15 Ways To Change Your Thoughts And To Transform Your Life.

We all now once in a while get trapped in our own thoughts no matter what it is that we are thinking that this can be a positive outcome for us or a negative one. What we do decide to do upon the thoughts is up to us as it can make us or break us!

Did you know that the everyday thoughts that we think about either positive or negative that you will repeat often, eventually, it will affect your behavior and actions,
and create changes in your life in accordance with these thoughts that you’ve been thinking?

We all must have probably had someone tell us sometime in our lives to “look on the bright side” or to “see the cup as half full.” Chances are good that the people who make these comments are positive thinkers. Researchers are finding more and more evidence pointing to the many benefits of optimism and positive thinking.

Such findings suggest that not only are positive thinkers healthier and less stressed, they also have greater overall well-being. According to positive psychology researcher Suzanne Segerstrom, “Setbacks are inherent to almost every worthwhile human activity, and a number of studies show that optimists are in general both psychologically and physiologically healthier.”

Positive thinking…it can sound so simple, but often, not easy and that most of the time in our busy lives that we seem not to act upon being positive especially with the terms of events that we tend to go all negative- again by choice of course of our own. Our life is made of habits and even Buddha once said: “We are what we think.” This is why, it’s very important to constantly chose positive way of thinking and make an optimistic attitude – your habit or second nature. 

Benefits of Positive Thinking

Even if positive thinking does not come naturally to you, there are plenty of great reasons to start cultivating affirmative thoughts and minimizing negative self-talk.

Positive thinking…it can sound simple, but often, not easy. Our life is made of habits and even Buddha once said: “We are what we think.” This is why, it’s very important to constantly chose positive way of thinking and make an optimistic attitude – your habit or second nature. Let me share with you 10 advantages of being a positive person:

1) Positive mind attracts positive events.

First of all, if we decide to become positive, we can make the so called “law of attraction” work for our favour. The main principle of the law of attraction is that “like attracts like”. If you will make positive thinking your habitual way of seeing life, imagine how many great things you can attract into your life!

2) Great and harmonious relationships.

When you chose positive attitude, you will start to notice a lot of positive qualities in people and ignore their defaults, and then, you will start to create more meaningful friendships and great relationships. This type of attitude will create a very good and positive atmosphere around you.

3) Better first impression.

If you make a positive thinking your priority, you will always make a great first impression. People, usually, are attracted to kind and friendly personalities and the good first impression can have a big impact on the development of your future relationships.

4) Vibrant health.

Positive thinking is very beneficial for your health. Even several scientific studies have shown that people with a good, positive “vibe” are less likely to suffer from depression and they get ill more rarely than the negative thinkers. In many cases, bad thoughts are the main cause of deceases, and even the word “decease” means that the person is not at ease…Just change your thoughts and you will change your life. That’s why, taking care of our thoughts – is taking care of our health!

5) Key of success.

Positive people are more likely to be successful than the negative ones. When you will implement positive thinking into your life, you will notice that success becomes easier and it’s not as tough and difficult, as many people think.

6) No more stress.

The main cause of stress is worry and negative thoughts. If we think about it further, we can understand that stress never solves problems, on the contrary, it can leave us helpless. Positive people overcome stress more easily. When you start to increase the quantity of good and positive thoughts, stress will gradually leave your life, until you won’t hear about it any more.

7) Positive thinking and optimistic attitude will turn all your problems into opportunities.

Negativity can blind people’s mind. If you turn your thoughts from the negative ones into positive, your eyes will be opened and you will see the bottle half full, instead of half empty. You will start to notice solutions and will understand that every problem is actually an opportunity to grow. All problems can be solved, and you, finally, will be able to see it.

8) You will notice the abundance of good things in your life.

Sometime people live their life without knowing how blessed they really are, they take things for granted and forget to be thankful. As I mentioned earlier, there are certain laws in life, one of them says: “like attracts like” and another is: “you will reap what you sow”. When people live their live complaining and mourning about their destiny, without appreciating the things that they already have, then, they risk to lose even this. Appreciation and gratitude, on the contrary, can bring more of good things to be thankful for into their life. So, let’s be thankful and let’s count our blessings.

9) Boost of motivation.

Positive attitude will boost your motivation and you will start to achieve your goals quicker and easier. To have strong motivation is the same as to have “wings”!

10) Beauty will shine from within.

Positive thinking will make you look more beautiful. It happens naturally: smiling, friendly and happy people are, somehow, extremely attractive. Your inner beauty will shine and will become visible on the outside, as well.

When faced with stressful situations, positive thinkers cope more effectively than pessimists. In one study, researchers found that when optimists encounter a disappointment (such as not getting a job or promotion) they are more likely to focus on things they can do to resolve the situation.

Stress Relief

Rather than dwelling on their frustrations or things that they cannot change, they will devise a plan of action and ask others for assistance and advice. However, Pessimists, on the other hand, simply assume that the situation is out of their control and there is nothing they can do to change it.

Increased Immunity

In many recent years it has been proven that many researchers have found that your mind can have a powerful effect on your body. Immunity is one area where your thoughts and attitudes can have a particularly powerful influence. In one study, researchers found that activation in brain areas associated with negative emotions led to a weaker immune response to a flu vaccine.

Researchers Segerstrom and Sephton found that people who were optimistic about a specific and important part of their lives, such as how well they were doing in school, exhibited a stronger immune response than those who had a more negative view of the situation.

Improved Wellness

Not only can positive thinking impact your ability to cope with stress and your immunity, it also has an impact on your overall well-being.

While researchers are not entirely clear on why positive thinking benefits health, some suggest that positive people might lead healthier lifestyles. By coping better with stress and avoiding unhealthy behaviors, they are able to improve their health and well-being.

Better Resilience

Resilience refers to our ability to cope with problems. Resilient people are able to face a crisis or trauma with strength and resolve. Rather than falling apart in the face of such stress, they have the ability to carry on and eventually overcome such adversity. It may come as no surprise to learn that positive thinking can play a major role in resilience. When dealing with a challenge, optimists typically look at what they can do to fix the problem. Instead of giving up hope, they marshal their resources and are willing to ask others for help.

By nurturing positive emotions, even in the face of terrible events, people can reap both short-term and long-term rewards, including managing stress levels, lessening depression, and building coping skills that will serve them well in the future. There are so many more benefits of being positive as I’ve just mentioned a few while I am writing this as well as for you readers to read.

If you keep thinking about problems and failure, you attract these things into your life.
That’s why we need to be sure what we think and act upon these thoughts will be ones that will bring us peace, joy and fulfillment.

However, on the other hand, if the feelings of anger, tension, irritation and worrying are your usual responses to any situation or changes in your life then you are undoubtedly suffering from the problem of negative thinking.  To lead a better life filled with tranquility, contentment and love we need to change our way of thinking.

The key to positive thinking is to discover our inner self to find out more about ourselves in who and what we are as a person as we all have a purpose in life. We all should be able to know and find that purpose of our life in time. We should try and make serenity, bliss and love a reality for ourselves in our lives so that we can live a longer and fruitful life.  Positive thinking sounds cliché, we have heard about it and read about it yet we still don’t practice it. We all have busy lives and it seems almost impossible to take out the time to work on changing our thinking, however getting this new way of thinking as a part of our lives won’t take more than 15 minutes every day, and once you learn how to get rid of negative thoughts and how to control your mind you’ll realize it is all worth the efforts.

In the long run you’ll become conscious about the fact that simply spending 15 minutes in positive thoughts and positive attitude can be the building blocks of a happy life!!! Start working on yourself, sit in silence and contemplate your thoughts……we all are moving too fast, we need to slow down and think about our situations and above all we need to learn how to stop thinking about something that is draining all our positive energy and how to get rid of negative thoughts. Start connecting with yourself and your healing will begin. This silent contemplation is nothing but a variation of meditation, meditation helps you in looking inside yourself look deeply in your thoughts.

how to get rid of negative thoughts and negative thinking

Hurt, pain, anger and rejection all are negative feelings generated by negatives thoughts we need to slow down and observe how we ourselves are creating the negative thoughts leading to these negative feelings. Positive thinking can be achieved through meditation, because meditation is all about self-introspection…..looking inside you if we don’t perform it then, every new situation every change in our lives will have only one response from our negative thinking it’ll be resistance. The cause of this resistance is fear, the fear of losing what we already have like people, power, relationships, prestige, personality and money all of these fears lead to the fear of changes and ultimately pave the way for negative thinking.

Two steps to stop Negative Thinking:

Step 1

The first step of stop this negative thinking pattern is to start BI, accept the changes in your life….. People, power, relationships, prestige, personality and money are like a flowing river , a flowing river changes every instant don’t try to build a dam because on the other side of your dam there would be lot of pressure trying to stop the river, nothing remains constant hence we need to accept the changes in our lives. However be careful – DON’T ACCEPT YOUR FEAR, ACCEPT THE SITUATION.

If you have ever seen a wrestling match you would have noticed that the opponents first bow down to each other then they embrace each other, this is the change philosophy whenever you’re faced with changes first you need to embrace it and that is how you catch the momentum of the new situation. If you resist, you don’t get to know the momentum of the situation.

Once you have accepted the situation you say THIS IS IT! But then again questions would come in your mind you would ask yourself – Now What? Other questions would also arise in your mind, questions like Why, Where, What, How. How do we respond to these questions without being affected by our negative thoughts?

Step 2

All we need to do is, instead of thinking about what is happening outside try and focus on yourself and ask yourself how do I respond to this situation. Don’t engage in the questions just work on your state of mind and ask yourself how you want to deal with your situation.

Don’t stop the river but don’t start flowing with it either if one person is angry and screaming you cannot allow yourself to flow with him, you have your own identity your own thoughts you don’t have to flow with the river, so don’t stop the river and don’t flow with it either rather stay put and look at the river flowing by……same way in any situation that triggers your negative thoughts remember you are different from the situation, don’t try to stop the situation because you cannot actually control the changes happening around you and also don’t let yourself get consumed in the situation and the hardships that it brings with itself.

Any negative situation is not you, you are the creator of your thoughts and you have the choice to create a positive one or a negative one, make a wise choice. Don’t give your automatic responses to a situation that would be like flowing with the river, don’t do it be still; stay put and focus on your reaction and your actions on this situation and then you’ll start observing the power of positive thinking.

Again, to note here is that there’s many more steps to ridding the negative thoughts as this is just a couple could think of while I was writing this piece for you all while reading this.

If you often think about happiness and success, eventually, this is what you will attract into your life.

There is no magic here, I can’t just wave a magic wand in front of you all and say to you all think positive thoughts but only natural laws at work. This is by all means all up to you all to decide what you want in life and what outcome will it bring in your life.
You need to know what these laws in physics are and how to use them effectivelyin your own life.
You also need to start using them, and continue until you get results.

“The predominant thought or the mental attitude is the magnet, and the law is that like attracts like.
Consequently, the mental attitude will invariably attract such conditions as to correspond to its nature.”
– Charles Haanel.

When you change your thoughts, you change your life accordingly. Again, this is a fact.

You can take advantage of this process, and use it to improve your life and make positive changes in your life. If you constantly think about obstacles and failure, you will not try hard, not take advantage of opportunities, and avoid taking action and starting new projects in the works of what you’ve got planned. Eventually, your external life would mirror your negative thoughts.

