doing normal activities with your peers.

Example 1: During the course of dinner shall we say, that the waitress that has been serving customers make many visits to your table especially asking questions that they usually do. Questions like:

  • How are you tonight?
  • Would you like me to bring any ketchup or hot sauce?
  • Is there anything else I can get you?
  • Would you like more water?
  • Do you want to see the dessert menu?
  • To every one of those questions (and perhaps others I don’t remember) I replied, “I’m good.”

“I’m good” made sense the first time and is an okay answer for the others, assuming I didn’t actually want more water or a dessert or need anything else.
Except that I did want more water. I was just too tired to override the default script my brain had settled on and by the time I realized what had happened, she had disappeared into the kitchen.

Not a big deal. Someone else came around and filled our water glasses a short time later. If they hadn’t, I could have just told the waitress I’d changed mind
and would like some water.

Functional or Nonfunctional?


So does that make my scripting functional or nonfunctional? This is the question we need to ask ourselves while we are using these formalities of our different language.

“Functional language” generally refers to language pragmatics or the social function of language.
It isn’t so much the opposite of nonfunctional as a way of describing a specific class of language.
More simply, language is functional if it helps complete interactions like:

*inviting
*greeting
*requesting
*demanding
*clarifying
*refusing
*agreeing
*offering
*suggesting
*informing
*giving advice
*apologizing
*complaining

In the context of autism, functional and nonfunctional are also used in the more colloquial sense too.
Something is functional if it accomplishes a desired goal and nonfunctional if it does not.
You’ll often read that echolalia is nonfunctional or stimming is nonfunctional or routines are nonfunctional I’ve talked about the fallacy of these beliefs in the past. Just because something appears to be nonfunctional to an observer does not mean that it is nonfunctional
to the person doing it.

Sometimes, however, echolalia or scripted language can be nonfunctional and I think it’s important for us to learn to spot those times,either in ourselves or in a loved one.

On the surface, my scripted (and probably echolalic) answers to the waitress were functional. She asked. I answered. She went away thinking that we’d completed a series of successful exchanges of information.

For me, however, it was a mixed bag. When the script lined up with my actual feelings, it was functional.

It was also functional in the sense that it allowed me to reflexively “pass” in a situation that wasn’t high stakes.
Not every social interaction is important. Sometimes the goal is simply to answer the other person so they’ll go about their business and leave you alone.

The alternative that night was repeated variations on this short yet uncomfortable exchange:

  • Me: I’d like an iced tea, please.
  • Waitress: Would you like sugar?
  • Me: No, I’d like it . . .
  • Me: [can taste what I mean but the word is nowhere to be found]
  • Me: [wow, cannot even produce a word that is close or any word at all]
  • Waitress: . . .
  • Me: [clearly, this flails hand gesture is not conveying what I mean, is my mouth stuck in this open position now? will this silence go on forever?]
  • Waitress: Unsweetened?
  • Me: Yes!

Scripting can grease the social wheels and I think those of us who have trained ourselves to pass will often unconsciously default to scripting or echolalia simply to conceal the fact that we can’t find the right word or we’ve lost the thread of a conversation. After all, there’s often subtle, unspoken social pressure to keep a conversation moving along.

Scripting becomes nonfunctional when an incorrect or inappropriate script is offered up automatically by a brain pressured to respond.
When your peers that you are with has observed that you were scripting with the waitress, but not with them. The waitress has other customers and her time at our table is limited. Whether it’s true or not, I feel like I need to come up with a snappy answer so she can move on and do her job. When I’m talking to friends that they know and are used to my pauses and edits of my form of communication.

The interesting thing to the autistic person about their exchanges with the waitress was how automatic they felt. After they didn’t get their water,I knew what I’d been doing,
but I still found it hard to stop. It was a bit like that moment of slow motion horror when you’ve dropped something and it hasn’t hit the floor yet.
On some level I saw what was happening but it was simultaneously too late to do anything to stop it. Every single time.

Recognizing the Difference

Automatic scripting can be as harmless as what I’ve described here or it can be a serious impediment to communication. Imagine if instead of a restaurant
I was at the emergency room and instead of a waitress I was talking to a doctor. Repeatedly scripting “I’m good” would be a nonfunctional and potentially dangerous form of communication.

There’s no hard and fast rule about whether scripting, echolalia and other atypical types of speech are functional or not. A big part of the equation is situational:

Scripting and/or echolalia can be functional if the speaker’s words are aligned with what the speaker would like to express. If not, they may be nonfunctional.
Scripting and/or echolalia can be functional if the speaker’s words are coded in a form that their listener understands, even if the literal meaning of the words does not relate to the speaker’s intended meaning. If the listener is unfamiliar with the coded meaning, the words may be functional for the speaker, but unusable on the listener’s part. Scripting and/or echolalia can be functional if they allow for low stakes interaction or connection, even in the absence of providing actual information.
Not all functional communication is transactional.
When language is nonfunctional, it’s often hard for the speaker to self-correct. In my experience, nonfunctional language doesn’t happen by choice but as a
kind of defense mechanism or a last ditch effort to keep the lines of communication open in some way, even if it’s an unreliable and potentially harmful way.

As the peers that you are with should have or would have learned to recognize when autistics are defaulting to a nonfunctional type of communication that may be counterproductive,
they’re increasingly become good at checking in with me. The simple act of pausing within a situation to say “Is _ what you mean (want/need/think)?”can be enough to take me out of my scripted or echolalia speech. And that’s a good thing, because too often my script isn’t matching up with my feelings or needs
in those situations.The autistic person is simply producing the easiest verbal responses to stay–or at least appear to stay–engaged.

Successful communication requires both a giver (speaker) and a receiver of words (listener).
When two people know each other well, they often have lots of little in jokes and code words they use, which are mostly meaningless to others.
Echolalia and scripting work much the same way.

If you have a family member who uses echolalic or scripted phrases to communicate, you may have the equivalent of a mental decoder that tells you that “put on your shoes” means “let’s go to the park” and “I want toast” means “I’m hungry.” The two of you may find it fun to interact by repeating animal sounds, playing with nonsense words or replaying scenes from a favorite movie or TV show. Sometimes functional communications used to accomplish a task and sometimes it’s simply a way to say, “I’m here, I see you and I like spending time with you.”


My advice here is: you mustn’t try to do a word for word translation, but needed to feel the emotion behind the words and try to understand the context that way.Remember being utterly confused or any other feeling/emotion is only part of being a human and suggestion, but now, today,

Ask the autistic person who you’re conversing to verify all of what has been shared before writing about it and he/she will affirm that you’re understanding it correctly.
In the past I would have gotten all tangled up in the specifics of what she was saying. I would have sought to reassure her about whatever it was.
But now, understand that these scripts can serve as so much more.
They can serve another purpose. They are less about the words spoken and more about the emotions that are attached to them.So when an autistic is happy they will often speak of some of her favorite people.They might reference something that happened more than eight years ago, but that made them feel safe, or a specific time when they were really happy.
I’ve always thought these memories were nothing more than that. Memories she enjoyed voicing out loud, but nothing more. But now.Now, from what I write, or I share with others verbally,you all should understand that they are very much more than random memories. They are a kind of communication bridge.
A way of saying, I’m happy! Or I’m feeling really sad, or this is causing me terrible anxiety, but it’s more than just a vague statement about a feeling,
it’s actually a brilliant way of trying to convey much more. It’s a way to communicate a whole series of feelings.

The more you all think about the conversation we had, the more I feel you are understanding. Those scripts are like flashbacks in a movie. They give us a tremendous amount of information and are symbolic of so much.

Autism Interview With Jenna Gensic as the Interviewer and Myself as the Interviewee

Just recently I had an email from someone that wanted me to take part with her for an interview as a guest blog on her site to raise awareness about Autism Acceptance. I gladly did accepted.

Introducing Jenna Gensic (Bio)

Jenna Gensic is a freelance writer, disability advocate, and mother of four from northern Indiana (USA). Jenna has a BA in English and an MA in English writing; she taught high school English before making the decision to work from home and raise her young children. She is the author of What Your Child on the Spectrum ReallyNeeds: Advice from 12 Autistic Adults and manages the Learn from Autistics website (learnfromautistics.com), and writes and speaks about parenting issues related to prematurity, cerebral palsy, and Autism.

