Break-ups can be devastating. Break-ups can also cause so many mixed feelings and emotions as well as for many of us some or so many unanswered questions
to why we break-up in the first place.
We shouldn’t have to always always dwell on it as sometimes yes break-ups for many of us will take time to get over that particular someone. It’s a rough transition from sharing every part of your life with someone that you loved and cared about, to picking up the phone and suddenly remembering that it’s a bad idea to call them.
In some cases, people can slip into depression: a mood disorder that can feel so heavy and difficult that no one else can possibly understand what you are going through.
Caring for yourself, and deciding how to move forward, can be a serious challenge for many of us.
Here with this video comprehension guide today, I will be giving you four methods on how to deal with depression after a break-up. They are as follows: Method 1: Handling Depression, Method 2: Handling your feelings, Method 3: Caring for yourself and Method 4: Avoiding Isolation.
So, as I said before basically break ups can be really hard for many of us. It can be devastating for many of us. We tend to question to ourselves over and over again as I said why is this happening? Could I have done better? Was I the problem etc etc. Right? But in saying this though, we need to know that we’re not at fault sometimes as break ups happen in our lives regardless how old we are or even young we are if we’re trialling out the dating life. So, here is the methods now that I am going to share
with you all. So, the very first one of method 1 as I’ve mentioned is
Method 1 : Handling Your Depression
- Know the difference between sadness and depression.
Sadness and depression are two different emotions with different symptoms. It’s okay to not be okay once in a while.
We all will go through a break-up sometime in our lives as I said. After a breakup, it’s normal to cry, lose sleep, get angry, and temporarily lose interest in regular activities. This is part of the healing process for us. But you might have a more serious problem if you’re experiencing things like:
*Serious changes in eating or sleeping habits
*Often feeling worthless, empty, or hopeless
*Unbearable, relentless emotional pain
*Difficulty focusing or making the right decisions
*Failure to clean your living space and manage basic hygiene
(Thinking about death, or even hurting yourself)
- Log your symptoms or journalling your symptoms.
As I shared before that it is always a good idea to write down our feelings, emotions, symptoms so that we can keep ourselves on track. So, basically I said about this in one of the videos that I shared earlier in the piece about handling your loneliness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPx-BEzDJzg.
When we do see something out of the ordinary of our everyday lives, we should be able to seek help no matter who it is from. Be it from our medical expert team.Be it through our friends or family or whoever.
It’s okay to ask for help as that is the first step for our recovery process for any recovery process. Be it our break up. Be it addictions. Whatever it may be. And this is the first step also in recognising that something is wrong with us or just something wrong in general.
If you suspect that you may have depression however, or that something else might be wrong, then try as I said keeping a journal to note down what it is that you’re going through.
If in doubt, write it on paper, or on your computer wherever it may be, for you to keep track of what you’re going through. It can be helpful to review later, and you can bring it to the doctor if you decide to get an evaluation as well as just some help.
My advice here is: Try writing down basic feelings, like “I felt hopeless all morning” or “I tried to have fun but was mostly listless and tired.” You don’t have to be very detailed if it’s too upsetting though, just to bear in mind also.
Try writing down what you did in that time period, like “I watched movies all evening and cried a lot” or “I stayed in bed for 3 hours in the morning because I had no
energy left in me.”
3 . Know the time frame and urgency level that typically constitutes a problem.
Experts usually recommend waiting around 2 weeks to a month to see if things get better for us.
You also have a problem if your sadness is preventing you from doing basic living tasks that you take for granted (like working or caring for your kids). You should see a doctor if:
You haven’t improved at all within 2-3 weeks period.
You can’t work or take care of yourself or your family. You think that you might hurt yourself.
4. Talk to a doctor about treatment options.
Your doctor may recommend therapy and/or medication to correct chemical imbalances in the brain.
The brain can get sick just like other body parts can. There’s nothing “wrong” with you to remind yourself if you have depression, or if you take medication to help fix it.
Not just fix it but to keep it in balance realm and don’t basically be afraid to take it.
Do try and trust the medical team either via through your consellor and or doctors etc as they’re there to help as no shame again to ask for help.