“A mental image gives you a framework upon which to work. It is like the drawing of the architect, or the map of the explorer. Think over this for a few moments
until you get the idea firmly fixed in your mind.”
– William Walker Atkinson

If you often think how difficult your life is, and avoid trying to change your thoughts, you close your eyes and heart to opportunities,
make no effort to change and improve, become unhappy, not at peace and perpetuate the same situation over and over again.

If you think often about success, and about living a better, happier and more successful life, you will be motivated to do something successful about your life.
You will become aware of opportunities, take advantage of them, and change your life.

People who constantly think how poor they are, how difficult are their lives, and how more difficult they are going to be, stay in the same situation,
and might even make it worse.

Successful people however on the other hand, they will see in their mind’s eye the life they want to live. They visualize their ambitions as accomplished,
and do not allow negative thoughts,
problems or obstacles to discourage them.

A thought, together with a strong desire and perseverance, turn dreams into reality.

“You are to become a creator, not a competitor; you are going to get what you want, but in such a way that when you get it every other man will have more
than he has now.”
– Wallace D. Wattles.

So, you maybe thinking how does positive thinking really work and what effects does it have on us.

1.Changing your thoughts will change your life.
2.Changing your thinking habits will change how you feel, how you act, and how you react.
3..Inner change will lead to outer change.

There is plenty of information on this topic of changing your thinking habits and transforming your life

The nature of our thoughts determines the quality of our life whether it is sad, happy and contented.
Happy, optimistic, positive thoughts, emotions, and feelings generate a zing in our system which makes the blood flow freely and heartbeat joyously. They create a spring in our feet and spur us to action. Let us remember the age-old saying that the mind- thoughts- can move the mountains.Or even the song by Miley
Cyrus, The Climb. Pessimistic, sad and gloomy thoughts, on the other hand, create inertia and force us to stay bed-bound.

Our actions are the practical manifestations of our thoughts.

It is quite clear, therefore, that we must bring about a change in the way of how and what we thinki in our lives in order to create happiness and a sense of fulfillment
in our lives.
A good thing about our brain is that it willingly adopts any changes that we bring about in our thinking patterns.

Here is a list of 15 ways you can change your thoughts and give a positive direction to your life.

  1. Change your thoughts by creating positive affirmations

Affirmations are not always positive. They can be negative as well. The hexes created by the witches are negative affirmations.
The truth is that most people are given to making negative affirmations. When you think repeatedly that you are not going to succeed in a particular project,
it is a negative affirmation. Affirmations, both negative and positive impact the neurological functioning of the brain. Positive affirmations are like mantras. They have a sacred and spiritual force about them. Let us be clear about creating positive affirmations.
They should not be normative or weak. I believe that we all should do positive affirmations early in the morning to build us up with confidence and peace.
I am a real strong believer in doing this as well as I’ve been doing this throughout my mornings despite the everyday struggles I face.

Thoughts such as I ‘should’, ‘ought to’ or’ abstain from’ are normative.
Examples of negative affirmations are: ‘I can’t’ do this. It is ‘quite difficult’. On the other hand affirmations should be forceful and determined such
as ‘I can’, ‘I will’, or ‘I am going to’. As mentioned above, your brain is always adapting to your thought patterns and directs your organs to act accordingly.
Insert positive thoughts and affirmations

  1. Learn to apply full stop

We keep mulling over our misfortunes, the perceived wrongs committed to us by those who we have loved and stood by so sincerely.
We never stop cursing ourselves for the mistakes that we think we have committed. What would have happened if I had done this or that? What would happen
if I do this or that in the future? This is not to suggest we should not learn from our past mistakes or plan our future intelligently. The only thing is we should stop thinking
over and over once we have learned from our past and decided about our future to move on and let go – let go of situations that we can’t control in our lives.

  1. Let go of the need to be masochistic

Definition of masochism:

  1. The deriving of sexual gratification from fantasies or acts that involve being made to suffer physical or mental pain. Also called sexual masochism.
  2. The deriving of pleasure from being humiliated or mistreated, either by another or by oneself.
  3. A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences.

Quite often we love to wallow in our misery. We enjoy creating self-punishing thoughts or being gloomy and pessimistic. Here is an example:

“If I start selling candles, the sun will stop setting, OR If I start selling shrouds, people will stop dying.”

I was born unlucky. Nothing good will ever occur to me.
Such thoughts not only cause a harmful impact on the mind, but they adversely affect your physical health as well.

  1. Change your thoughts by counting your joys and blessings.

Most people take their joys and blessings for granted and start grumbling about what they do not have; or, when they are faced with problems and troubles.
Just think of those who are less fortunate than you. Or, think of a situation that could have been worse than it is now. You are crying because have hurt your knee in an accident. What, if the leg itself had broken? See the filled half of the glass for satisfaction and the empty half with a resolve to fill it.
I believe strongly in this one as we should be blessed with what we have as sometimes there’s others that doesn’t have what we got and I believe sometimes with the everyday struggles that we go through teaches us a life lesson in general and that we sometimes need to not rush the process of what is needed to be done in our lives as some situations that we go through takes time and patience. We need to be in the moment and appreciate everything we have.

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” ~ Melody Beattie

  1. Appreciate and enjoy what you already have.

Question to you all that are watching this today: Why is it so hard to appreciate what we have? Why is it so difficult to be sated with everything in our lives in the here and now? We always seem to be chasing the next big thing.Be it if we want to be famous, we want to be popular, be it
we want to be beautiful, whatever it may be. We’re constantly lusting and yearning after the newest and best I’ve-just-gotta-have-it object, we move from one point to the next on this Hedonistic Treadmill that we call life, and we can’t seem to get off it.

The funny thing is that, for the most part at least, everything in our lives was once just a wish. We wanted that car we drive today so badly just a few years ago.
The house we live was once just a goal. The people or situations in our lives were once just a wish. So why is it that, today, we can’t appreciate all of those things?
How come we’re not satisfied with the status quo?

This conversation isn’t a new one. I don’t know about you, but I’ve certainly been unappreciative of the things I’ve had in my life.
Although I once lusted and yearned for those things, attaining them seemed to remove their luster and their shine. When I achieved my goals,
I wanted the next best thing. I was never really happy with the things that I had attained.

A great way to change your thoughts is to appreciate and enjoy what you already have. This is not to suggest that you should not aspire for a still better life.
Enjoy whatever amount of success you have achieved instead of feeling sad about what you have not been able to achieve. There is nothing wrong with always
fixing higher benchmarks or goals, but failure to reach them should not spoil your enjoyment of what you already have.

I’ll explain more into how we can appreciate what we have in next video but remember this quote:
“If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich.” ~ Lao Tzu

  1. Savor the joys of your achievements

It is one thing to achieve your goal; it is another to enjoy it after you have achieved it.
For example, you marry a woman of your dreams, but get bored with her soon thereafter and start looking for a new one. This is one of the most common causes of marital discords and breaks up. We know that relationships with anyone can be difficult but if we stick with it and work together through the good and the bad we can see some good in what’s happening in our lives. Males and females play different parts in a relationship. We all know or should know what’s important in a relationship to make it fulfilling for us.

“There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want; and after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second.” ~
Logan Pearsall Smith

  1. Stand erect and hold your head high in trying circumstances

We often tend to feel demoralized in adverse conditions. We stop and feel low as if we are bending under their weight. This happens both literally and figuratively.
You will, however, surely feel better if you try to lift your spirits and also your head like a person determined to take up the challenge. This is the best way to get
out of depression. Try it time and time again.

  1. Allow yourself to be playful and childlike

Children are known for the innocence and simplicity of mind in life. They soon forget their quarrels with their friends and start playing together once again. As you may have seen them all once in a playground when they are playing or play-fighting with each other and just then return back to normal by playing again. This is the reason that generally they are always happy and smiling. Translated into the language of the adults, we should learn to forget and forgive.

“The great man is he who does not lose his child’s-heart.” ~Mencius, Book IV

  1. Seek happiness and contentment in the present moment

Do not associate happiness with future events. I will be happy when things happen this way. It is like postponing your happiness to an unsure future. The better alternative is to try to postpone your sorrow to some future moment as much as you can. The time to be happy is to-day because yesterday
has already passed and you cannot be sure that tomorrow will bring any happiness.
“How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now, and there will never be a time when it is not now.” ~ Gerald Jampolsky

  1. Be a master of your moods

Be a master rather than a servant of your own moods. You are the ruler of the kingdom of happiness. Do not allow other people or circumstances to make you happy or sad.
Do not depend on material possessions to create happiness for you. It is for you to choose to be happy whatever the situation. Do not allow your heart to break up if your loved one has ditched you. If he/she can be happy without you so can you.

  1. Wake up with a resolve to stay happy during the day

Resolve the first thing as you wake up in the morning to remain happy throughout the day. Spend some time with the flowers and plants in your garden.
Listen to the songs of the birds in the trees or watch them flying high in the skies. Or, go out for a walk in the park nearby.
Remember your resolve to remain calm as soon as you sense trouble coming. You owe yourself an ethical duty to remain happy.

  1. Your body is your temple, honor it.

Keep the temple of your body neat, clean and well-ventilated. Do not dump garbage of dirty, negative thoughts and toxic junk food in it. It is really difficult to remain happy when you are sick physically or mentally. There is a close relationship between the mind and the body.
Take physical exercises regularly according to your constitutional needs.

  1. Meditate daily

Most yoga and meditation gurus have complicated the process of meditation by using incomprehensible jargon about its practice and goals. Consequently, most people tend to doze off during the meditation sessions and stop practicing meditation altogether. Ultimately, as we know now that there’s always websites and apps that we can use for meditation and other purposes. Meditation comes in many different form of techniques that we can use on daily. Meditation is a practice where an individual uses a technique – such as mindfulness, or focusing the mind on a particular object, thought, or activity – to train attention and awareness, and achieve a mentally clear and emotionally calm and stable state. Scholars have found meditation difficult to define, as practices vary both between traditions and within them. Meditation has been practiced since antiquity in numerous religious traditions, often as part of the path towards enlightenment and self realization.

Also, take stock of your day in the evening. Remember the little good things that happened. You were not held up in traffic snarls. Your car ran smoothly. There was no problem with your boss and colleagues. You had a delicious lunch or coffee. Thank your stars for a nice and happy day.
This will fill you with gratitude and make you a happier person.

“During meditation, your metabolism and your breath rate go down to a level of rest, twice that of deep sleep.” ~ Mike Love.

  1. Focus on changing yourself instead of changing the world around you

It is impossible to change the world around you. So stop fretting when people do not come up to your expectations.
The best course is to change yourself or at least adjust with the people or situations you do not like.

“Never underestimate your power to change yourself; never overestimate your power to change others.” ~ Wayne Dyer

  1. Make the best of what you have

It is always better to make the best of what you have rather than pine for what you think is the best.
A perfect state occurs only in Utopia and the world you live in is not that kind of ideal place. Do not be worried about the imperfections.
The word ‘imperfection’ is derived from ‘perfection’. Even the most imperfect situation has some small element of perfection in it.

You change your life by changing your thoughts. If the thoughts you think are pure, your life will be pure.