Purpose of the Interview: Jenna asked me a series of questions spreading awareness of Autism and I as an advocate and educator invite viewers to witness the everyday life of an ‘Aspie.’ I am also the author of Life of an Aspie and blogs at Life of an Aspie and I’m known as Aspie Answers on YouTube which you can find my channel here https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWKw1HpNsu_EyAhhEJrayyw?view_as=subscriber .
On Jenna’s’ blog I shared some tips for spreading autism understanding and acceptance.

The following questions she asked me were:

  1. When/how did you become aware of your autistic identity?

I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome, which is now being called Autism under the new diagnostic criteria. This is also known as an ‘Invisible’ condition and can be difficult for many females. Many of you may feel that we are just seen as quirky, shy, emotional, and difficult, or even blunt and outspoken. Whatever feelings or traits that we display, we are who we are, and we just need to be understood and not taken advantage of.

As you can see in this diagram illustrated of the different types of Autism Spectrum Disorders.
Link: https://www.growingyourbaby.com/category/autism/https://www.growingyourbaby.com/category/autism/
As you can see here with this diagram illustrated that these are some of the common traits for autistics yet not all autistics will exhibit these traits.

Before being diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, my parents and I may have felt that I was sometimes obnoxious, shy, quiet, rude, selfish, and cruel to some extent. The whole mass of feelings inside of me that I do portray then comes with the label “Drama queen” from many people who see me, along with many other labels, and certain labels can be damaging.

Never label anyone with any conditions as this can damage them for life. Labels don’t belong to people. They belong elsewhere.

2. What inspired you to write Life of an Aspie?

After talking to some people on Facebook, I felt that regardless of my diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome and a host of other mental health conditions, it was time for me to be a voice, advocate, and/or educator for the ones who don’t have a voice yet. I wanted to become a voice to let others like me know that they’re not alone.

I believe strongly that with some of my life experiences- BIG OR SMALL -, some people may be able to relate somehow. When I wrote Life of an Aspie based on my everyday life experiences and struggles, I believed that we could embrace our identities and have the choice to speak out and make a change/difference to anyone who we may meet or come face-to-face with. I’ve always had a passion to write as well as being able to try and help people no matter what they’re facing. This includes being there for others if they needed someone to talk to, or being a listening ear or a sounding board, or offering, if needed, a piece of advice. In addition to writing this book, I have also been vlogging, and I hope sometime soon to do an updated version of my book.

I feel really strongly about other people’s thoughts and feelings, so I guess I’m also empathetic. I was also hoping this book might help remove the stigma and stereotyping about autism and mental health. I wanted to give others a better understanding and knowledge about autism and illustrate that not all autistics are the same.

Excerpt from Life of an Aspie: Looking into Everyday Life with Aspergers Syndrome:

We should at least enjoy every part of life as it comes. We should at least enjoy life by embracing it by being happy and at peace within ourselves and others around us. We should always live in the present and not worry too much about the future as it has not arrived yet for us. Life is also about learning the everyday lessons along the way. The trials and challenges we endure and face can determine everything about us and our future. Life is also about self-discovery – finding out who and what we really are as a person. I believe strongly that we all have a purpose and a reason in life as this is to why we are here today – to make a better start to the day starts with us.

My book I wrote a few years back that you can visit and purchase it from Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Life-Aspie-Everyday-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1520685122

3. What are you most passionate about?

There are quite a few things that I am passionate about, and they are my love for cooking, listening to music, singing, dancing, writing, vlogging, or whatever other means that allows me to show my creative side. I also love to read and be around people who love me and accept me for who and what I am as a whole, and not just an autistic. I love to learn new languages and different cultures. I also love animals, especially ones that will keep me company and at ease with my health. This are just a few things I am passionate about.

4. What are some of the most important things neurotypicals can do or understand that would make life easier for people on the spectrum?

There are a few important things that neurotypicals can do or understand that would make life easier for people on the spectrum and I only compiled at least ten and they are as follows:

  1. Accept us for who we are as people and don’t make us someone we are not to meet your expectations.
  2. Don’t forever be talking down to us! After all, we are still human despite our different ways of communicating, comprehending, etc.
  3. Be patient with us. If we say or do anything wrong, do tell us or show us a different method/technique that may work for you that could possibly help us as well.
  4. Have empathy but not sympathy for us!
  5. When giving a host of many tasks for us to do, be sure to allow time for us to complete each one as well as help us compose a list that will help us breakdown the tasks throughout the day.
  6. Communicate to us if there is a problem as many of us autistics are problem-solvers. Talk to us about the problem and then we should all be able to work together to make things happen.
  7. Inclusion not exclusion. What I mean here is that many of us autistics are excluded from our peers or even just everyday people, when often we would like to be with everyone else.
  8. When we have our meltdowns, shutdowns etc, again, be patient and give us time and space to do what we can to recharge.
  9. Socialisation for many of us can take a lot out of us; therefore, we need the time and space to recharge our batteries. So, please don’t feel or think that we’re being rude if we are walking away or needing to get away from the people and environment that we are in.
  10. When we have a meltdown, be sure to ask us if we are okay. Sometimes many of us just need the reassurance that others around us will be there once it’s over.

(Reference: Some other answers will be found in my playlist on YouTube Autism & Aspergers Syndrome Help Central/Tips & Advicehttps://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLD1nCoeovTZ53B9xfw8vgujCMNTYfKElC

Note: There are two parts to my interview guest blog which the first one will be live at
and the link to that interview is:

5. What were the important steps that helped you learn to accept your autism (and gain the confidence to write a guide for others?

There are again so many important steps that I’ve learned to accept my autism and gain the confidence to write a guide for others and there are only nine here to list.

The important steps that have helped me to learn to accept my autism were realizing:

  1. I am not alone. There are other autistic people like me.
  2. I should never be ashamed of who and what I am.
  3. We all have different abilities and talents that we can show to others, and they can learn from us.
  4. Without awareness, acceptance isn’t possible.
  5. How to find the right people who will love me and accept me no matter what. The right people will be positive and supportive enough to help me throughout my life, which is crucial to fulfill my needs, dreams, goals, etc.
  6. Embracing autism and loving ourselves does take time for some of us after being diagnosed.
  7. I am human, and yes, I do make mistakes as well.
  8. There are some support networks out there, it is a matter of finding the right ones where we can feel that we belong.
  9. Finding my voice can be valuable for the ones who haven’t found theirs. This way I can advocate and educate others about this and more.

You can find my full written guide of what I wrote here: https://lifeofanaspieweb.wordpress.com/2019/08/23/accepting-your-autism-how-to-comprehensive-guide/

The interview guest blog will be broken into two parts and different dates and they are as follows:

Post #1, Tuesday, February 25th (8 a.m. Eastern Standard Time USA) Interview


https://www.learnfromautistics.com/autism-interview-120-kerrin-maclean-on-accepting-autism

Post #2: Tuesday, March 3rd (8 a.m. Eastern Standard Time USA)Accepting Your Autism Guide

https://www.learnfromautistics.com/accepting-your-autism:-a-how-to-comprehensive-guide-by-kerrin-maclean

So, I hope you will visit Jenna’s site for a read once they’re live and enjoy what I wrote.

3 Methods on How To Not Get Depressed By Loneliness

*DISCLAIMER: I’m no medical doctor, I’m just your normal Jo Blogs sharing her life experiences and raising awareness for autism and mental health. If you see anything out of the ordinary or feel out of the ordinary for yourself or your loved on, I advise you to seek help and answers with a medical professional as I don’t forever condone self-harm.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ke1AKTMSXLA

Most, if not all, of us feel loneliness at some point in our lives.
Unfortunately, loneliness can become chronic and result in depression if it is not dealt with effectively and professionally.
Therefore, it is crucial to deal with your loneliness in healthy ways in order to reduce the likelihood of developing a longer-term condition.
There are ways to avoid depression from loneliness by using coping skills when you feel lonely, increasing social connection, and exploring your feelings of loneliness
to avoid depressions.
So, here I am today to give you all some advice on these three methods on how to not get depressed by loneliness.

So, as you’re aware basically I’m going to be talking about as I said about a how to comprehension guide for you guys on dealing with loneliness and hopefully the methods and techniques that will help you. So, there are three different methods – the first one is Method 1- Reducing Your Loneliness, Method 2 – Increasing Social Connection and Method 3 is Preventing Depression from Loneliness

So, let’s begin this.