- Contact a crisis line if you’re in immediate danger.
If you think that you might be in danger or about to harm yourself, don’t just sit there. Grab your phone, and find a line to text or call them.
If you feel more comfortable in talking to a trained counselor or texting a crisis text line wherever you will be.
WHERE TO GET HELP: If you are worried about you or someone else’s mental health, the best place to get help is your GP or local mental health provider here in NZ.
However, if you or someone else is in danger or endangering others, call police immediately on 111.
Or if you need to talk to someone else here are some NZ organizations that may help:
• SUICIDE CRISIS HELPLINE: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
• YOUTHLINE: 0800 376 633
• NEED TO TALK? Free call or text 1737 (available 24/7)
• KIDSLINE: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
• WHATSUP: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm)
• DEPRESSION HELPLINE: 0800 111 757
Otherwise, if you live in a different country there are some International Organisations/Services that can help:
IF YOU LIVE IN ENGLAND: NHS 111: Telephone 111 (open 24 hours)
Samaritans: Telephone 116123 (open 24 hours)
IF YOU LIVE IN WALES: NHS Direct Wales: Telephone 0845 46 47 (open 24 hours)
Samaritans Wales: Telephone 116 123 (0808 164 0123 Cymraeg) (open 24 hours)
IF YOU LIVE IN SCOTLAND: NHS 24: Telephone 111 (open 24 hours)
Breathing Space: Telephone 0800 83 85 87
If you live in Northern Ireland: Samaritans: Telephone 116 123 (open 24 hours)
Lifeline: 0808 808 8000 (open 24 hours)
MENTAL HEALTH AMERICA SERVICES
Do you need to talk to someone? If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call 911, go to the nearest emergency room, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
to reach a 24-hour crisis center, or text MHA to 741741 at the Crisis Text Line.
You can also call 1-800-985-5990 or text “TalkWithUs” to 66746 at the SAMHSA Disaster Distress Helpline.
Trained crisis workers will listen to you and direct you to the resources you need.
MENTAL HEALTH AUSTRALIAN SERVICES
beyondblue aims to increase awareness of depression and anxiety and reduce stigma. Call 1300 22 4636, 24 hours / 7 days a week.
Blueheadspace provides mental health and wellbeing support, information and services to young people aged 12 to 25 years and their families. Call 1800 650 890.
Kids Helpline is Australia’s only free 24/7 confidential and private counseling service specifically for children and young people aged 5 to 25. Call 1800 55 1800.
Lifeline provides 24-hour crisis counseling, support groups, and suicide prevention services. Call 13 11 14.
The MindSpot Clinic is a free telephone and online service for people with stress, worry, anxiety, low mood or depression.
They provide online assessment and treatment for anxiety and depression. The MindSpot Clinic does not provide an emergency or instant response service.
Call 1800 61 44 34 AEST, 8am-8pm (Mon-Fri), 8am-6pm (Sat).
SANE Australia provides support, training, and education enabling those with a mental illness to lead a better life.
Call 1800 18 7263, 9am-5pm AEST (Mon-Fri).
Suicide Call Back Service provides 24/7 support if you or someone you know is feeling suicidal.
Call 1300 659 467.
Veterans and Veterans Families Counselling Service (VVCS) provides 24/7 free and confidential,
nationwide counseling and support for war and service-related mental health conditions, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD),
anxiety, depression, sleep disturbance, and anger. Call 1800 011 046.
Method 2: Handling Your Feelings
- Recognize that processing your feelings will take time.
Especially if the relationship has been long-term, this will be a difficult and probably a
long process for you. Expect that, and give yourself as much time as you need to get over the breakup.
Some people believe that the recovery from a breakup takes about half the time that the relationship lasted. For example, if your relationship lasted 6 months,
then you may need 3 months to fully recover. Keep in mind that everyone is different in this process, so you may take a little longer or shorter than this.
Because this is just a given guideline.
2. Give yourself space and time to feel your difficult feelings.
It’s normal for people to feel anger, frustration, sadness, fear, and all kinds of emotions after a bad breakup. Some of them may not be related to your ex at all. That’s okay. Let yourself cry and be upset. It’s okay to mourn the lost relationship.