To end on this note I would like to ask you all three questions: Do you believe that thoughts have the power to transform your life? What do you believe stands between you and complete happiness?
Is it your thoughts or something or somebody else?

3 Methods on How To Not Get Depressed By Loneliness

*DISCLAIMER: I’m no medical doctor, I’m just your normal Jo Blogs sharing her life experiences and raising awareness for autism and mental health. If you see anything out of the ordinary or feel out of the ordinary for yourself or your loved on, I advise you to seek help and answers with a medical professional as I don’t forever condone self-harm.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ke1AKTMSXLA

Most, if not all, of us feel loneliness at some point in our lives.
Unfortunately, loneliness can become chronic and result in depression if it is not dealt with effectively and professionally.
Therefore, it is crucial to deal with your loneliness in healthy ways in order to reduce the likelihood of developing a longer-term condition.
There are ways to avoid depression from loneliness by using coping skills when you feel lonely, increasing social connection, and exploring your feelings of loneliness
to avoid depressions.
So, here I am today to give you all some advice on these three methods on how to not get depressed by loneliness.

So, as you’re aware basically I’m going to be talking about as I said about a how to comprehension guide for you guys on dealing with loneliness and hopefully the methods and techniques that will help you. So, there are three different methods – the first one is Method 1- Reducing Your Loneliness, Method 2 – Increasing Social Connection and Method 3 is Preventing Depression from Loneliness

So, let’s begin this.

Method 1: Reducing Loneliness

1.Change the way you think about being alone

The nature of our thoughts determines the quality of our life whether it is sad, happy and contented.
Also, happy, optimistic, positive thoughts, emotions, and feelings generate a zing in our system which makes the blood flow freely and heartbeat joyously if we’re in that happy states.
They create a spring in our feet and spur us to action. Let us remember the age-old saying that the mind- thoughts- can move the mountains.
Pessimistic, sad and gloomy thoughts, on the other hand, create inertia and force us to stay bed-bound.
They way we usually think and act upon certain things will determine every outcome or situation that we face in life of our everyday challenges. Yet, what we do and say etc is up to us and starts with us and ends with us. We can be our own worse enemy when we create some negativity in our lives.
Our actions are the practical manifestations of our thoughts.

It is quite clear, therefore, that we must bring about a change in the way we think in order to create happiness and a sense of fulfillment in our life.
A good thing about our brain is that it willingly adopts any changes that we bring about in our thinking patterns.

Your thoughts can change your feelings (loneliness, depression) and behaviors (how well we cope and how well we adapt to the changes around us).
If you think negatively about being alone, you will most likely have negative feelings about it.
However, if you embrace being alone you may be able to better cope with it and reduce your loneliness overall.
Use positive self-talk. For example, tell yourself that being alone can be a good thing.
Tell yourself, “It’s okay to be alone. I like my own company.” This can help you build up your tolerance to being alone.
When you find yourself thinking negatively about being alone such as, “I hate being alone. I’m so lonely. This is terrible,”
Think of some alternative thoughts that might be more realistic and helpful. For example, you could think or tell yourself,
“I can deal with being alone. I feel lonely but I know I can cope with it. It’s not so bad. Alone time can be a positive thing.”

Note: I’ll share some ways for us to change our thoughts of the negatives in one of my next videos.

  1. Manage your thoughts about your social interactions.

Again, it’s okay to be lonely for a time if you need it for yourself to better yourself as a person.
Don’t forever feel that you should be socialising all the time in other words too.
It’s a given that sometime in our lives that we’ll face loneliness. Yet, the question is as I shared is or can loneliness be a good thing for us?
Loneliness does has it’s pros and cons along with its benefits and disadvantages.
We need to be aware of our feelings and emotions and everything around us to what’s going on and hopefully, to react in the right way
when these situations that we come to face, hits us in our face.

People will feel lonely for quite a number of reasons, which may be includings something like simple social awkwardness and intentional isolation.
Some people may even feel lonely when they are surrounded by people because they lack meaningful connections with those people.
Everyone experiences loneliness sometimes in our lives as I’ve mentioned, but it is never pleasant to any of us. Dealing with loneliness can take many forms, such as
including meeting new people, learning to appreciate your alone time, and reconnecting with our own family and so much more.
You can click above me to what I shared about a few tips and advice on how to overcome and deal with loneliness on a daily.
(Video – Dealing with Loneliness [How To Guide] Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPx-BEzDJzg )

Studies show that how you think about yourself in relation to others has an impact on your level of loneliness.
Fear of rejection can discourage social activity and increase feelings of loneliness.
As we know that fear of rejection is an emotion and sometimes many of us we feel that kind of feeling based on that if we’re trying to
socialise and more.
If you are thinking you are inferior, this may lead to worrying about social interactions. Remind yourself that we are each different but we are equal. We are worthy.
Expect positive outcomes instead of negative ones when interacting with others. Think of alternative ways that the situation might pan out for you.
For example, perhaps the person will like you! It may not always turn out as badly as you think it will.

3. Surround yourself with animals.

Animals are the next best thing to humans. There is a reason some therapeutic treatments involve therapy dogs or nature-related activities.
Research suggests that being in nature or around animals can give you sense of calm and reduce loneliness. Get a dog, cat, or any other pet (fish, hamster, etc). However, don’t overload yourself with too many pets that are difficult to manage. Make sure you identify first what you are prepared to take care of (a fish vs. a dog can be a big difference). If you’ve never owned a pet before, start small.
If you cannot get a pet, go to the pet store and spend some time with the animals. You could also visit a zoo, or offer to watch a friend’s pet for the weekend.
With almost no effort at all, pets manage to bring so much joy into our lives. They make us laugh, comfort us when we’re sick or upset, and are always there for us no matter what.
Not everyone understands the bond between human and the animal or the beast, though, or even realizes how much pets do for their owners. We will take a quick look at ten of the benefits of having a furry friend.

1) They keep you fit

All breeds of dog need regular, daily walks in order to stay happy and healthy, and so do we!
However, we sometimes have the tendency to get a bit lazy – if that sounds like you, a dog is the perfect cure! They’ll be dragging you out the front door and making you run around the park each and every day. Yes, a dog is possibly the best personal trainer you could ask for.

2) They make sure you’re never lonely

If you live by yourself, or your partner works different shift patterns to you, it can get awfully lonely at home – unless you have a pet, of course!
Cats and dogs make great companions – they’ll always be waiting for you to come home and they’ll be happy to lend an ear should you want to moan about the awful day you’ve had and won’t answer you back if you did have a bad day. Plus, most of the time, they’re up for a snuggle on the sofa.

3) They lower your stress levels

Modern life is stressful and high levels of anxiety can lead to numerous health problems. Luckily, pets can really help us relax –stroking your cat or simply watching fish swim around in a tank can make your worries melt away. Previous studies have proven that pet owners tend to have lower blood pressure, cholesterol and triglyceride levels than people who don’t own a pet. That means having a furry pal can decrease the chances of suffering a heart attack later in life.

4) They can help you make friends

The pet owner community is an incredibly friendly one – you’ll often find that people will stop to talk to you about your dog in the park.
Having a pet is a great way to meet new people and create bonds quickly, especially if you’re not too good at small talk.
You never know, owning a dog may help you meet the love of your life!

5) They can improve your immune system

Pets spend a lot of their time outside and therefore bring all sorts of dirt and germs into your home.
This isn’t necessarily a bad thing though – the additional germs can help improve your immunity to colds and other mild illnesses.
In fact, previous studies have shown that babies who live with a dog tend to experience fewer infections and are generally healthier than those who don’t.

6) They can stop your children from developing allergies

While it’s no guarantee that owning a pet will stop your children from developing certain allergies, the evidence suggests the dander in their fur may help.
However, it’s worth noting that you should never own a cat or dog if you are allergic to them – you won’t suddenly become immune!

7) They can catch cancer early

It’s no secret that a dogs’ sense of smell is incredible, but did you know that some canines are capable of detecting cancer?
Several pet owners have reported that their dog saved their lives after they noticed they were constantly pawing at, sniffing or even licking a tumor hidden underneath the skin.

8) They can teach kids responsibility

Every parent has heard the question ‘Can I have a pony/puppy/hamster?’ at some point in their child’s life. It’s no secret that kids love animals, and if they’re old enough,
having one as a pet can actually teach them a lot of important skills. Not only will they learn the practical skills required to own a pet, such as cleaning out the cage,
grooming and teaching tricks; they’ll also develop their nurturing and empathy skills, which are vital in later life.

9) They make you feel safe

Not everyone likes being home alone, but having a cat or dog there can make you feel a lot safer.
Plus, burglars are less likely to target a house that’s clearly home to a dog. Some breeds make excellent guard dogs and will even protect you when you’re out for a run or walk.

10) They can provide companionship to children with learning difficulties

Children with autism and similar learning disorders often find it difficult talking to fellow human beings, but they have no problem at all with chatting away to
friendly animals. After all, your pets can’t answer back and will always keep your secrets!

Looking after a pet is a big responsibility, but when you consider all the benefits above, they make all that hard work worthwhile.
Whether you choose to keep a cat, dog, horse or hamster, they’ll make a great companion.

  1. Read.

When alone, reading can give you a sense of social connection and help combat loneliness.
You can connect with the author or characters in the book. Reading can also transport you to another place and distract you momentarily from feeling lonely. Read as much as possible, because reading not only calms you but also helps keep your mind fresh and active.
Pick a novel that you can read for pleasure.
Choose a genre that you enjoy such as adventure, fantasy, or sci-fi. You can even read a magazine.
Many books are available online as well.

Method 2: Increasing Social Connection

1. Develop healthy relationships.

Individuals who have satisfying interpersonal relationships and friendships show reduced depression,
a more positive outlook, and a better ability to deal with challenging situations and feelings overall.
Social support can help reduce stress that is associated with feeling lonely.
Going to therapy and going to family therapy are good ways to work on your relationships with whoever it may be. Focus on engaging in social activities that can lead to friendships.
Keep away from cynical and negative people if they bring you down. It’s okay to cut people out of your family, friends or whoever they are that are negative
because we shouldn’t have to deal with negativity on the daily.
Ask for help when you need it. Again asking for help is never a sign of weakness. It’s the sign of strength and courage. It’s a sign of you accepting and coming to terms as an acknowledgement in yourself that there’s something not quite right for yous.

2. Have realistic expectations when you socialize.


Rejection can be more of a worry when you feel lonely. Remember that rejection is another feeling/emotion that we feel. After all, we are humans and we are meant to feel things
Try not to put pressure on yourself to make a new best friend or a fantastic conversation with each social interaction that you get involved with.
Instead, try to enjoy the feeling of connecting in the moment. Social networking can be an option.
Social networking allows you to connect with other people without having to worry too much about rejection. Try leaving a comment on someone’s post, or sending someone a short message.
When you’re socializing in person however on the other hand, whether with someone you know or a stranger, try making small talk. You can start with the friendly question, “How is your day going?”. Asking someone how their day is going may not seem like the start of a profound conversation, but it allows you to make a small connection with anyone you meet.
And again in saying this that it may also lead into another conversation in depth later on. If it doesn’t lead you to a deeper conversation that’s fine. If not, you’ve still shared a moment with another person and that you’re showing that other person also that you’re showing some interest with that person or vice versa they’re showing interest in you while you’re being open.