Method 1: Reducing Loneliness

1.Change the way you think about being alone

The nature of our thoughts determines the quality of our life whether it is sad, happy and contented.
Also, happy, optimistic, positive thoughts, emotions, and feelings generate a zing in our system which makes the blood flow freely and heartbeat joyously if we’re in that happy states.
They create a spring in our feet and spur us to action. Let us remember the age-old saying that the mind- thoughts- can move the mountains.
Pessimistic, sad and gloomy thoughts, on the other hand, create inertia and force us to stay bed-bound.
They way we usually think and act upon certain things will determine every outcome or situation that we face in life of our everyday challenges. Yet, what we do and say etc is up to us and starts with us and ends with us. We can be our own worse enemy when we create some negativity in our lives.
Our actions are the practical manifestations of our thoughts.

It is quite clear, therefore, that we must bring about a change in the way we think in order to create happiness and a sense of fulfillment in our life.
A good thing about our brain is that it willingly adopts any changes that we bring about in our thinking patterns.

Your thoughts can change your feelings (loneliness, depression) and behaviors (how well we cope and how well we adapt to the changes around us).
If you think negatively about being alone, you will most likely have negative feelings about it.
However, if you embrace being alone you may be able to better cope with it and reduce your loneliness overall.
Use positive self-talk. For example, tell yourself that being alone can be a good thing.
Tell yourself, “It’s okay to be alone. I like my own company.” This can help you build up your tolerance to being alone.
When you find yourself thinking negatively about being alone such as, “I hate being alone. I’m so lonely. This is terrible,”
Think of some alternative thoughts that might be more realistic and helpful. For example, you could think or tell yourself,
“I can deal with being alone. I feel lonely but I know I can cope with it. It’s not so bad. Alone time can be a positive thing.”

Note: I’ll share some ways for us to change our thoughts of the negatives in one of my next videos.

  1. Manage your thoughts about your social interactions.

Again, it’s okay to be lonely for a time if you need it for yourself to better yourself as a person.
Don’t forever feel that you should be socialising all the time in other words too.
It’s a given that sometime in our lives that we’ll face loneliness. Yet, the question is as I shared is or can loneliness be a good thing for us?
Loneliness does has it’s pros and cons along with its benefits and disadvantages.
We need to be aware of our feelings and emotions and everything around us to what’s going on and hopefully, to react in the right way
when these situations that we come to face, hits us in our face.

People will feel lonely for quite a number of reasons, which may be includings something like simple social awkwardness and intentional isolation.
Some people may even feel lonely when they are surrounded by people because they lack meaningful connections with those people.
Everyone experiences loneliness sometimes in our lives as I’ve mentioned, but it is never pleasant to any of us. Dealing with loneliness can take many forms, such as
including meeting new people, learning to appreciate your alone time, and reconnecting with our own family and so much more.
You can click above me to what I shared about a few tips and advice on how to overcome and deal with loneliness on a daily.
(Video – Dealing with Loneliness [How To Guide] Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPx-BEzDJzg )

Studies show that how you think about yourself in relation to others has an impact on your level of loneliness.
Fear of rejection can discourage social activity and increase feelings of loneliness.
As we know that fear of rejection is an emotion and sometimes many of us we feel that kind of feeling based on that if we’re trying to
socialise and more.
If you are thinking you are inferior, this may lead to worrying about social interactions. Remind yourself that we are each different but we are equal. We are worthy.
Expect positive outcomes instead of negative ones when interacting with others. Think of alternative ways that the situation might pan out for you.
For example, perhaps the person will like you! It may not always turn out as badly as you think it will.

3. Surround yourself with animals.

Animals are the next best thing to humans. There is a reason some therapeutic treatments involve therapy dogs or nature-related activities.
Research suggests that being in nature or around animals can give you sense of calm and reduce loneliness. Get a dog, cat, or any other pet (fish, hamster, etc). However, don’t overload yourself with too many pets that are difficult to manage. Make sure you identify first what you are prepared to take care of (a fish vs. a dog can be a big difference). If you’ve never owned a pet before, start small.
If you cannot get a pet, go to the pet store and spend some time with the animals. You could also visit a zoo, or offer to watch a friend’s pet for the weekend.
With almost no effort at all, pets manage to bring so much joy into our lives. They make us laugh, comfort us when we’re sick or upset, and are always there for us no matter what.
Not everyone understands the bond between human and the animal or the beast, though, or even realizes how much pets do for their owners. We will take a quick look at ten of the benefits of having a furry friend.

1) They keep you fit

All breeds of dog need regular, daily walks in order to stay happy and healthy, and so do we!
However, we sometimes have the tendency to get a bit lazy – if that sounds like you, a dog is the perfect cure! They’ll be dragging you out the front door and making you run around the park each and every day. Yes, a dog is possibly the best personal trainer you could ask for.

2) They make sure you’re never lonely

If you live by yourself, or your partner works different shift patterns to you, it can get awfully lonely at home – unless you have a pet, of course!
Cats and dogs make great companions – they’ll always be waiting for you to come home and they’ll be happy to lend an ear should you want to moan about the awful day you’ve had and won’t answer you back if you did have a bad day. Plus, most of the time, they’re up for a snuggle on the sofa.

3) They lower your stress levels

Modern life is stressful and high levels of anxiety can lead to numerous health problems. Luckily, pets can really help us relax –stroking your cat or simply watching fish swim around in a tank can make your worries melt away. Previous studies have proven that pet owners tend to have lower blood pressure, cholesterol and triglyceride levels than people who don’t own a pet. That means having a furry pal can decrease the chances of suffering a heart attack later in life.

4) They can help you make friends

The pet owner community is an incredibly friendly one – you’ll often find that people will stop to talk to you about your dog in the park.
Having a pet is a great way to meet new people and create bonds quickly, especially if you’re not too good at small talk.
You never know, owning a dog may help you meet the love of your life!

5) They can improve your immune system

Pets spend a lot of their time outside and therefore bring all sorts of dirt and germs into your home.
This isn’t necessarily a bad thing though – the additional germs can help improve your immunity to colds and other mild illnesses.
In fact, previous studies have shown that babies who live with a dog tend to experience fewer infections and are generally healthier than those who don’t.

6) They can stop your children from developing allergies

While it’s no guarantee that owning a pet will stop your children from developing certain allergies, the evidence suggests the dander in their fur may help.
However, it’s worth noting that you should never own a cat or dog if you are allergic to them – you won’t suddenly become immune!

7) They can catch cancer early

It’s no secret that a dogs’ sense of smell is incredible, but did you know that some canines are capable of detecting cancer?
Several pet owners have reported that their dog saved their lives after they noticed they were constantly pawing at, sniffing or even licking a tumor hidden underneath the skin.

8) They can teach kids responsibility

Every parent has heard the question ‘Can I have a pony/puppy/hamster?’ at some point in their child’s life. It’s no secret that kids love animals, and if they’re old enough,
having one as a pet can actually teach them a lot of important skills. Not only will they learn the practical skills required to own a pet, such as cleaning out the cage,
grooming and teaching tricks; they’ll also develop their nurturing and empathy skills, which are vital in later life.

9) They make you feel safe

Not everyone likes being home alone, but having a cat or dog there can make you feel a lot safer.
Plus, burglars are less likely to target a house that’s clearly home to a dog. Some breeds make excellent guard dogs and will even protect you when you’re out for a run or walk.

10) They can provide companionship to children with learning difficulties

Children with autism and similar learning disorders often find it difficult talking to fellow human beings, but they have no problem at all with chatting away to
friendly animals. After all, your pets can’t answer back and will always keep your secrets!

Looking after a pet is a big responsibility, but when you consider all the benefits above, they make all that hard work worthwhile.
Whether you choose to keep a cat, dog, horse or hamster, they’ll make a great companion.

  1. Read.

When alone, reading can give you a sense of social connection and help combat loneliness.
You can connect with the author or characters in the book. Reading can also transport you to another place and distract you momentarily from feeling lonely. Read as much as possible, because reading not only calms you but also helps keep your mind fresh and active.
Pick a novel that you can read for pleasure.
Choose a genre that you enjoy such as adventure, fantasy, or sci-fi. You can even read a magazine.
Many books are available online as well.