Try labeling your feelings if they’re overwhelming you. Are you feeling insecure? Worried about the future? Are you lost? etc etc.
- Put away any reminders of your old relationship.
Take everything that reminds you of your ex (pictures, letters, keepsakes etc etc) and put it all in a box.
Then put the box out of sight and out of mind, like say in a closet corner or under your bed. Leave it there. You can sort it all out later, after you’ve gotten over the breakup.
Don’t throw it all away. You may regret that later.
If you think you might be tempted to revisit the box too soon, try putting a notice on it, like “do not open until a certain month like April or whatever.”
4 . Find a good outlet.
Coping with strong emotions can be hard. It helps to find a good way to let them out. Experiment with different ways to express yourself, as long as they’re healthy and safe. Here are some ideas I suggest to you all:
- Express yourself using the arts: painting, making music, drawing, writing, etc.
- Imagine yourself dramatically telling your story on a talk show
- Write in a journal
- Rip or cut up paper from the recycling bin
- Scream into a pillow and hit the bed
- Smash ice cubes in the bath tub.
Do whatever you can and want to get it out of your system after your break-up of your emotions but yet again as I say this- do it safely.
- Engage in your hobbies, and try exploring new ones too.
It helps to find new ways to be productive and creative. Also in saying this like that it’s okay to do similar hobbies that you’ve done in the past as well as maybe as I said before exploring some new ones if we haven’t done them of what we wanted to do when we were younger, but you couldn’t. Try doing it now! It’s never too late!
6. Ask yourself what you need right now.If you notice yourself having a rough time, stop. Ask yourself “What would help me feel better at this given moment?”
Think about what you could do right now that would make this difficult situation a little easier. Perhaps things could be improved a bit by something like…
- Calling a friend
- Taking a warm shower
- Playing with your pet
- Drinking hot chocolate
- Getting a hug from someone else
- Doing something else that feels right at the moment
7. Work towards moving on.
Remember you can’t dwell on what happened in the past of your ex and that you need to be determined to move on and focus on you and yourself because it is always
important to put us first in the bigger picture possible because basically it’s important in this point of time of a break up obviously it’s healthy of us to just sit down, re-evaluate things and actually focus on ourselves on our mental health, spiritual health and whatever else it may be. It’s also important in this process also so that you’re ready to conquer anything that may arise now and in the future also.
Eventually, you’ll need to accept that the relationship ended, and be able to plan for a future that doesn’t include your ex.
This is your goal. Keep it in the back of your mind. You don’t have to be there yet, and it may take a while. It’s helpful to remember which way you want to be heading.
- Remember that recovery isn’t linear.
Setbacks does happen, however but that doesn’t make them permanent. You may get better a while, and then suddenly feel a little worse.
That doesn’t mean that you won’t recover. You may bounce back from the setback in a day or week or two or more depending on how strung out you are.
Method 3: Caring for Yourself
1.Try to keep a regular schedule as best as you can.
It’s going to be hard at first as we know as we go through a break up, but you may have to force yourself to eat regular meals and sleep regularly. This too will take time, so be patient with yourself.
You may need to function at a sub-optimal level for some time. This is okay also.
- Find sneaky ways to be a little healthier.
When you have depression, it can be hard to put effort into your health. Something is better than nothing. Find little ways you can look after yourself, and then be proud of yourself.
If food prep is hard, try eating a healthy no-prep snack, like an apple or string cheese. You can even keep a non-perishable snack (like a jar of nuts) at your desk.
Do mini exercises, like leg lifts while watching TV, or lifting a five-pound weight while lying in bed.
3 Work on basic hygiene.
Depression can make ordinary tasks (like brushing your teeth or showering) monumentally difficult. They are, however, very important for your health.
Neglecting them for too long can make you sick, or cause health problems later on.
Try to brush your teeth at least once a day. Even a cursory brush, without toothpaste, is better than nothing. You can also scrape your teeth with a washcloth to help
Try to shower at least once a day or once every other day. Use baby wipes to wipe areas that tend to get sweaty, like your armpits and the zone under your bra. Apply deodorant.