3. Be open to meeting new people.

Yes, it can be hard for us coming down to being lonely, being social awkward or whatever it may be in this day and age. I will admit that I am still
a little bit socially awkward, shy and all that in myself but then again it’s just me. Signing up for a dating website, joining a group or club, volunteering, or taking a class are just a few ways to put yourself in situations where you’ll meet new people who share common interests with you.
If you are interested in and connect with someone, a great way to follow up is by adding him or her on a social networking site (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or what have you).
Or even on your cellphone, if you want to have the courage to phone them or text them.
Remember that the relationships you form may not grow deeper right away, and that’s OK. For now, focus on how it feels to connect with people again in that moment.

  1. Be proud of yourself when you make progress.

It can be tough to get out there and socialize with people. Each time you make a connection, whether it’s making small talk with a stranger or asking someone in your class out for coffee, be proud of yourself for reaching out.
Feeling positive about your social achievements will help you continue making an effort to connect with people. As your social needs are increasingly met, you’ll begin to feel less lonely.

Method 3: Preventing Depression from Loneliness

  1. Engage in positive activities.

Doing positive activities may help reduce the risk of depression, and it’s an effective strategy for regulating emotions.
Research shows that focusing on positive activities can shift attention away from distressing thoughts that’s on our mind. On the other hand, focusing on something negative can cause increased distress and other negative stuff .
Go for a light walk in the park or some calming place.
Watch a funny movie. Laughter really can be the best medicine after all. Laughter can also be your best friend. Laughter has been shown to increase overall health and happiness.
Social support is a crucial component of preventing depression. If you can, try to spend time with or talk to others in order to prevent depression.
Call up a friend, coworker, or family member so that you can therefore talk to them.

2. Use mindfulness.

If you have been depressed previously due to loneliness or any other reason behind it,
because as I said before that loneliness can be a profactor that interlaps with mental health; be it depression, anxiety and everything else.
But in saying this, mindfulness can help reduce the likelihood that you will get depressed again.

Benefits of Mindfulness

There are many benefits for Mindfulness and The cultivation of mindfulness has roots in Buddhism,
but most religions include some type of prayer or meditation technique that helps shift your thoughts away from your usual preoccupations toward an
appreciation of the moment and a larger perspective on life.

Professor emeritus Jon Kabat-Zinn, founder and former director of the Stress Reduction Clinic at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center,
helped to bring the practice of mindfulness meditation into mainstream medicine and demonstrated that practicing mindfulness can bring improvements in both physical and
psychological symptoms as well as positive changes in health, attitudes, and behaviors.

  1. Mindfulness improves well-being.

Increasing your capacity for mindfulness supports many attitudes that contribute to a satisfied life.
Being mindful makes it easier to savor the pleasures in life as they occur, helps you become fully engaged in activities, and creates a
greater capacity to deal with adverse events of the here and now. By focusing on the here and now, many people who practice mindfulness find that they are less likely to
get caught up in worries about the future or regrets over the past, are less preoccupied with concerns about success and self-esteem issues, and are better able to form deep
connections with others.

  1. Mindfulness improves physical health.

If greater well-being isn’t enough of an incentive, scientists have discovered that mindfulness techniques help improve physical health in a number of ways.
Mindfulness can: help relieve stress, treat heart disease, lower blood pressure, reduce chronic pain, , improve sleep, and alleviate gastrointestinal difficulties.

3. Mindfulness improves mental health.

In recent years, psychotherapists have turned to mindfulness meditation as an important element in the treatment of a number of problems,
including: depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, couples’ conflicts, anxiety disorders, and obsessive-compulsive disorder

How does mindfulness work?

Some experts believe that mindfulness works, in part, by helping people to accept their experiences—including painful emotions—rather than react to them with aversion and avoidance.

It’s become increasingly common for mindfulness meditation to be combined with psychotherapy, especially cognitive behavioral therapy. This development makes good sense, since both meditation and cognitive behavioral therapy share the common goal of helping people gain perspective on irrational,
maladaptive, and self-defeating thoughts.

Mindfulness techniques

There is more than one way to practice mindfulness however, but the goal of any mindfulness technique is to achieve a state of alert, focused relaxation by deliberately paying
attention to thoughts and sensations without judgment. This allows the mind to refocus on the present moment. All mindfulness techniques are a form of meditation.

  1. Basic mindfulness meditation – Sit quietly and focus on your natural breathing or on a word or “mantra” that you repeat silently.
    Allow thoughts to come and go without judgment and return to your focus on breath or mantra.
  2. Body sensations – Notice subtle body sensations such as an itch or tingling without judgment and let them pass. Notice each part of your body in succession from head to toe.
  3. Sensory – Notice sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches. Name them “sight,” “sound,” “smell,” “taste,” or “touch” without judgment and let them go.
  4. Emotions – Allow emotions to be present without judgment. Practice a steady and relaxed naming of emotions: “joy,” “anger,” “frustration.”
    Accept the presence of the emotions without judgment and let them go.
  5. Urge surfing – Cope with cravings (for addictive substances or behaviors) and allow them to pass. Notice how your body feels as the craving enters.
    Replace the wish for the craving to go away with the certain knowledge that it will subside.

Mindfulness has also been shown to help individuals who feel lonely.
Mindfulness is about giving your full attention to what you are currently doing and experiencing. Often we are distracted from the present moment by thoughts about the past
(regrets) or future (worry about what might happen). Practice mindfulness as often as you can, especially when you start to become lonely or depressed.
Try a mindfulness walk. Simply take a walk down the street and focus solely on your walk. Notice the sounds you hear, the things you see, the smells, and how you feel.
Is it hot or cold out? Is there a breeze or is the air still? Do you see any birds in the sky? Is it cloudy or sunny out?
Another mindfulness exercise is mindfulness-based meditation and guided imagery. Close your eyes and imagine you are in a safe place.
This can be a beach, your bedroom, or sitting under your favorite tree at a local park. Imagine that you are there. Experience your safe place in its entirety including what it feels like (i.e. the sand beneath your toes), smells like (salty air, fish),
looks like (notice the whole environment), tastes like (if you eat something or drink something), as well as what you hear (the waves crashing). When you have spent sufficient time in your safe space and feel relaxed you can open your eyes.
You can practice mindfulness easily at home, by paying close attention to whatever you are currently doing.
For example, if you are washing the dishes – focus your attention solely on this experience. Notice how it feels on your hands,
the temperature of the water, as well as what you see. Often our minds will wander when we do these types of mundane activities.
Observe any thoughts that come into your mind, and without judgment, let them pass. Accept your thoughts and then re-direct your attention back to what you are doing.
You can research and find many more mindfulness exercises by conducting a quick google search or using some of the other apps and techniques from your cellphone.

  1. Take care of your health.

Depression poses a significant health risk because it can negatively affect medical afflictions.
Overall health is positively related to mental health and well-being.
Health issues can also contribute to feelings of depression. In order to effectively prevent depression due to loneliness, you will need to focus on maintaining your physical health.

Improving your nutrition by eating healthier can help prevent and decrease mental health problems.
Your body needs proper nutrients to function optimally. Ditch the junk food and focus on eating plenty of proteins, complex carbohydrates, fruits, and vegetables.

Make sure you get adequate rest.

This means at least 8 hours of sleep per night. Maintain a sleep schedule by going to bed at the same time each night
and waking up at the same time each morning (even on weekends).

Exercise regularly.


Aerobic exercise has been linked to reductions in depression.Walk, run, hike, do anything that gets you moving.
If you have any current medical conditions (especially those that affect depression) make sure you have regular visits to your doctor.

  1. Consider getting treatment.

If you think you are already doing all that you can and still feel lonely, or your loneliness is growing into depression, it may be wise to seek expert help from your professionals. Therapists and psychologists can assist you in developing a clinical and research-based plan to reduce your
depression or loneliness.

Therapies such as Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy as I said before and Interpersonal Therapy have been shown to reduce and prevent repeated depression.
Contact your medical insurance provider to inquire about obtaining therapeutic services such as therapy or psychotropic medication (antidepressants, etc).

If you lack in medical insurance, you can conduct a local search of low-cost mental health services. Many government agencies also provide low-cost health insurance.
Psychiatrists can prescribe you medication if you are open to that. Ask your primary care doctor or therapist for a referral.

Coping With Depression After a Break Up

This will share you guys advice on how to cope with your breakup with depression. Enjoy~

Break-ups can be devastating. Break-ups can also cause so many mixed feelings and emotions as well as for many of us some or so many unanswered questions
to why we break-up in the first place.

We shouldn’t have to always always dwell on it as sometimes yes break-ups for many of us will take time to get over that particular someone. It’s a rough transition from sharing every part of your life with someone that you loved and cared about, to picking up the phone and suddenly remembering that it’s a bad idea to call them.


In some cases, people can slip into depression: a mood disorder that can feel so heavy and difficult that no one else can possibly understand what you are going through.

Caring for yourself, and deciding how to move forward, can be a serious challenge for many of us.
Here with this video comprehension guide today, I will be giving you four methods on how to deal with depression after a break-up. They are as follows: Method 1: Handling Depression, Method 2: Handling your feelings, Method 3: Caring for yourself and Method 4: Avoiding Isolation.

So, as I said before basically break ups can be really hard for many of us. It can be devastating for many of us. We tend to question to ourselves over and over again as I said why is this happening? Could I have done better? Was I the problem etc etc. Right? But in saying this though, we need to know that we’re not at fault sometimes as break ups happen in our lives regardless how old we are or even young we are if we’re trialling out the dating life. So, here is the methods now that I am going to share
with you all. So, the very first one of method 1 as I’ve mentioned is

Method 1 : Handling Your Depression

  1. Know the difference between sadness and depression.

Sadness and depression are two different emotions with different symptoms. It’s okay to not be okay once in a while.
We all will go through a break-up sometime in our lives as I said. After a breakup, it’s normal to cry, lose sleep, get angry, and temporarily lose interest in regular activities. This is part of the healing process for us. But you might have a more serious problem if you’re experiencing things like:


*Serious changes in eating or sleeping habits
*Fatigue
*Often feeling worthless, empty, or hopeless
*Unbearable, relentless emotional pain
*Irritability
*Difficulty focusing or making the right decisions
*Failure to clean your living space and manage basic hygiene
(Thinking about death, or even hurting yourself)

  1. Log your symptoms or journalling your symptoms.

As I shared before that it is always a good idea to write down our feelings, emotions, symptoms so that we can keep ourselves on track. So, basically I said about this in one of the videos that I shared earlier in the piece about handling your loneliness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPx-BEzDJzg.


When we do see something out of the ordinary of our everyday lives, we should be able to seek help no matter who it is from. Be it from our medical expert team.Be it through our friends or family or whoever.

Never be ashamed to ask for help when you need it as this is the first step to acknowledging in ourselves that there’s a problem.

It’s okay to ask for help as that is the first step for our recovery process for any recovery process. Be it our break up. Be it addictions. Whatever it may be. And this is the first step also in recognising that something is wrong with us or just something wrong in general.
If you suspect that you may have depression however, or that something else might be wrong, then try as I said keeping a journal to note down what it is that you’re going through.