Method 2: Increasing Social Connection

1. Develop healthy relationships.

Individuals who have satisfying interpersonal relationships and friendships show reduced depression,
a more positive outlook, and a better ability to deal with challenging situations and feelings overall.
Social support can help reduce stress that is associated with feeling lonely.
Going to therapy and going to family therapy are good ways to work on your relationships with whoever it may be. Focus on engaging in social activities that can lead to friendships.
Keep away from cynical and negative people if they bring you down. It’s okay to cut people out of your family, friends or whoever they are that are negative
because we shouldn’t have to deal with negativity on the daily.
Ask for help when you need it. Again asking for help is never a sign of weakness. It’s the sign of strength and courage. It’s a sign of you accepting and coming to terms as an acknowledgement in yourself that there’s something not quite right for yous.

2. Have realistic expectations when you socialize.


Rejection can be more of a worry when you feel lonely. Remember that rejection is another feeling/emotion that we feel. After all, we are humans and we are meant to feel things
Try not to put pressure on yourself to make a new best friend or a fantastic conversation with each social interaction that you get involved with.
Instead, try to enjoy the feeling of connecting in the moment. Social networking can be an option.
Social networking allows you to connect with other people without having to worry too much about rejection. Try leaving a comment on someone’s post, or sending someone a short message.
When you’re socializing in person however on the other hand, whether with someone you know or a stranger, try making small talk. You can start with the friendly question, “How is your day going?”. Asking someone how their day is going may not seem like the start of a profound conversation, but it allows you to make a small connection with anyone you meet.
And again in saying this that it may also lead into another conversation in depth later on. If it doesn’t lead you to a deeper conversation that’s fine. If not, you’ve still shared a moment with another person and that you’re showing that other person also that you’re showing some interest with that person or vice versa they’re showing interest in you while you’re being open.

3. Be open to meeting new people.

Yes, it can be hard for us coming down to being lonely, being social awkward or whatever it may be in this day and age. I will admit that I am still
a little bit socially awkward, shy and all that in myself but then again it’s just me. Signing up for a dating website, joining a group or club, volunteering, or taking a class are just a few ways to put yourself in situations where you’ll meet new people who share common interests with you.
If you are interested in and connect with someone, a great way to follow up is by adding him or her on a social networking site (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or what have you).
Or even on your cellphone, if you want to have the courage to phone them or text them.
Remember that the relationships you form may not grow deeper right away, and that’s OK. For now, focus on how it feels to connect with people again in that moment.

  1. Be proud of yourself when you make progress.

It can be tough to get out there and socialize with people. Each time you make a connection, whether it’s making small talk with a stranger or asking someone in your class out for coffee, be proud of yourself for reaching out.
Feeling positive about your social achievements will help you continue making an effort to connect with people. As your social needs are increasingly met, you’ll begin to feel less lonely.

Method 3: Preventing Depression from Loneliness

  1. Engage in positive activities.

Doing positive activities may help reduce the risk of depression, and it’s an effective strategy for regulating emotions.
Research shows that focusing on positive activities can shift attention away from distressing thoughts that’s on our mind. On the other hand, focusing on something negative can cause increased distress and other negative stuff .
Go for a light walk in the park or some calming place.
Watch a funny movie. Laughter really can be the best medicine after all. Laughter can also be your best friend. Laughter has been shown to increase overall health and happiness.
Social support is a crucial component of preventing depression. If you can, try to spend time with or talk to others in order to prevent depression.
Call up a friend, coworker, or family member so that you can therefore talk to them.

2. Use mindfulness.

If you have been depressed previously due to loneliness or any other reason behind it,
because as I said before that loneliness can be a profactor that interlaps with mental health; be it depression, anxiety and everything else.
But in saying this, mindfulness can help reduce the likelihood that you will get depressed again.

Benefits of Mindfulness

There are many benefits for Mindfulness and The cultivation of mindfulness has roots in Buddhism,
but most religions include some type of prayer or meditation technique that helps shift your thoughts away from your usual preoccupations toward an
appreciation of the moment and a larger perspective on life.

Professor emeritus Jon Kabat-Zinn, founder and former director of the Stress Reduction Clinic at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center,
helped to bring the practice of mindfulness meditation into mainstream medicine and demonstrated that practicing mindfulness can bring improvements in both physical and
psychological symptoms as well as positive changes in health, attitudes, and behaviors.

  1. Mindfulness improves well-being.

Increasing your capacity for mindfulness supports many attitudes that contribute to a satisfied life.
Being mindful makes it easier to savor the pleasures in life as they occur, helps you become fully engaged in activities, and creates a
greater capacity to deal with adverse events of the here and now. By focusing on the here and now, many people who practice mindfulness find that they are less likely to
get caught up in worries about the future or regrets over the past, are less preoccupied with concerns about success and self-esteem issues, and are better able to form deep
connections with others.

  1. Mindfulness improves physical health.

If greater well-being isn’t enough of an incentive, scientists have discovered that mindfulness techniques help improve physical health in a number of ways.
Mindfulness can: help relieve stress, treat heart disease, lower blood pressure, reduce chronic pain, , improve sleep, and alleviate gastrointestinal difficulties.

3. Mindfulness improves mental health.

In recent years, psychotherapists have turned to mindfulness meditation as an important element in the treatment of a number of problems,
including: depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, couples’ conflicts, anxiety disorders, and obsessive-compulsive disorder

How does mindfulness work?

Some experts believe that mindfulness works, in part, by helping people to accept their experiences—including painful emotions—rather than react to them with aversion and avoidance.

It’s become increasingly common for mindfulness meditation to be combined with psychotherapy, especially cognitive behavioral therapy. This development makes good sense, since both meditation and cognitive behavioral therapy share the common goal of helping people gain perspective on irrational,
maladaptive, and self-defeating thoughts.

Mindfulness techniques

There is more than one way to practice mindfulness however, but the goal of any mindfulness technique is to achieve a state of alert, focused relaxation by deliberately paying
attention to thoughts and sensations without judgment. This allows the mind to refocus on the present moment. All mindfulness techniques are a form of meditation.

  1. Basic mindfulness meditation – Sit quietly and focus on your natural breathing or on a word or “mantra” that you repeat silently.
    Allow thoughts to come and go without judgment and return to your focus on breath or mantra.
  2. Body sensations – Notice subtle body sensations such as an itch or tingling without judgment and let them pass. Notice each part of your body in succession from head to toe.
  3. Sensory – Notice sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches. Name them “sight,” “sound,” “smell,” “taste,” or “touch” without judgment and let them go.
  4. Emotions – Allow emotions to be present without judgment. Practice a steady and relaxed naming of emotions: “joy,” “anger,” “frustration.”
    Accept the presence of the emotions without judgment and let them go.
  5. Urge surfing – Cope with cravings (for addictive substances or behaviors) and allow them to pass. Notice how your body feels as the craving enters.
    Replace the wish for the craving to go away with the certain knowledge that it will subside.

Mindfulness has also been shown to help individuals who feel lonely.
Mindfulness is about giving your full attention to what you are currently doing and experiencing. Often we are distracted from the present moment by thoughts about the past
(regrets) or future (worry about what might happen). Practice mindfulness as often as you can, especially when you start to become lonely or depressed.
Try a mindfulness walk. Simply take a walk down the street and focus solely on your walk. Notice the sounds you hear, the things you see, the smells, and how you feel.
Is it hot or cold out? Is there a breeze or is the air still? Do you see any birds in the sky? Is it cloudy or sunny out?
Another mindfulness exercise is mindfulness-based meditation and guided imagery. Close your eyes and imagine you are in a safe place.
This can be a beach, your bedroom, or sitting under your favorite tree at a local park. Imagine that you are there. Experience your safe place in its entirety including what it feels like (i.e. the sand beneath your toes), smells like (salty air, fish),
looks like (notice the whole environment), tastes like (if you eat something or drink something), as well as what you hear (the waves crashing). When you have spent sufficient time in your safe space and feel relaxed you can open your eyes.
You can practice mindfulness easily at home, by paying close attention to whatever you are currently doing.
For example, if you are washing the dishes – focus your attention solely on this experience. Notice how it feels on your hands,
the temperature of the water, as well as what you see. Often our minds will wander when we do these types of mundane activities.
Observe any thoughts that come into your mind, and without judgment, let them pass. Accept your thoughts and then re-direct your attention back to what you are doing.
You can research and find many more mindfulness exercises by conducting a quick google search or using some of the other apps and techniques from your cellphone.