If you’re too tired to get dressed, at least change your pajamas and your underwear every day. You can also put on an old t-shirt and sweatpants if you’re feeling well enough.
4. Stay away from unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Sometimes, when people are suffering from depression, they are tempted to abuse alcohol, use drugs, or binge eat and the latter.
This can harm your body, and make you feel even worse.
Look for other options if you can do so. Also, make sure that you’re not in the wrong company.
5. Don’t be afraid to ask people to help you with self care and other basic tasks.
Depression can make it hard to initiate tasks, and stay focused on them. Sometimes, having another person there with you can help a lot.
You can ask for help with some hygiene and cleaning tasks that you’re struggling to manage. Here are some examples of things you could say:
“I’m exhausted, and having a hard time cleaning my house. Would you please come over and help me? I’ve got root beer and vanilla ice cream,
so I could pay you with a root beer float afterwards.”
“I know that I’ve been a mess lately, and that I’ve been forgetting to shower. I’m sure you don’t want a smelly roommate. Would you give me a push if I’m turning stinky?”
“This breakup really has me devastated, and I’m struggling to stay on top of chores. Would you be willing to be my laundry buddy, and do laundry with me?”
“Dad, I’ve been too tired to cook for myself lately. Is there any chance I could come over for a healthy dinner sometime?” Or even if it’s your mum.
Method 4: Avoiding Isolation
1. Reach out to your loved ones.
Spend lots of time with your friends and family during this time. They will be your support system as you deal with the aftermath of the break-up.
Did you see some of these people much during the relationship? If the relationship was intense and long-term, chances are you haven’t seen some of your friends or
maybe even family for months. Take time to spend quality time with them and do something fun.
Tell your loved ones what you’re going through. It’s okay to say “I had a rough breakup and I could possibly really use a friend right now.”
2 .Make socializing part of your daily schedule, if possible.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-isolation during a depressive episode.
It’s crucial that you keep reaching out to people, so that you don’t start spending days or weeks on your own.
Try to spend at least half an hour every day on quality time with your loved ones. But as I said before that it’s okay to be lonely for a particular
time period for some of us depending on the given situation.
3. Say your feelings out loud.
Being honest about your feelings helps people know how to respond to you. Don’t rely on subtext or hints to let people know how you feel.
Say what emotion you’re feeling, and go from there. Examples:
“I’m feeling tired today.”
“Right now, I just want to do something easy, like watching a movie together.”
“I’m exhausted. Could we talk in the morning?”
“I’m feeling better today. I think it would be fun to go out. Are you in the mood for that?”
“I feel kinda nervous and shaky.”
“I don’t have the energy to go out. Does staying in and hanging out sound OK to you?”
4. Tell people how they can help you, especially if they are confused about what you’re feeling.
Most people want to help you, but they may not necessarily know how. And, there is a right way and wrong way in helping others of whatever it may be.
I’ve done a video on how tos of handling people with depression and the like which I will in the playlist above me and below me so that you can find it of what not to do and say
to people that are depressed, etc etc.
They may misjudge what it is that you need.
The best thing you can do is tell them how to help you.
Here are some examples to share with them:
“I could really use a distraction today. Wanna go do something fun?”
“I just need someone to listen and be there for me right now.”
“I’m not ready to meet cute guys or girls yet. I’m still not over him or her, and I need time to process.
I’ll let you know when I want you to point out some hotties for me.”
“I need a hug right now.”
“I’m tempted to text her. Can you hang out with me, and help me not do this?”
“I’m feeling lonely, and I could use some company. Anything from taking a walk or talking to watching TV together would be really nice.”
5. Find some trusted people to confide in.
Trust is really important when we do seek help either through friends or family or someone else that are willing to help us. Trust can be broken in an instant. Trust is one
important foundation in building up a relationship or a friendship however as we know. We need to know that we’re not alone when we do face our struggles and situations.
Facing difficult emotions is hard, and it’s even harder when you do it alone. Look for a good listener, and ask them if it’s a good time to talk about things.
Letting it all out can help a lot.