If in doubt, write it on paper, or on your computer wherever it may be, for you to keep track of what you’re going through. It can be helpful to review later, and you can bring it to the doctor if you decide to get an evaluation as well as just some help.

My advice here is: Try writing down basic feelings, like “I felt hopeless all morning” or “I tried to have fun but was mostly listless and tired.” You don’t have to be very detailed if it’s too upsetting though, just to bear in mind also.
Try writing down what you did in that time period, like “I watched movies all evening and cried a lot” or “I stayed in bed for 3 hours in the morning because I had no
energy left in me.”

3 . Know the time frame and urgency level that typically constitutes a problem.

Experts usually recommend waiting around 2 weeks to a month to see if things get better for us.
You also have a problem if your sadness is preventing you from doing basic living tasks that you take for granted (like working or caring for your kids). You should see a doctor if:
You haven’t improved at all within 2-3 weeks period.
You can’t work or take care of yourself or your family. You think that you might hurt yourself.

4. Talk to a doctor about treatment options.

Your doctor may recommend therapy and/or medication to correct chemical imbalances in the brain.
The brain can get sick just like other body parts can. There’s nothing “wrong” with you to remind yourself if you have depression, or if you take medication to help fix it.
Not just fix it but to keep it in balance realm and don’t basically be afraid to take it.
Do try and trust the medical team either via through your consellor and or doctors etc as they’re there to help as no shame again to ask for help.

  1. Contact a crisis line if you’re in immediate danger.

If you think that you might be in danger or about to harm yourself, don’t just sit there. Grab your phone, and find a line to text or call them.
If you feel more comfortable in talking to a trained counselor or texting a crisis text line wherever you will be.

WHERE TO GET HELP: If you are worried about you or someone else’s mental health, the best place to get help is your GP or local mental health provider here in NZ.
However, if you or someone else is in danger or endangering others, call police immediately on 111.
Or if you need to talk to someone else here are some NZ organizations that may help:

• SUICIDE CRISIS HELPLINE: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
• YOUTHLINE: 0800 376 633
• NEED TO TALK? Free call or text 1737 (available 24/7)
• KIDSLINE: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
• WHATSUP: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm)
• DEPRESSION HELPLINE: 0800 111 757

Otherwise, if you live in a different country there are some International Organisations/Services that can help:

IF YOU LIVE IN ENGLAND: NHS 111: Telephone 111 (open 24 hours)

Samaritans: Telephone 116123 (open 24 hours)

IF YOU LIVE IN WALES: NHS Direct Wales: Telephone 0845 46 47 (open 24 hours)

Samaritans Wales: Telephone 116 123 (0808 164 0123 Cymraeg) (open 24 hours)

IF YOU LIVE IN SCOTLAND: NHS 24: Telephone 111 (open 24 hours)

Breathing Space: Telephone 0800 83 85 87

If you live in Northern Ireland: Samaritans: Telephone 116 123 (open 24 hours)

Lifeline: 0808 808 8000 (open 24 hours)

MENTAL HEALTH AMERICA SERVICES

Do you need to talk to someone? If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call 911, go to the nearest emergency room, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
to reach a 24-hour crisis center, or text MHA to 741741 at the Crisis Text Line.

You can also call 1-800-985-5990 or text “TalkWithUs” to 66746 at the SAMHSA Disaster Distress Helpline.
Trained crisis workers will listen to you and direct you to the resources you need.

MENTAL HEALTH AUSTRALIAN SERVICES

beyondblue aims to increase awareness of depression and anxiety and reduce stigma. Call 1300 22 4636, 24 hours / 7 days a week.

Blueheadspace provides mental health and wellbeing support, information and services to young people aged 12 to 25 years and their families. Call 1800 650 890.

Kids Helpline is Australia’s only free 24/7 confidential and private counseling service specifically for children and young people aged 5 to 25. Call 1800 55 1800.

Lifeline provides 24-hour crisis counseling, support groups, and suicide prevention services. Call 13 11 14.

The MindSpot Clinic is a free telephone and online service for people with stress, worry, anxiety, low mood or depression.
They provide online assessment and treatment for anxiety and depression. The MindSpot Clinic does not provide an emergency or instant response service.
Call 1800 61 44 34 AEST, 8am-8pm (Mon-Fri), 8am-6pm (Sat).

SANE Australia provides support, training, and education enabling those with a mental illness to lead a better life.
Call 1800 18 7263, 9am-5pm AEST (Mon-Fri).

Suicide Call Back Service provides 24/7 support if you or someone you know is feeling suicidal.
Call 1300 659 467.

Veterans and Veterans Families Counselling Service (VVCS) provides 24/7 free and confidential,
nationwide counseling and support for war and service-related mental health conditions, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD),
anxiety, depression, sleep disturbance, and anger. Call 1800 011 046.

Method 2: Handling Your Feelings

  1. Recognize that processing your feelings will take time.

Especially if the relationship has been long-term, this will be a difficult and probably a
long process for you. Expect that, and give yourself as much time as you need to get over the breakup.
Some people believe that the recovery from a breakup takes about half the time that the relationship lasted. For example, if your relationship lasted 6 months,
then you may need 3 months to fully recover. Keep in mind that everyone is different in this process, so you may take a little longer or shorter than this.
Because this is just a given guideline.

2. Give yourself space and time to feel your difficult feelings.

It’s normal for people to feel anger, frustration, sadness, fear, and all kinds of emotions after a bad breakup. Some of them may not be related to your ex at all. That’s okay. Let yourself cry and be upset. It’s okay to mourn the lost relationship.
Try labeling your feelings if they’re overwhelming you. Are you feeling insecure? Worried about the future? Are you lost? etc etc.

  1. Put away any reminders of your old relationship.

Take everything that reminds you of your ex (pictures, letters, keepsakes etc etc) and put it all in a box.
Then put the box out of sight and out of mind, like say in a closet corner or under your bed. Leave it there. You can sort it all out later, after you’ve gotten over the breakup.
Don’t throw it all away. You may regret that later.
If you think you might be tempted to revisit the box too soon, try putting a notice on it, like “do not open until a certain month like April or whatever.”

4 . Find a good outlet.

Coping with strong emotions can be hard. It helps to find a good way to let them out. Experiment with different ways to express yourself, as long as they’re healthy and safe. Here are some ideas I suggest to you all:

  • Exercise
  • Express yourself using the arts: painting, making music, drawing, writing, etc.
  • Cry
  • Imagine yourself dramatically telling your story on a talk show
  • Write in a journal
  • Rip or cut up paper from the recycling bin
  • Scream into a pillow and hit the bed
  • Smash ice cubes in the bath tub.

Do whatever you can and want to get it out of your system after your break-up of your emotions but yet again as I say this- do it safely.

  1. Engage in your hobbies, and try exploring new ones too.

It helps to find new ways to be productive and creative. Also in saying this like that it’s okay to do similar hobbies that you’ve done in the past as well as maybe as I said before exploring some new ones if we haven’t done them of what we wanted to do when we were younger, but you couldn’t. Try doing it now! It’s never too late!

6. Ask yourself what you need right now.If you notice yourself having a rough time, stop. Ask yourself “What would help me feel better at this given moment?”

Think about what you could do right now that would make this difficult situation a little easier. Perhaps things could be improved a bit by something like…

  • Calling a friend
  • Taking a warm shower
  • Playing with your pet
  • Drinking hot chocolate
  • Getting a hug from someone else
  • Doing something else that feels right at the moment

7. Work towards moving on.

Remember you can’t dwell on what happened in the past of your ex and that you need to be determined to move on and focus on you and yourself because it is always
important to put us first in the bigger picture possible because basically it’s important in this point of time of a break up obviously it’s healthy of us to just sit down, re-evaluate things and actually focus on ourselves on our mental health, spiritual health and whatever else it may be. It’s also important in this process also so that you’re ready to conquer anything that may arise now and in the future also.
Eventually, you’ll need to accept that the relationship ended, and be able to plan for a future that doesn’t include your ex.

This is your goal. Keep it in the back of your mind. You don’t have to be there yet, and it may take a while. It’s helpful to remember which way you want to be heading.

  1. Remember that recovery isn’t linear.

Setbacks does happen, however but that doesn’t make them permanent. You may get better a while, and then suddenly feel a little worse.
That doesn’t mean that you won’t recover. You may bounce back from the setback in a day or week or two or more depending on how strung out you are.

Method 3: Caring for Yourself

1.Try to keep a regular schedule as best as you can.

It’s going to be hard at first as we know as we go through a break up, but you may have to force yourself to eat regular meals and sleep regularly. This too will take time, so be patient with yourself.
You may need to function at a sub-optimal level for some time. This is okay also.

  1. Find sneaky ways to be a little healthier.

When you have depression, it can be hard to put effort into your health. Something is better than nothing. Find little ways you can look after yourself, and then be proud of yourself.
If food prep is hard, try eating a healthy no-prep snack, like an apple or string cheese. You can even keep a non-perishable snack (like a jar of nuts) at your desk.
Do mini exercises, like leg lifts while watching TV, or lifting a five-pound weight while lying in bed.

3 Work on basic hygiene.

Depression can make ordinary tasks (like brushing your teeth or showering) monumentally difficult. They are, however, very important for your health.
Neglecting them for too long can make you sick, or cause health problems later on.

Try to brush your teeth at least once a day. Even a cursory brush, without toothpaste, is better than nothing. You can also scrape your teeth with a washcloth to help
remove buildup.


Try to shower at least once a day or once every other day. Use baby wipes to wipe areas that tend to get sweaty, like your armpits and the zone under your bra. Apply deodorant.
If you’re too tired to get dressed, at least change your pajamas and your underwear every day. You can also put on an old t-shirt and sweatpants if you’re feeling well enough.

4. Stay away from unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Sometimes, when people are suffering from depression, they are tempted to abuse alcohol, use drugs, or binge eat and the latter.
This can harm your body, and make you feel even worse.
Look for other options if you can do so. Also, make sure that you’re not in the wrong company.

5. Don’t be afraid to ask people to help you with self care and other basic tasks.

Depression can make it hard to initiate tasks, and stay focused on them. Sometimes, having another person there with you can help a lot.
You can ask for help with some hygiene and cleaning tasks that you’re struggling to manage. Here are some examples of things you could say:
“I’m exhausted, and having a hard time cleaning my house. Would you please come over and help me? I’ve got root beer and vanilla ice cream,
so I could pay you with a root beer float afterwards.”
“I know that I’ve been a mess lately, and that I’ve been forgetting to shower. I’m sure you don’t want a smelly roommate. Would you give me a push if I’m turning stinky?”
“This breakup really has me devastated, and I’m struggling to stay on top of chores. Would you be willing to be my laundry buddy, and do laundry with me?”
“Dad, I’ve been too tired to cook for myself lately. Is there any chance I could come over for a healthy dinner sometime?” Or even if it’s your mum.

Method 4: Avoiding Isolation

1. Reach out to your loved ones.

Spend lots of time with your friends and family during this time. They will be your support system as you deal with the aftermath of the break-up.
Did you see some of these people much during the relationship? If the relationship was intense and long-term, chances are you haven’t seen some of your friends or
maybe even family for months. Take time to spend quality time with them and do something fun.
Tell your loved ones what you’re going through. It’s okay to say “I had a rough breakup and I could possibly really use a friend right now.”