  1. Take care of your health.

Depression poses a significant health risk because it can negatively affect medical afflictions.
Overall health is positively related to mental health and well-being.
Health issues can also contribute to feelings of depression. In order to effectively prevent depression due to loneliness, you will need to focus on maintaining your physical health.

Improving your nutrition by eating healthier can help prevent and decrease mental health problems.
Your body needs proper nutrients to function optimally. Ditch the junk food and focus on eating plenty of proteins, complex carbohydrates, fruits, and vegetables.

Make sure you get adequate rest.

This means at least 8 hours of sleep per night. Maintain a sleep schedule by going to bed at the same time each night
and waking up at the same time each morning (even on weekends).

Exercise regularly.


Aerobic exercise has been linked to reductions in depression.Walk, run, hike, do anything that gets you moving.
If you have any current medical conditions (especially those that affect depression) make sure you have regular visits to your doctor.

  1. Consider getting treatment.

If you think you are already doing all that you can and still feel lonely, or your loneliness is growing into depression, it may be wise to seek expert help from your professionals. Therapists and psychologists can assist you in developing a clinical and research-based plan to reduce your
depression or loneliness.

Therapies such as Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy as I said before and Interpersonal Therapy have been shown to reduce and prevent repeated depression.
Contact your medical insurance provider to inquire about obtaining therapeutic services such as therapy or psychotropic medication (antidepressants, etc).

If you lack in medical insurance, you can conduct a local search of low-cost mental health services. Many government agencies also provide low-cost health insurance.
Psychiatrists can prescribe you medication if you are open to that. Ask your primary care doctor or therapist for a referral.

Coping With Depression After a Break Up

This will share you guys advice on how to cope with your breakup with depression. Enjoy~

Break-ups can be devastating. Break-ups can also cause so many mixed feelings and emotions as well as for many of us some or so many unanswered questions
to why we break-up in the first place.

We shouldn’t have to always always dwell on it as sometimes yes break-ups for many of us will take time to get over that particular someone. It’s a rough transition from sharing every part of your life with someone that you loved and cared about, to picking up the phone and suddenly remembering that it’s a bad idea to call them.


In some cases, people can slip into depression: a mood disorder that can feel so heavy and difficult that no one else can possibly understand what you are going through.

Caring for yourself, and deciding how to move forward, can be a serious challenge for many of us.
Here with this video comprehension guide today, I will be giving you four methods on how to deal with depression after a break-up. They are as follows: Method 1: Handling Depression, Method 2: Handling your feelings, Method 3: Caring for yourself and Method 4: Avoiding Isolation.

So, as I said before basically break ups can be really hard for many of us. It can be devastating for many of us. We tend to question to ourselves over and over again as I said why is this happening? Could I have done better? Was I the problem etc etc. Right? But in saying this though, we need to know that we’re not at fault sometimes as break ups happen in our lives regardless how old we are or even young we are if we’re trialling out the dating life. So, here is the methods now that I am going to share
with you all. So, the very first one of method 1 as I’ve mentioned is

Method 1 : Handling Your Depression

  1. Know the difference between sadness and depression.

Sadness and depression are two different emotions with different symptoms. It’s okay to not be okay once in a while.
We all will go through a break-up sometime in our lives as I said. After a breakup, it’s normal to cry, lose sleep, get angry, and temporarily lose interest in regular activities. This is part of the healing process for us. But you might have a more serious problem if you’re experiencing things like:


*Serious changes in eating or sleeping habits
*Fatigue
*Often feeling worthless, empty, or hopeless
*Unbearable, relentless emotional pain
*Irritability
*Difficulty focusing or making the right decisions
*Failure to clean your living space and manage basic hygiene
(Thinking about death, or even hurting yourself)

  1. Log your symptoms or journalling your symptoms.

As I shared before that it is always a good idea to write down our feelings, emotions, symptoms so that we can keep ourselves on track. So, basically I said about this in one of the videos that I shared earlier in the piece about handling your loneliness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPx-BEzDJzg.


When we do see something out of the ordinary of our everyday lives, we should be able to seek help no matter who it is from. Be it from our medical expert team.Be it through our friends or family or whoever.

Never be ashamed to ask for help when you need it as this is the first step to acknowledging in ourselves that there’s a problem.

It’s okay to ask for help as that is the first step for our recovery process for any recovery process. Be it our break up. Be it addictions. Whatever it may be. And this is the first step also in recognising that something is wrong with us or just something wrong in general.
If you suspect that you may have depression however, or that something else might be wrong, then try as I said keeping a journal to note down what it is that you’re going through.


If in doubt, write it on paper, or on your computer wherever it may be, for you to keep track of what you’re going through. It can be helpful to review later, and you can bring it to the doctor if you decide to get an evaluation as well as just some help.

My advice here is: Try writing down basic feelings, like “I felt hopeless all morning” or “I tried to have fun but was mostly listless and tired.” You don’t have to be very detailed if it’s too upsetting though, just to bear in mind also.
Try writing down what you did in that time period, like “I watched movies all evening and cried a lot” or “I stayed in bed for 3 hours in the morning because I had no
energy left in me.”

3 . Know the time frame and urgency level that typically constitutes a problem.

Experts usually recommend waiting around 2 weeks to a month to see if things get better for us.
You also have a problem if your sadness is preventing you from doing basic living tasks that you take for granted (like working or caring for your kids). You should see a doctor if:
You haven’t improved at all within 2-3 weeks period.
You can’t work or take care of yourself or your family. You think that you might hurt yourself.

4. Talk to a doctor about treatment options.

Your doctor may recommend therapy and/or medication to correct chemical imbalances in the brain.
The brain can get sick just like other body parts can. There’s nothing “wrong” with you to remind yourself if you have depression, or if you take medication to help fix it.
Not just fix it but to keep it in balance realm and don’t basically be afraid to take it.
Do try and trust the medical team either via through your consellor and or doctors etc as they’re there to help as no shame again to ask for help.

  1. Contact a crisis line if you’re in immediate danger.

If you think that you might be in danger or about to harm yourself, don’t just sit there. Grab your phone, and find a line to text or call them.
If you feel more comfortable in talking to a trained counselor or texting a crisis text line wherever you will be.

WHERE TO GET HELP: If you are worried about you or someone else’s mental health, the best place to get help is your GP or local mental health provider here in NZ.
However, if you or someone else is in danger or endangering others, call police immediately on 111.
Or if you need to talk to someone else here are some NZ organizations that may help:

• SUICIDE CRISIS HELPLINE: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
• YOUTHLINE: 0800 376 633
• NEED TO TALK? Free call or text 1737 (available 24/7)
• KIDSLINE: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
• WHATSUP: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm)
• DEPRESSION HELPLINE: 0800 111 757

Otherwise, if you live in a different country there are some International Organisations/Services that can help:

IF YOU LIVE IN ENGLAND: NHS 111: Telephone 111 (open 24 hours)

Samaritans: Telephone 116123 (open 24 hours)

IF YOU LIVE IN WALES: NHS Direct Wales: Telephone 0845 46 47 (open 24 hours)

Samaritans Wales: Telephone 116 123 (0808 164 0123 Cymraeg) (open 24 hours)

IF YOU LIVE IN SCOTLAND: NHS 24: Telephone 111 (open 24 hours)

Breathing Space: Telephone 0800 83 85 87

If you live in Northern Ireland: Samaritans: Telephone 116 123 (open 24 hours)

Lifeline: 0808 808 8000 (open 24 hours)

MENTAL HEALTH AMERICA SERVICES

Do you need to talk to someone? If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call 911, go to the nearest emergency room, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
to reach a 24-hour crisis center, or text MHA to 741741 at the Crisis Text Line.

You can also call 1-800-985-5990 or text “TalkWithUs” to 66746 at the SAMHSA Disaster Distress Helpline.
Trained crisis workers will listen to you and direct you to the resources you need.

MENTAL HEALTH AUSTRALIAN SERVICES

beyondblue aims to increase awareness of depression and anxiety and reduce stigma. Call 1300 22 4636, 24 hours / 7 days a week.

