Remember The Ones That You’ve Got And Lost

*Key Note: As I write about this blog piece is about briefly my loss to some of my friends and loved ones to suicide and a gentle reminder to us all to try and be with the ones we love!

Everyday I think about my friends and family etc of how they are and what they’re doing. Today and everyday if I could tell the world anything today it’s please check up on your loved ones regardless of who they are or where they are in life, please just check in with them and listen to their body language and if signs are showing danger.

Taking the time out of my day to remember of my loved ones while being alone!

Depression, suicide and suicidal thoughts along with many other mental health disorders and other person reasons and or circumstances have claimed and have  taken  the life of my friends, family and colleagues and my biggest fear ever since has been losing another one I love to depression and other mental health issues, it’s such a terrifying and emotional thing to go through. I am no expert or professional on mental health. No far from it as I’m someone’s friend, sister, cousin and more but I am here for anyone who wants/needs to talk. You are not alone.

We need to start to end the stigma to all things mental health as well as any other conditions that we may have. We need to try and be there for the ones that deserves to be in our life.

Remember if someone says they are fine it doesn’t always mean they are, so dig a little bit deeper and if they are comfortable enough allow your loved one or anyone that you’re close to, to open up to you about how they are feeling.

Sometimes, it is good to find the people we can trust and talk to about our problems. Trust is one thing we need to have before we start to open up. Sometimes, many of us will definitely have our walls up for a reason and if we can give people a chance to let them in to talk then we should know that they’re there to help and not to judge us! We need people to uplift us not tear us down or even judge us when we’ve had some bad days etc.

Help is always available and suicide is never the answer. Asking for help is a sign of strength and knowing and acknowledging that there’s a problem and to accept it and doing something about it. Never leave it too late or to chance.

Suicide and other mental health problems have destroyed my life along with me being a survivor of my attempts. The very second my close friends, family, friends etc took their last breath as they completed their  attempt. Not a day goes by I do wish for someone who could of been there to save them if it wasn’t me. I wish they knew I loved and cared for them even if I wasn’t around for them much or even not seeing the warning signs earlier. I live with the regrets of not checking in with them enough, for not digging deeper when they said they were  fine. I would do anything to have some of them  back right now to talk to them, laugh with them, create memories with them, even if it’s just for a day. Our last conversation we ever had they told me they were fine and the next month or day or two, they took their own life.

Tomorrow is never promised and this world is so damn cruel, so if you do anything today please just text or call someone you love and check in with them or simply just tell them you love them or were thinking of them. Hug and hold your loved ones in your arms for as long as you can and in that moment remember how it feels, because I can’t remember what it felt like to be held in his arms anymore, after a suicide loss alot of important things start to fade away after a while. I don’t remember the beautiful sound of their voice or laughter anymore, I don’t remember what they smelt like. Don’t wait for tomorrow to come do everything you want to do today, make time and put in the effort to see that person, make sure they feel loved wanted and needed but most of all damn appreciated. The last time I saw my friends when we tried to arrange a special day for them  to hang out very soon at their favorite place to go to of the beach, but that day never came. Record your loved one, take their picture even when they least expect it, record their voice, get them to write you something, anything and just keep that piece of paper with their handwriting on it. Take as many pictures together as you possibly can. Go on more dates, book a holiday, do whatever you can to make them feel included and wanted. Everything you do or ever say to them is important regardless of how big or small they might be, you should all treasure every moment and if one day they are gone then you will at least have their picture, a voice recording, their handwriting, something personal they gave to you once upon a time. Treasure it all with your life. I had so many things from our relationship when we were kids but when we broke up or decided not to be friends with me anymore for whatever reason and took their life, I got rid of everything as I tried to heal but now looking back as an adult I wish more than anything I had something to remember them, aside from the memories in my brain. To all my friends and family who may or not be reading this right now, I want you to know I love you and I’m sorry I don’t say it enough but I should. I’m always here for you all and I’m thankful for you all. ❤️