2 .Make socializing part of your daily schedule, if possible.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-isolation during a depressive episode.
It’s crucial that you keep reaching out to people, so that you don’t start spending days or weeks on your own.
Try to spend at least half an hour every day on quality time with your loved ones. But as I said before that it’s okay to be lonely for a particular
time period for some of us depending on the given situation.

3. Say your feelings out loud.

Being honest about your feelings helps people know how to respond to you. Don’t rely on subtext or hints to let people know how you feel.
Say what emotion you’re feeling, and go from there. Examples:
“I’m feeling tired today.”
“Right now, I just want to do something easy, like watching a movie together.”
“I’m exhausted. Could we talk in the morning?”
“I’m feeling better today. I think it would be fun to go out. Are you in the mood for that?”
“I feel kinda nervous and shaky.”
“I don’t have the energy to go out. Does staying in and hanging out sound OK to you?”

4. Tell people how they can help you, especially if they are confused about what you’re feeling.

Most people want to help you, but they may not necessarily know how. And, there is a right way and wrong way in helping others of whatever it may be.
I’ve done a video on how tos of handling people with depression and the like which I will in the playlist above me and below me so that you can find it of what not to do and say
to people that are depressed, etc etc.
They may misjudge what it is that you need.
The best thing you can do is tell them how to help you.
Here are some examples to share with them:
“I could really use a distraction today. Wanna go do something fun?”
“I just need someone to listen and be there for me right now.”
“I’m not ready to meet cute guys or girls yet. I’m still not over him or her, and I need time to process.
I’ll let you know when I want you to point out some hotties for me.”
“I need a hug right now.”
“I’m tempted to text her. Can you hang out with me, and help me not do this?”
“I’m feeling lonely, and I could use some company. Anything from taking a walk or talking to watching TV together would be really nice.”

5. Find some trusted people to confide in.

Trust is really important when we do seek help either through friends or family or someone else that are willing to help us. Trust can be broken in an instant. Trust is one
important foundation in building up a relationship or a friendship however as we know. We need to know that we’re not alone when we do face our struggles and situations.
Facing difficult emotions is hard, and it’s even harder when you do it alone. Look for a good listener, and ask them if it’s a good time to talk about things.
Letting it all out can help a lot.

Remember The Ones That You’ve Got And Lost

*Key Note: As I write about this blog piece is about briefly my loss to some of my friends and loved ones to suicide and a gentle reminder to us all to try and be with the ones we love!

Everyday I think about my friends and family etc of how they are and what they’re doing. Today and everyday if I could tell the world anything today it’s please check up on your loved ones regardless of who they are or where they are in life, please just check in with them and listen to their body language and if signs are showing danger.

Taking the time out of my day to remember of my loved ones while being alone!

Depression, suicide and suicidal thoughts along with many other mental health disorders and other person reasons and or circumstances have claimed and have  taken  the life of my friends, family and colleagues and my biggest fear ever since has been losing another one I love to depression and other mental health issues, it’s such a terrifying and emotional thing to go through. I am no expert or professional on mental health. No far from it as I’m someone’s friend, sister, cousin and more but I am here for anyone who wants/needs to talk. You are not alone.

We need to start to end the stigma to all things mental health as well as any other conditions that we may have. We need to try and be there for the ones that deserves to be in our life.

Remember if someone says they are fine it doesn’t always mean they are, so dig a little bit deeper and if they are comfortable enough allow your loved one or anyone that you’re close to, to open up to you about how they are feeling.

Sometimes, it is good to find the people we can trust and talk to about our problems. Trust is one thing we need to have before we start to open up. Sometimes, many of us will definitely have our walls up for a reason and if we can give people a chance to let them in to talk then we should know that they’re there to help and not to judge us! We need people to uplift us not tear us down or even judge us when we’ve had some bad days etc.

Help is always available and suicide is never the answer. Asking for help is a sign of strength and knowing and acknowledging that there’s a problem and to accept it and doing something about it. Never leave it too late or to chance.

Suicide and other mental health problems have destroyed my life along with me being a survivor of my attempts. The very second my close friends, family, friends etc took their last breath as they completed their  attempt. Not a day goes by I do wish for someone who could of been there to save them if it wasn’t me. I wish they knew I loved and cared for them even if I wasn’t around for them much or even not seeing the warning signs earlier. I live with the regrets of not checking in with them enough, for not digging deeper when they said they were  fine. I would do anything to have some of them  back right now to talk to them, laugh with them, create memories with them, even if it’s just for a day. Our last conversation we ever had they told me they were fine and the next month or day or two, they took their own life.

Tomorrow is never promised and this world is so damn cruel, so if you do anything today please just text or call someone you love and check in with them or simply just tell them you love them or were thinking of them. Hug and hold your loved ones in your arms for as long as you can and in that moment remember how it feels, because I can’t remember what it felt like to be held in his arms anymore, after a suicide loss alot of important things start to fade away after a while. I don’t remember the beautiful sound of their voice or laughter anymore, I don’t remember what they smelt like. Don’t wait for tomorrow to come do everything you want to do today, make time and put in the effort to see that person, make sure they feel loved wanted and needed but most of all damn appreciated. The last time I saw my friends when we tried to arrange a special day for them  to hang out very soon at their favorite place to go to of the beach, but that day never came. Record your loved one, take their picture even when they least expect it, record their voice, get them to write you something, anything and just keep that piece of paper with their handwriting on it. Take as many pictures together as you possibly can. Go on more dates, book a holiday, do whatever you can to make them feel included and wanted. Everything you do or ever say to them is important regardless of how big or small they might be, you should all treasure every moment and if one day they are gone then you will at least have their picture, a voice recording, their handwriting, something personal they gave to you once upon a time. Treasure it all with your life. I had so many things from our relationship when we were kids but when we broke up or decided not to be friends with me anymore for whatever reason and took their life, I got rid of everything as I tried to heal but now looking back as an adult I wish more than anything I had something to remember them, aside from the memories in my brain. To all my friends and family who may or not be reading this right now, I want you to know I love you and I’m sorry I don’t say it enough but I should. I’m always here for you all and I’m thankful for you all. ❤️

HOW TO COPE WITH LOSING A PET OF OUR BELOVED FRIEND

It is a given that we live a lot longer than our pets that we care for, cuddle and nurture and so much more with them that , it stands to reason that we will, at some time or another will have to come face to face with losing one. Whether you know it’s coming or it’s unexpected of the actual time to say our goodbyes to our fur-babies, it is a sad and emotional time. Fortunately, there are many ways to cope with the loss.

Method 1 – Before Your Pet’s Death

  1. Accept your pet’s fate.

At some point, we all will need to come to terms with the mortality of our beloved pets. Even, if the Vet gave a certain diagnosis of the animal’s health and how long it is expected to live for – we definitely need to be
ready for that. Preparation is key. There are very few animals that, like pets, have the expected lifespan of humans.
If your pet is ill or is a “senior” pet, it’s a good time to talk with your veterinarian about your pet’s continued quality of life of what you can do for it to get comfortable and free from any pain.

2. Talk with your vet.

When talking with your vet, ask if and how much pain your pet is experiencing.
Gather every information that you’ll need based on what your pet is facing.
Knowing this will help you make the right decision for your pet, and knowing that you make the best choices for your pet helps you better cope with the loss of a pet.Consider the animal’s quality of life.
Ask yourself a few questions before you make the final decision if you do decide to let your pet go. Is (s)he in pain? Can the pain or illness be treated medically, and still offer your pet a good quality life?
Does (s)he have a good appetite? Is your pet happy?

Finally, give thought to whether medical treatment is financially viable for you.
For most of us, finances do need to be a consideration, albeit a very unpleasant one.
Based on the vet’s assessment and your own judgment, make the decision, with your pet’s happiness in mind.
If you’re not sure, consider getting a second opinion from another vet.

3. Take pictures of your pet.

You will want something to remember it by. Even if (s)he looks sick and miserable, it is very important to take photos and videos, as bittersweet as it may feel. In the future, you may wish to boast about what a wonderful pet you had, and you may want to show people what he or she looked like. Collect anything else you want to remember him/her by. This includes a favorite toy, a blanket, or a decorative element from a tank or cage. Consider taking a clipping of your pet’s hair. You can also dip your pet’s paw in a small bit of paint and place it on a piece of paper that you can later display after the pet has died.

4. Continue to spend time with your pet.

Despite, it’s quality of life it is reassuring for your pet to know that you’re there with them until you let go. Let your pet know how much you love him or her, and cherish every moment. They will know that you’re still with them. Animals can sense people auras and what their nature is like from when you first got them to when you’re about to let them go. As that happens, your bond and friendship with your pet grows. Pet your special one in all its favorite places, and above all else make sure s/he is comfortable. Talk and maybe even sing. Do things that your pet has always enjoyed, when still able, like letting curling up on your lap for hours at a time, giving plenty of time to roam in the yard, and eating yummy little treats. If there was ever a time to spoil your pet, this is it. Discuss your pet’s diet with your vet. If your pet is at an advanced age, a change in diet may make your pet happier on many levels – offering a diversity of foods and/or foods that are easier to eat or digest (and help prevent weight loss). At the same time, respect your pet’s wishes; if (s)he wants to be left alone, don’t violate your pet’s comfort. Let your pet have his or her way

5. Consider staying with your pet during euthanasia. (MORE LATER ON THIS)

I know many people won’t want to come to terms to put the animal down.
Yet, it has clearly shown that when you’re with the animal after it’s put down, they’re at peace to know that you’re with them. It is usually a painless and peaceful process for your pet, but most importantly you will be with your beloved pet in its last moments, helping to ease its way along. Remind the vet to give an anesthetizing agent so that your pet goes to sleep BEFORE the actual injection occurs that ends his/her life.
Holding and petting your animal can give you as much comfort as it gives your pet, and though it’s a sad experience, it’s one that will help you to feel you did all you could for your pet in this world.

6. Make arrangements as to what you will do with his earthly remains.

When preparing for the loss of a pet, you also need to prepare for all the practicalities that follow. They are an absolute nightmare if you’re unprepared – and may add to your grief and stress at the time. You want to ensure you’ve taken care of all arrangements beforehand. You may wish to bury it in your yard with or without a grave marker.
You can also have it buried in a cemetery or cremated.Or you can ask for their ashes once they’ve been cremated and then do a proper ceremony of letting go.

7. Give family and friends a chance to say goodbye.

Before your beloved pet leaves your home forever, let the people who’ve enjoyed his/her presence know that it’s not going to be around for much longer.
You’ve been given a chance to say goodbye, and so should they. Assuming your pet feels comfortable with people, getting attention from various sources will
make you and your pet feel more loved.

Method 2 – After Your Pet’s Death

1 Allow yourself to cry.

Bottling up your emotions is not good for you, and you will feel sad forever.
Forget all that nonsense that you’re not supposed to mourn an animal as much as you would a person. There was a bond that you cherished, and no matter the nature of the bond, it is missed.

2. Tell your friends about the loss.
You might send out a mass e-mail, but not to everyone in your address book.
Send it to those who know you well, and care about you. You will receive many responses that let you know others loved and appreciated your pet and will validate your feelings.