Blueheadspace provides mental health and wellbeing support, information and services to young people aged 12 to 25 years and their families. Call 1800 650 890.

Kids Helpline is Australia’s only free 24/7 confidential and private counseling service specifically for children and young people aged 5 to 25. Call 1800 55 1800.

Lifeline provides 24-hour crisis counseling, support groups, and suicide prevention services. Call 13 11 14.

The MindSpot Clinic is a free telephone and online service for people with stress, worry, anxiety, low mood or depression.
They provide online assessment and treatment for anxiety and depression. The MindSpot Clinic does not provide an emergency or instant response service.
Call 1800 61 44 34 AEST, 8am-8pm (Mon-Fri), 8am-6pm (Sat).

SANE Australia provides support, training, and education enabling those with a mental illness to lead a better life.
Call 1800 18 7263, 9am-5pm AEST (Mon-Fri).

Suicide Call Back Service provides 24/7 support if you or someone you know is feeling suicidal.
Call 1300 659 467.

Veterans and Veterans Families Counselling Service (VVCS) provides 24/7 free and confidential,
nationwide counseling and support for war and service-related mental health conditions, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD),
anxiety, depression, sleep disturbance, and anger. Call 1800 011 046.

Method 2: Handling Your Feelings

  1. Recognize that processing your feelings will take time.

Especially if the relationship has been long-term, this will be a difficult and probably a
long process for you. Expect that, and give yourself as much time as you need to get over the breakup.
Some people believe that the recovery from a breakup takes about half the time that the relationship lasted. For example, if your relationship lasted 6 months,
then you may need 3 months to fully recover. Keep in mind that everyone is different in this process, so you may take a little longer or shorter than this.
Because this is just a given guideline.

2. Give yourself space and time to feel your difficult feelings.

It’s normal for people to feel anger, frustration, sadness, fear, and all kinds of emotions after a bad breakup. Some of them may not be related to your ex at all. That’s okay. Let yourself cry and be upset. It’s okay to mourn the lost relationship.
Try labeling your feelings if they’re overwhelming you. Are you feeling insecure? Worried about the future? Are you lost? etc etc.

  1. Put away any reminders of your old relationship.

Take everything that reminds you of your ex (pictures, letters, keepsakes etc etc) and put it all in a box.
Then put the box out of sight and out of mind, like say in a closet corner or under your bed. Leave it there. You can sort it all out later, after you’ve gotten over the breakup.
Don’t throw it all away. You may regret that later.
If you think you might be tempted to revisit the box too soon, try putting a notice on it, like “do not open until a certain month like April or whatever.”

4 . Find a good outlet.

Coping with strong emotions can be hard. It helps to find a good way to let them out. Experiment with different ways to express yourself, as long as they’re healthy and safe. Here are some ideas I suggest to you all:

  • Exercise
  • Express yourself using the arts: painting, making music, drawing, writing, etc.
  • Cry
  • Imagine yourself dramatically telling your story on a talk show
  • Write in a journal
  • Rip or cut up paper from the recycling bin
  • Scream into a pillow and hit the bed
  • Smash ice cubes in the bath tub.

Do whatever you can and want to get it out of your system after your break-up of your emotions but yet again as I say this- do it safely.

  1. Engage in your hobbies, and try exploring new ones too.

It helps to find new ways to be productive and creative. Also in saying this like that it’s okay to do similar hobbies that you’ve done in the past as well as maybe as I said before exploring some new ones if we haven’t done them of what we wanted to do when we were younger, but you couldn’t. Try doing it now! It’s never too late!

6. Ask yourself what you need right now.If you notice yourself having a rough time, stop. Ask yourself “What would help me feel better at this given moment?”

Think about what you could do right now that would make this difficult situation a little easier. Perhaps things could be improved a bit by something like…

  • Calling a friend
  • Taking a warm shower
  • Playing with your pet
  • Drinking hot chocolate
  • Getting a hug from someone else
  • Doing something else that feels right at the moment

7. Work towards moving on.

Remember you can’t dwell on what happened in the past of your ex and that you need to be determined to move on and focus on you and yourself because it is always
important to put us first in the bigger picture possible because basically it’s important in this point of time of a break up obviously it’s healthy of us to just sit down, re-evaluate things and actually focus on ourselves on our mental health, spiritual health and whatever else it may be. It’s also important in this process also so that you’re ready to conquer anything that may arise now and in the future also.
Eventually, you’ll need to accept that the relationship ended, and be able to plan for a future that doesn’t include your ex.

This is your goal. Keep it in the back of your mind. You don’t have to be there yet, and it may take a while. It’s helpful to remember which way you want to be heading.

  1. Remember that recovery isn’t linear.

Setbacks does happen, however but that doesn’t make them permanent. You may get better a while, and then suddenly feel a little worse.
That doesn’t mean that you won’t recover. You may bounce back from the setback in a day or week or two or more depending on how strung out you are.

Method 3: Caring for Yourself

1.Try to keep a regular schedule as best as you can.

It’s going to be hard at first as we know as we go through a break up, but you may have to force yourself to eat regular meals and sleep regularly. This too will take time, so be patient with yourself.
You may need to function at a sub-optimal level for some time. This is okay also.

  1. Find sneaky ways to be a little healthier.

When you have depression, it can be hard to put effort into your health. Something is better than nothing. Find little ways you can look after yourself, and then be proud of yourself.
If food prep is hard, try eating a healthy no-prep snack, like an apple or string cheese. You can even keep a non-perishable snack (like a jar of nuts) at your desk.
Do mini exercises, like leg lifts while watching TV, or lifting a five-pound weight while lying in bed.

3 Work on basic hygiene.

Depression can make ordinary tasks (like brushing your teeth or showering) monumentally difficult. They are, however, very important for your health.
Neglecting them for too long can make you sick, or cause health problems later on.

Try to brush your teeth at least once a day. Even a cursory brush, without toothpaste, is better than nothing. You can also scrape your teeth with a washcloth to help
remove buildup.


Try to shower at least once a day or once every other day. Use baby wipes to wipe areas that tend to get sweaty, like your armpits and the zone under your bra. Apply deodorant.
If you’re too tired to get dressed, at least change your pajamas and your underwear every day. You can also put on an old t-shirt and sweatpants if you’re feeling well enough.

4. Stay away from unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Sometimes, when people are suffering from depression, they are tempted to abuse alcohol, use drugs, or binge eat and the latter.
This can harm your body, and make you feel even worse.
Look for other options if you can do so. Also, make sure that you’re not in the wrong company.

5. Don’t be afraid to ask people to help you with self care and other basic tasks.

Depression can make it hard to initiate tasks, and stay focused on them. Sometimes, having another person there with you can help a lot.
You can ask for help with some hygiene and cleaning tasks that you’re struggling to manage. Here are some examples of things you could say:
“I’m exhausted, and having a hard time cleaning my house. Would you please come over and help me? I’ve got root beer and vanilla ice cream,
so I could pay you with a root beer float afterwards.”
“I know that I’ve been a mess lately, and that I’ve been forgetting to shower. I’m sure you don’t want a smelly roommate. Would you give me a push if I’m turning stinky?”
“This breakup really has me devastated, and I’m struggling to stay on top of chores. Would you be willing to be my laundry buddy, and do laundry with me?”
“Dad, I’ve been too tired to cook for myself lately. Is there any chance I could come over for a healthy dinner sometime?” Or even if it’s your mum.

Method 4: Avoiding Isolation

1. Reach out to your loved ones.

Spend lots of time with your friends and family during this time. They will be your support system as you deal with the aftermath of the break-up.
Did you see some of these people much during the relationship? If the relationship was intense and long-term, chances are you haven’t seen some of your friends or
maybe even family for months. Take time to spend quality time with them and do something fun.
Tell your loved ones what you’re going through. It’s okay to say “I had a rough breakup and I could possibly really use a friend right now.”

2 .Make socializing part of your daily schedule, if possible.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-isolation during a depressive episode.
It’s crucial that you keep reaching out to people, so that you don’t start spending days or weeks on your own.
Try to spend at least half an hour every day on quality time with your loved ones. But as I said before that it’s okay to be lonely for a particular
time period for some of us depending on the given situation.

3. Say your feelings out loud.

Being honest about your feelings helps people know how to respond to you. Don’t rely on subtext or hints to let people know how you feel.
Say what emotion you’re feeling, and go from there. Examples:
“I’m feeling tired today.”
“Right now, I just want to do something easy, like watching a movie together.”
“I’m exhausted. Could we talk in the morning?”
“I’m feeling better today. I think it would be fun to go out. Are you in the mood for that?”
“I feel kinda nervous and shaky.”
“I don’t have the energy to go out. Does staying in and hanging out sound OK to you?”

4. Tell people how they can help you, especially if they are confused about what you’re feeling.

Most people want to help you, but they may not necessarily know how. And, there is a right way and wrong way in helping others of whatever it may be.
I’ve done a video on how tos of handling people with depression and the like which I will in the playlist above me and below me so that you can find it of what not to do and say
to people that are depressed, etc etc.
They may misjudge what it is that you need.
The best thing you can do is tell them how to help you.
Here are some examples to share with them:
“I could really use a distraction today. Wanna go do something fun?”
“I just need someone to listen and be there for me right now.”
“I’m not ready to meet cute guys or girls yet. I’m still not over him or her, and I need time to process.
I’ll let you know when I want you to point out some hotties for me.”
“I need a hug right now.”
“I’m tempted to text her. Can you hang out with me, and help me not do this?”
“I’m feeling lonely, and I could use some company. Anything from taking a walk or talking to watching TV together would be really nice.”

5. Find some trusted people to confide in.

Trust is really important when we do seek help either through friends or family or someone else that are willing to help us. Trust can be broken in an instant. Trust is one
important foundation in building up a relationship or a friendship however as we know. We need to know that we’re not alone when we do face our struggles and situations.
Facing difficult emotions is hard, and it’s even harder when you do it alone. Look for a good listener, and ask them if it’s a good time to talk about things.
Letting it all out can help a lot.

Remember The Ones That You’ve Got And Lost

*Key Note: As I write about this blog piece is about briefly my loss to some of my friends and loved ones to suicide and a gentle reminder to us all to try and be with the ones we love!

Everyday I think about my friends and family etc of how they are and what they’re doing. Today and everyday if I could tell the world anything today it’s please check up on your loved ones regardless of who they are or where they are in life, please just check in with them and listen to their body language and if signs are showing danger.

Taking the time out of my day to remember of my loved ones while being alone!

Depression, suicide and suicidal thoughts along with many other mental health disorders and other person reasons and or circumstances have claimed and have  taken  the life of my friends, family and colleagues and my biggest fear ever since has been losing another one I love to depression and other mental health issues, it’s such a terrifying and emotional thing to go through. I am no expert or professional on mental health. No far from it as I’m someone’s friend, sister, cousin and more but I am here for anyone who wants/needs to talk. You are not alone.

We need to start to end the stigma to all things mental health as well as any other conditions that we may have. We need to try and be there for the ones that deserves to be in our life.

Remember if someone says they are fine it doesn’t always mean they are, so dig a little bit deeper and if they are comfortable enough allow your loved one or anyone that you’re close to, to open up to you about how they are feeling.

Sometimes, it is good to find the people we can trust and talk to about our problems. Trust is one thing we need to have before we start to open up. Sometimes, many of us will definitely have our walls up for a reason and if we can give people a chance to let them in to talk then we should know that they’re there to help and not to judge us! We need people to uplift us not tear us down or even judge us when we’ve had some bad days etc.

Help is always available and suicide is never the answer. Asking for help is a sign of strength and knowing and acknowledging that there’s a problem and to accept it and doing something about it. Never leave it too late or to chance.

Suicide and other mental health problems have destroyed my life along with me being a survivor of my attempts. The very second my close friends, family, friends etc took their last breath as they completed their  attempt. Not a day goes by I do wish for someone who could of been there to save them if it wasn’t me. I wish they knew I loved and cared for them even if I wasn’t around for them much or even not seeing the warning signs earlier. I live with the regrets of not checking in with them enough, for not digging deeper when they said they were  fine. I would do anything to have some of them  back right now to talk to them, laugh with them, create memories with them, even if it’s just for a day. Our last conversation we ever had they told me they were fine and the next month or day or two, they took their own life.

Tomorrow is never promised and this world is so damn cruel, so if you do anything today please just text or call someone you love and check in with them or simply just tell them you love them or were thinking of them. Hug and hold your loved ones in your arms for as long as you can and in that moment remember how it feels, because I can’t remember what it felt like to be held in his arms anymore, after a suicide loss alot of important things start to fade away after a while. I don’t remember the beautiful sound of their voice or laughter anymore, I don’t remember what they smelt like. Don’t wait for tomorrow to come do everything you want to do today, make time and put in the effort to see that person, make sure they feel loved wanted and needed but most of all damn appreciated. The last time I saw my friends when we tried to arrange a special day for them  to hang out very soon at their favorite place to go to of the beach, but that day never came. Record your loved one, take their picture even when they least expect it, record their voice, get them to write you something, anything and just keep that piece of paper with their handwriting on it. Take as many pictures together as you possibly can. Go on more dates, book a holiday, do whatever you can to make them feel included and wanted. Everything you do or ever say to them is important regardless of how big or small they might be, you should all treasure every moment and if one day they are gone then you will at least have their picture, a voice recording, their handwriting, something personal they gave to you once upon a time. Treasure it all with your life. I had so many things from our relationship when we were kids but when we broke up or decided not to be friends with me anymore for whatever reason and took their life, I got rid of everything as I tried to heal but now looking back as an adult I wish more than anything I had something to remember them, aside from the memories in my brain. To all my friends and family who may or not be reading this right now, I want you to know I love you and I’m sorry I don’t say it enough but I should. I’m always here for you all and I’m thankful for you all. ❤️

Dealing with Loneliness [How To] (Comprehension Guide)

It’s a given that sometime in our lives that we’ll face loneliness. Yet, the question is can loneliness be a good thing. Loneliness does has it’s pros and cons along with its benefits and disadvantages. We need to be aware of our feelings and emotions and everything around us to what’s going on. We need to sometimes feel in our inner self.

People will feel lonely for quite a number of reasons, which may be including simple social awkwardness and intentional isolation. Some people may even feel lonely when they are surrounded by people because they lack meaningful connections with those people. Everyone experiences loneliness sometimes, but it is never pleasant. Dealing with loneliness can take many forms, including meeting new people, learning to appreciate your alone time, and reconnecting with your family. Here are some methods while you’re reading this article/blog into how to overcome and deal with loneliness.

Method 1: Understanding Your Feelings of Loneliness

  1. Identify the reasons why you feel lonely.

    In order to make changes that will truly help you, you will need to take some time to figure out why you are feeling lonely. For example, say you assume that you are lonely because you don’t have enough friends and you go out and make more friends. You may still feel lonely after making new friends if your loneliness is the result of having too many friends and a lack of meaningful connections. Consider some of the following questions to help you determine why you are feeling lonely:

When do you feel the most lonely?

Do certain people make you feel more lonely when you are around them?

How long have you been feeling this way?

What does feeling lonely make you want to do?

2. Start a journal to track your thoughts and feelings. 

Journaling can help you to understand your feelings of loneliness better and it is also a great way to relieve stress. Journaling can also when you write down your thoughts and feelings can be a good way to at least see how you’ve progressed in your everyday life situations that you face on the daily. To get started with journaling, choose a comfortable place and plan to devote about 20 minutes per day to writing. You can start by writing about how you are feeling or what you are thinking, or you can use a prompt. Some prompts you might use include:

“I feel lonely when…”

“I feel lonely because…”

When did you first start feeling lonely? How long have you felt this way?

3. Practice meditation. 

Some research has suggested that meditation may ease feelings associated with loneliness and depression. Meditation has so many benefits to help us mentally and physically. Meditation is also a great way to get more in touch with your feelings of loneliness and start to understand where they come from.

Meditation is a habitual process of training your mind to focus and redirect your thoughts.

You can use it to increase awareness of yourself and your surroundings. Many people think of it as a way to reduce stress and develop concentration.People also use the practice to develop other beneficial habits and feelings, such as a positive mood and outlook, self-discipline, healthy sleep patterns and even increased pain tolerance.