3. Remember your pet.
Don’t pretend you never had one. Even though it makes you sad, it is best to remember and cherish the memories, not ignore them. It may hurt at first, but it’s the only path to closure, and it’s the only way you’ll ever be able to remember fondly your time with your pet. This is a good time to make a scrapbook or post photos on your blog or homepage. Include pictures, stories, and notes about your pet.
Read “The Rainbow Bridge” poem online. It will make you feel better about your loss. Create some form of legacy for your pet when they’re gone to be remembered by.

4. Get on with your life.

Although losing a pet is very sad, it is no reason to shut yourself up in your house or go into depression. Your pet has always felt comfortable in your comfort, and the sooner you get back on track, the sooner you’ll be yourself again.

5. Consider volunteering at a local animal shelter.

While emotionally, you may not be prepared to welcome another pet into your home right away, the act of helping to care for a homeless pet,
a pet in desperate need of a caring human, may help with your grieving and sadness.

6. Do something in memory of your pet.
Plant a tree, donate to a shelter or college of veterinary medicine.

There is so much more you can do while coping after losing your fur-baby as it is quite similar to how it works with when losing a person that you’ve loved and cared about. The question is do you wish to get another pet after losing your first one that passed?

There are many wonderful reasons to once again share your life with a companion animal, but the decision of when to do so is a very personal one. It may be tempting to rush out and fill the void left by your pet’s death by immediately getting another pet. In most cases, it’s best to mourn the old pet first, and wait until you’re emotionally ready to open your heart and your home to a new animal. You may want to start by volunteering at a shelter or rescue group. Spending time caring for pets in need is not only great for the animals, but can help you decide if you’re ready to own a new pet.

Some retired seniors living alone may find it hardest to adjust to life without a pet. If taking care of an animal provided you with a sense of purpose and self-worth as well as companionship, you may want to consider getting another pet at an earlier stage. Of course, seniors also need to consider their own health and life expectancy when deciding on a new pet. Again, volunteering to help pets in need can be a good way to decide if you’re ready to become a pet owner again.

UNDERSTANDING THE STAGES OF GRIEF

Everyone experiences grief differently. Many people who lose a friend or loved one experience several stages of grief as they deal with a loss. Psychologists who work with people as they grieve have noticed the ways that people cope with the loss.
There are some commonalities including distinct stages such as denial, anger, and depression. There are a few more to name, but what you may not know is that these stages aren’t about the grief of someone dying, but rather something extremely different. There is now more to it than the five that we hear about of the stages of grief which I’ll
explain in a minute.

Types of Loss

Most people associate the word ‘grief’ with the sadness that surrounds the death of a loved one. Yet people can experience grief after many other losses, including a breakup, losing a job or a home, having a part of the body like an arm or leg removed, being diagnosed with a terminal illness, or having to drop out of college.

The Grief Process

People go through a number of stages when they lose a loved one.
You may experience them in any order and any number of times. You may feel sad
at the beginning, move on to anger, and then return to feeling sad. The crucial thing to remember is to take your time to grieve. Allow yourself to do it in own unique way. Never let anyone tell you how to grieve or for how long. It’s up to you! Accept any help if it is given to you while you’re grieving.

What You Probably Don’t Know About Grief

Many people think that the stages of grief are about the loss of a loved one.
However, they are actually related to people who are dying, rather than a personal loss.
Dr. Kübler-Ross is credited with developing the stages of grief, but most people don’t realize that what she created was for people with terminal illness. She wrote a book called On Death and Dying. In this book, Dr. Kübler-Ross writes about the stages of death: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Dr. Kübler-Ross interviews terminally ill patients and discusses how impending death affects a person. She writes about how the patient, their family, and loved ones cope with the loss.

She did not develop the stages to describe the stages of loss people go through when some dies, however, they are about what terminally ill people experience. The stage includes – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. After some time, people adopted these phases to apply to their personal loss, and they seem to fit well. Below you will find the stages of grief as a terminally ill person experiences them. They are also applicable to losing a loved one.
*Just as a quick note that not everyone will go through these stages of all of these. Some miss a few stages while grieving. This will only be for some people not all.

Kubler Ross Stages of Grief
Dr Elizabeth Dr. Kübler-Ross , a Swiss psychiatrist, introduced the concept of the five stages of grief in 1969. What are the five stages of grief? According to Dr. Kübler-Ross’ model, there are several stages of grief. Through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance people process their loss, whether that’s a terminally ill patient or a person coping with losing a loved one. She was also interested in the way people communicate their grief to others through their words, emotions, and behavior.

Denial

When you’re in denial about the loss, you try to convince yourself or others that the event hasn’t happened or isn’t permanent. You know the facts, of course. If your spouse has died, you might accept that it happened but then believe for a time that his death means nothing to you. If your parents have divorced, you might try to get them back together even after they’ve moved on to other relationships.Following a job loss, you might go back to work thinking they didn’t really mean it when they fired you.

Anger

Anger is a typical reaction to loss, and it’s one of the Dr. Kübler-Ross’ stages of grief.
You may be angry with the person who left you, or you may feel angry with yourself.
You might express the anger by shouting at people through sarcasm,
or by showing irritation at everything from significant letdowns to minor problems. This stage can also happen at any time, even after you go through a period of acceptance.
The benefit of the grief stages is that they help you deal with the loss and move on.
Anger can energize you to do just that.

Bargaining

At some point, you may find yourself bargaining, trying to get back what you lost.
This part of the stages of grief and the higher power help the person cope with the loss.
People often promise their God that they will live a better life if only they can take back what they lost. A child may promise to pick up their toys and stop arguing with their siblings if their parents will get back together. Bargaining is a stage that sometimes brings up uncomfortable discussions that go nowhere.

Depression

Next in the five stages of grief is depression. The depression can present with any of the symptoms of clinical depression. You may feel sad and cry often. You might notice changes in your appetite or sleep patterns. You might have unexplained aches and pains. This stage can be too painful in a breakup in a relationship and in the death of a loved one. If you’re moving through these stages of grief, divorce can seem like the end of your life, so it’s natural to become depressed. It is a situational depression that may soon pass naturally as you move toward acceptance.

Acceptance

The last of the Dr. Kübler-Ross stages of grief is acceptance. You understand what you lost and recognize how important that thing or person was to you. You no longer feel angry about it, and you’re finished with bargaining to get it back. You’re ready to start rebuilding your life without it.

Complete acceptance brings complete peace, but often, this stage is never complete. Instead, you might feel sad during death anniversaries or angry when you feel current circumstances would work out so much better if you just had that thing or person with you now. When you accept the loss fully, you’ll understand the stages of grief better.

The Seven Stages of Grief
Dr. Kübler-Ross refined her model to include seven stages of loss. The 7 stages of grief model is a more in-depth analysis of the components of the grief process. These seven stages include shock, denial,anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and acceptance. Kubler-Ross added the two steps as an extension of the grief cycle. In the shock phase, you feel paralyzed and emotionless. In the testing stage, you try to find realistic solutions for coping with the loss and rebuilding your life.

Other Variations

There have been different grief models over the years. In addition to the 5-stage and 7-stage models, you may hear about the four stages of grief and the six stages of grief. John Bowlby, a British psychologist, studied the stages of grief and loss long before Dr. Kübler-Ross presented her five stages of grief. His work was with children with attachment issues. One of these, of course,is grief. Bowlby’s four stages of grief are: 1) shock and numbness, 2) yearning and searching, 3) despair and disorganization, 4) reorganization and recovery.

The six stages of grief s merely an extension of Kubler-Ross’ original 5-stage process.
The only difference is that the shock stage starts before denial. What are the stages of grief then? That is a question only you can answer. The stages of grief you go through might be different from the ones someone else experiences.

Getting Stuck

Sometimes, the grief process doesn’t go well. The bereaved may become stuck in one stage of grief, unwilling or unable to move through the process. In a worst-case scenario, the person can continue to be angry, sad, or even in denial for the rest of their life. When this happens, they usually need to talk to a grief counselor before they can move out of that stage of grief. Otherwise, the intense pain might continue over the course of many years. Also, they may miss opportunities to build a new life that can bring them happiness in the here and now.

Help When You’re Grieving

Grief counseling helps people who are overwhelmed after a loss. If they are stuck in one stage of grief, this type of counseling can help move them towards recovery. The counselor assists and guides you as you talk about the loss, identify your feelings, and separate from and learn to live without the person you lost.

Along the way, they will help you understand the stages of grief. They will support
you by providing information about grief in general as you go through the process.
They help you identify and hone the coping skills you’re already using. If the method
you’re trying to use for coping isn’t working out, the grief counselor can help you identify that problem and introduce you to coping skills that work better.

Real Men DON’T GRIEVE, OR DO THEY?

Men are the forgotten grievers!

A woman in tears, openly expressing her pain, wanting to connect with a male partner whose impermeable stoicism has left her feeling alone. A man, his heart breaking on the inside, confused amidst a world shattered by loss, locking his pain behind a wall of silence, unsure how to express vulnerability or to receive support.

Is there really a difference in the way men grieve and respond to loss? After doing some research it’s safe to say that I’ve known plenty of men who fit the stereotype: emotionally controlled, disinclined to talk about matters of the heart, as apt to seek out solitude as connection focusing on action rather than talk.

Men grieve far more than we show or discuss. One of the biggest reasons for the misunderstandings on this subject is that we don’t talk about it, and we do a rather poor job of listening when women try to share their own grief or prod us to talk about ours.

We almost never cry in front of other men. If we feel that a woman is “safe,” we may cry with her. But most of our tears are shed when we are alone, perhaps while driving our vehicles. In all too many cases, our hot tears become a deep-freeze of anger or rage. Most very angry men are very sad men.

But these were the surface responses of men whose inward experiences were far more nuanced, changeable, and multidimensional than stereotypes can capture or assess.
The real picture was more complex.

Still, it can be helpful to bear in mind, without being rigidly attached to, the perspectives of researchers and clinicians convinced such differences are real. This perspective suggests that, as a group, men tend to be less expressive of their feelings—with the possible exception of anger—and that this disinclination to disclose or process emotions may actually intensify during times of stress and vulnerability.

So it is with grieving. When a cherished pet is critically ill or has died, men and women will not experience or express their reactions in the same way. Failure to understand and accept our different ways of grieving can result in hurt feelings and conflict between partners and among family members during a very difficult time. There are big decisions to be made – whether to proceed with expensive diagnostic procedures or treatments, choices about euthanasia, options for care of the pet’s body after death. There are goodbyes to be said and there is grief work to be done. Behaviors can be misinterpreted;
needs may be misunderstood; expectations may not be met.

Male grief has certain characteristics that are important for us to know. Otherwise we may assume that, when faced with the crisis of losing a beloved companion animal, real men don’t grieve.

Like everyone else in our Western culture, men are saddled with certain stereotypes.
Real men are supposed to be tough, confident, rational and in control, not only of themselves but of situations as well. Real men don’t cry, aren’t afraid of anything and wouldn’t be caught dead asking for directions, let alone for help. Real men know exactly
what to do in a crisis, and they’re strong enough to support the rest of the family, too. Add to these stereotypes the assumption that, if a man doesn’t express thoughts and feelings of grief the same way a woman does (by crying or by openly sharing with others, for example),
then he must not be grieving at all. If the grief doesn’t show, it must not be there!