Learning to meditate takes time, practice, and guidance, so your best bet is to find a meditation class in your area. If no classes are available in your area, you can also buy CDs that will help you learn how to meditate. You can also use some apps that are readily available from your phone or tablet.

To get started with meditation, find a quiet spot and get comfortable. You can either sit in a chair or on a cushion on the floor with your legs crossed. Close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing. As you focus on your breathing, try not to get distracted by your thoughts. Just let them happen and pass by.

Without opening your eyes, observe the world around you. Pay attention to how you feel as well. What do you hear? What do you smell? How do you feel? Physically? Emotionally?

Benefits of Mediation (Science-based)

There are so many benefits for meditation and I’ll only be sharing at least 12 of the benefits and they’re as follows:

1. Reduces Stress.

2. Controls anxiety.

3. Promotes emotional health.

4. Enhances self-awareness.

5. Lengthens attention span.

6. May reduce age-related memory loss.

7. Can generate kindness.

8. May help fight any addictions.

9. Improves sleep.

10. Helps control pain.

11. Can decrease blood pressure.

12. Meditation can be done anywhere.

4. Consider talking to a therapist about how you have been feeling. 

It may be hard to figure out why you feel lonely and how to move past those feelings. A licensed mental health professional can help you to understand and work through your loneliness. Never be afraid to ask for help when you’re dealing with anything on your own. Some of the trained professionals can help you get back on track to full recovery. Meanwhile, feeling lonely may indicate that you are depressed or that you have another underlying mental health condition. Talking to a therapist can help you understand what is going on and decide on the best course of action. If you want to explore why you’re lonely, finding a qualified mental health professional is an excellent option. You can try joining a club, putting yourself out there to meet new people, and making a list of people in your life and reaching out to them, but if those don’t work and you feel like you’re stuck, a therapist can help you work through your thoughts and feelings.

Method 2: Comforting Yourself

  1. Realize that you aren’t alone. 

Loneliness is a normal part of being human, but it can make you feel like you are abnormal. Remember sometimes feeling is just some feeling and emotion that we have felt once in a while. It’s okay to be alone for a time if need be. Key thing to remember is to reach out to a friend or family member and talk with that person about how you are feeling. As you tell someone about your feelings, you can also ask if they have had these feelings too. This process of reaching out and sharing with someone will help you to see that you are not alone.

Try saying something like, “Lately I have been feeling lonely and I wondered if you have ever felt this way.”

If you do not have a friend or family member to talk to, reach out to a teacher, counselor, or pastor.

2. Move forward.

 Instead of persistently dwelling on how alone you feel, do things to get your mind off of your loneliness. Take a walk, ride your bike or read a book. Explore activities and hobbies, and don’t be afraid to try new things. Having experience gives you a basis upon which you can comment in more social situations (thus talk to more people) and strike up conversations that will interest other people.

Keep yourself busy. Having down time is what causes feelings of loneliness to creep in. Throw yourself into work or extracurricular activities.

3. Do social activities by yourself. 


If you don’t have someone to go out with all of the time, don’t let that stop you from getting out and enjoying yourself. For example, if you want to go out to dinner or to a movie on a date, then take yourself out to a movie or to a nice restaurant. Although, at first, it may seem awkward to be doing things by yourself that you might normally do with someone else, don’t hold yourself back. It is not strange to be by yourself and out doing things! Once you remember why you did these things before, you can enjoy the activity for itself again.

Take a book, magazine, or journal with you if you go out to eat or have coffee on your own, so you’ll be occupied when you would usually be conversing. Bear in mind that people do go out on their own on purpose just to have “me” time by themselves; it is not as if people will look at you sitting alone and assume you have no friends.

It may take some time to get used to the feeling of being out by yourself. Don’t give up if your first few attempts are a little awkward.

4 Consider getting a pet.



 If you’re truly struggling without companionship, consider adopting a dog or cat from your local animal shelter. Pets have been domestic companions for centuries for a reason, and winning the trust and affection of an animal can be a deeply rewarding experience

Be a responsible pet owner. Make sure your pet is spayed or neutered, and only commit to bringing a pet into your life if you’re prepared to handle the daily tasks of caring for it.

Method 3: Getting Social Again

  1. Get involved in activities.

 To make new friends, you will have to get out and get involved in things. Consider joining a sports league, taking a class, or volunteering within your community. If you are very shy, find a group for social anxiety, even if it has to be online. Look on places like Craigslist, Meetup, or local news websites for activities in your area.

Don’t attend functions with the sole idea of making friends or meeting people. Try to go with no expectations whatsoever and to enjoy yourself regardless of what happens. Look for activities that interest you and that also involve groups of people like book clubs, church groups, political campaigns, concerts and art exhibitions.

2. Challenge yourself to take the initiative in social relationships. 


Making new friends often requires you to take the first step and invite others out to do things. Don’t wait for people to approach you: you should approach them. Ask the person if they want to chat or get a coffee. You must always show interest in other people before they will show interest in you.

Be yourself as you try to make new friends. Don’t try to impress a new person by misrepresenting yourself. That may lead to the end of the new friendship before it even gets started.

Be a good listener. Pay close attention when people are talking. It is important to be able to respond to what the person has just said to demonstrate that you were listening or they may feel like you do not care.

3. Spend time with your family.

 Working to deepen the relationships with your family may also help you to stop feeling so lonely. Even if you don’t have a great history with a family member, you can still try to repair relationships by starting with an invitation. For example, you could ask a family member that you haven’t seen in a while to go out to lunch or meet you for coffee.

When trying to rebuild or deepen your relationships with family members, you can use some of the same strategies you would use to gain new friends. Take the initiative to ask the person out, be yourself, and be a good listener.

3. Be a pleasant presence. 

Draw people toward yourself by providing enjoyable company. Be complimentary rather than critical. For a casual comment, don’t nitpick other people’s clothes, habits or hair. They don’t need to be reminded they have a small stain on their shirt when they can’t do anything about it. They do need to hear that you think their sweater is cool or you like their personality. Don’t make a big deal of it, but just casually mention it when you like something. This is one of the best ice-breakers around and it builds trust steadily over time as people come to understand that you won’t criticize them.

4. Join an online community. 

Sometimes connecting with people online can be easier than connecting with them in person, but keep in mind that online interaction is not an equal substitution for face-to-face connections. However, sometime online communities can be valuable ways for you to share your thoughts and experiences, or ask questions to those who are going through similar situations. Online forums often allow you to help others while being helped yourself.

Remember to be safe when online. Not everyone is who they say they are and predators feed off loneliness.

METHOD 4: Enjoying Your Solitude

  1. Differentiate between loneliness and solitude. 

    Loneliness is when you are unhappy to be alone. Solitude is when you are happy to be alone. There is nothing wrong with solitude, wanting to, or enjoying being alone. Alone time can be useful and enjoyable.

2. Work on improving yourself and making yourself happy. 

Usually, when we’re devoting most of our time to other people, we tend to neglect ourselves. If you’re going through a period of loneliness, take advantage of it by doing the things that you want to do for yourself. This is a wonderful opportunity and you deserve to be happy!

3. Consider joining a gym. 

Working out and taking care of our bodies is usually the first thing that gets tossed aside when we get busy. If you’re spending less time with other people than normal, try using that time to exercise. If you exercise at a gym, you might even meet some new friends or a new special someone!

4. Learn a new skill.


 Taking time to indulge in a new hobby can help you to overcome feelings of loneliness, even if you are doing the hobby by yourself. You could learn to play an instrument, learn to draw, or learn to dance. Going and learning these subjects with others may help you meet new people but it will also give you a creative outlet for your feelings. Turn your loneliness into something beautiful!

Cook yourself a nice meal or make baked goods for friends or neighbors. Cooking up a meal is rewarding, you can channel your focus into something nourishing.

Consider joining a club to meet other people who enjoy this hobby as well.

5. Do something big. 

People oftentimes have something really big that they want to do and a thousand excuses not to do it. Have you ever wanted to write a book? Make a movie? Use your loneliness as an excuse to do something great. Who knows, maybe it will turn into something that helps others deal with their loneliness…

To end this: We are all in control of our lives and that we are in control of our thoughts, feelings, emotions as well as our actions. What we do with our lives, starts and ends with us. We are the writers and painters of our stories. Loneliness does take time to overcome but using the right methods and techniques we can sure better ourselves if we choose to.