Scientific studies indicate clear differences between the male and female brain, not only in how it is structured, but in how it is used as well. We know that the left side of the brain houses language skills, while the right side controls spatial problem-solving skills. That the connective tissue between the two sides (the corpus collosum) tends to be thinner in males than in females may explain why a man tends to use one side of his brain at a time,
while a woman uses both – and why a man is less able to verbalize what he is feeling. Other studies indicate that from puberty a male produces less of the tear-producing hormone prolactin, leaving him physiologically less able to cry.

So do real men grieve when they lose a beloved companion animal? Most certainly they do– but they may do so in an instrumental rather than an intuitive way.

In general, men tend to put their feelings into action, experiencing their grief physically rather than emotionally. They deal with their loss by focusing on goal-oriented activities which activate thinking, doing and acting. Rather than endlessly talking about or crying over his lost pet, for example, a man may throw himself into time-limited tasks such as digging the animal’s grave, constructing a burial box, carving a memorial marker, planting a memorial garden, or writing a poem or a eulogy. Such activities give a man not only a sense of potency and accomplishment as he enters his grief, but also a means of escaping it when the task is done.

If a man relates the details of his loss to his closest male friends, it’s likely to be around activities like hunting, fishing, sporting events and card games.

Although a man may let himself cry in his grief over losing his pet, he is more likely to do it alone, in secret or in the dark.

Regardless of the differences, the pressures of grief are still present for both men and women, and the tasks of mourning are the same: to confront, endure and work through the emotional effects of the pet’s death so the loss can be dealt with successfully. Grief must be expressed and released in order to be resolved, and men need encouragement to identify
and release emotions, to talk about and share their thoughts, and to accept help and support from others.

Research

There is evidence that men are more likely than women to remain silent or grieve in isolation, engage in action-oriented forms of grief expression, or lose themselves in distractions such as work or throwing themselves into a new relationship. Research suggests that men appear to be more susceptible to developing a reliance on alcohol or engaging in risk-taking behaviors following a loss and are more likely than women to commit suicide following the death of a spouse. Some studies suggest that men are more likely to use the strategies of avoidance, intellectualization, and minimization when grieving and, although research is inconsistent on the point, they may have a greater tendency to somaticize emotional and psychological pain

Grieving men may be at greater risk of death when compared with men of the same age who are not grieving. Some believe this may reflect the impact of internalized
stress or the effects of poor self-care. Others suggest that men tend to have smaller social networks than women and more difficulty asking for and accepting support,
making them less likely to receive, and more likely to reject, encouragement to prioritize one’s health .

Theories about purported gender patterns among those who are grieving tend to focus on biology, socialization, or a combination of the two. Biological hypotheses range from the impact of testosterone and the nervous system to concepts drawn from evolutionary psychology (such as speculation on the biological basis of role differentiation).

Psychologist Judith Stillion, PhD, CT, articulates one of the earlier arguments on behalf of the importance of socialization. During childhood, boys and girls receive different messages that profoundly impact the ways they grieve, she says. Boys, she believes, receive four fundamental messages about what it means to be a man and what constitutes proper male behavior. She refers to the first as “the stiff upper lip syndrome,” in which boys are taught that men must be strong and stoical in the face of difficulty and are discouraged from expressing vulnerability and encouraged to accept pain without complaint. The second is that a man must be in control at all times, self-reliant and able to handle any situation without asking for help. She calls this the”powerful loner stereotype.” The third message is that a man must protect and keep safe those who are important to him and never trouble them with his own struggles or concerns. The last is that a man must be ever ready to overcome any challenge without fear.

“I don’t need to talk to anyone as I can cope on my own!”

Doka and Martin suggest that men and women express their grief along a continuum of styles ranging from those that they call intuitive, centering on the expression
of affect, to those they call instrumental,which find expression physically and cognitively. Although they are careful to contextualize gender within a matrix of other variables—underscoring that no two people or groups will ever grieve exactly alike and that most prefer some blending of these styles—in general men seem to feel more comfortable with a style more heavily weighted toward the instrumental end.

Cultural Messages

Though we may hope boys in the rising generation of men are no longer receiving such rigid injunctions, many males continue to receive such messages as adults, even when grieving. I’ve worked with many men who report that when they’ve attempted to talk about their feelings or shed tears they have felt rebuffed or gotten the message, subtly or overtly, to “be strong,” “don’t cry,” “suck it up,” or “don’t make others feel uncomfortable.” Such experiences not only close down opportunities for connection and authentic support but also can undermine trust and reinforce stereotyped patterns and defenses tending toward isolation.

Cultural expectations about what constitutes healthy grieving hold that to heal, one has to speak about, process, and “work through” one’s thoughts and feelings by sharing them. Ideally this allows the bereaved to adapt to the world in the absence of their loved one while maximizing social support networks and reinvesting in other relationships and meaningful activities. Those who grieve silently rather than talking about their feelings may be labeled as excessively withdrawn, clinically depressed, or uncommunicative. Men who prize stoicism as an expression of independence or dignity, or as a way of not putting their burdens on others may be considered to be in in denial or out of touch. Men who engage in action-oriented expressions of grief, such as physical activity or private rituals away from the eyes of others, or who attempt to cope through distraction, positive thinking, planning for the future, or intellectualization may be accused of running away from their grief.

Though any of the above tendencies when taken to extremes or excessively relied upon can lead to complications, there is nothing inherently wrong or unhealthy about any of them. In fact, these tendencies may simply be a part of a style of grieving that social worker Tom Golden, LCSW, (2010) refers to as “the masculine side of healing.”

By this he means that there may be a style of grieving and healing that men gravitate to more readily than women. In his book Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing, he puts it as follows: “The masculine side of healing is not as accepted a mode of healing as the more traditional verbal and emotional expressions. It tends to be quieter and less visible, less connected with the past and more with the future, [and] less connected with passivity and more aligned with action. As a consequence, I have noticed repeatedly that people who use a predominance of this masculine side of healing are suspected
even by mental health professionals of ‘not really healing.'”

By thinking in terms of a style of healing in which men may feel more at home, we can better assess and appreciate the potentially useful aspects of this style in the larger context of one’s bereavement journey, rather than dismissing it as dysfunctional.

So is the inward experience of grief really different for men and women? Or is the pain simply more likely to find expression along gender lines? Maybe the
difference is not so much in the experience of grief itself but in how the pain of grief is absorbed, processed, and expressed, or what we typically call mourning.

Unquestionably, many men have inherited the messages described by Stillion—the powerful loner guarding emotion behind a wall of strength, unwilling to be vulnerable,
uncomfortable asking for support. But this response may be reflexive and potentially self-protective when one is feeling unsafe or overwhelmed. When the value of
such responses are affirmed and the boundaries they set respected, and when the language of action, silent gestures, personal codes of honor, are decoded and affirmed,
men often become more forthcoming about things which they had been struggling to carry alone.

If we mistakenly view a surface style as indicative of an unwillingness to connect or process on a deeper level, or if we discount this style as invalid, insisting that those for whom it is helpful are not doing the work of bereavement, we will miss opportunities to go beneath the surface and offer support. If we accept and respect what may be a masculine or instrumental style of healing, we can avoid the trap of stereotyped expectations and build trust by not dismissing these strategies or attempting to force ourselves beyond one’s defenses.

It must be remembered, of course, that this style, although it can become an avenue into healing, may also lead to serious complications, causing men to suppress or feel shame about normal thoughts, feelings, and difficulties which often attend grief, and potentially creating distrust when it comes to asking for or accepting support. It can also lead to isolation, relational conflict, undisclosed anxiety, depression, or a reliance on dangerous forms of escapism such as drinking or extreme risk-taking, possibly leading to premature death.

It’s also worth remembering that there are plenty of men who gravitate toward an intuitive style of mourning and many women who prefer one that tends toward the instrumental. And that these preferences may be more fluid than fixed, changing with the context, level of trust, and so on.

When the subject of gender differentials in grieving comes up among social workers, the conversations can get pretty lively. Some argue that, although we need to be careful not to overgeneralize, there are clear differences in style between men and women. Others may agree that it’s wise to be aware of ways gender socialization can impact one’s sense of self but distrust such generalizations because they can dull one’s sensitivity to nuance, subjectivity, and changeability when it comes to processing and healing from any significant loss.

The good news is most hospice and bereavement social workers are flexible and inclusive when it comes to these matters, incorporating multiple dimensions of experience and expression into their work, going beyond the traditional verbal explorations that have typified grief bereavement counseling in the past. They understand the need to take the time necessary to establish trust and safety. They respect a client’s defenses
and are sensitive to the ways these may be affected by gender. And most respect the potential value of solitude and of more action-oriented strategies for
coping and healing, whether these strategies are preferred by a man or a woman.

ADVICE

To better understand men who are grieving, it’s helpful to recognize that:

Our own gender biases may influence how we “read” another gender’s grieving.

Although men and women grieve differently, neither way is inappropriate. It is not helpful to take sides, supporting one way of grieving over another.The way we grieve is as individual as we are: some men grieve in traditionally “feminine” ways and some women grieve in traditionally “masculine” ways. What looks like inappropriate behavior may be a man’s way of avoiding feelings or displaying emotions publicly. A man should not be judged for how he is grieving. If a man seems more angry than sad at the death of his pet, he may just be angry at the situation – and anger may be the only way he knows to express his grief.
It’s useful in such cases not to take the man’s anger personally, or to react defensively against it.

Some men turn to drugs or alcohol in an effort to numb the pain of loss, or to lower their inhibitions so they can let loose their emotions.
They need to know that, because alcohol is a depressant, it will only add to the sadness they’re already feeling.

“One more drink and then I can get my work done for the day!”

Men are less likely to seek the support of others (either individually or in a group) in order to express (think, talk, cry, or write about) their feelings, especially if they don’t feel respected, or if they find certain aspects of grief to be embarrassing. A man needs encouragement to share his reactions and emotions, to explore what his pet’s death means to him, and to acknowledge how the loss affects his life.

Men often appear to be further along in the grieving process than they actually are. Even if a man appears to be all right, it is unwise to make assumptions about what he is feeling. When in doubt, ask!


HELPING A CHILD TO GRIEVE AFTER A LOSS OR DEATH

NEVER rush a child while they’re grieving, let them grieve and do what they can to release these emotions that they’re feeling. Just be patient and ready when they need to talk.

Remember, in my last post that I mentioned about that children don’t grieve after a loss or death? Well, that’s not a hundred percent, true. It’s quite the opposite.

Children and teenagers express their grief in a variety of ways. Some may be sad and verbalize the loss like many adults. Depending on their ages, however, they may show sadness only sometimes and for short periods. Children may complain of physical discomfort, such as stomachaches or headaches. Or they may express anxiety or distress about other challenges, such as school or sports.

Loss is more intense when the child had a close relationship with the person who died, such as a parent or sibling. However, this is not always obvious from a child’s reactions. A child’s grief may seem to come and go. And a child may rarely verbally express his or her grief. This is normal. Your child may also re-experience the intensity of the loss as he or she grows up. This may occur more often during certain milestones in life, such as starting school or going on a first date. Even into adulthood, important events such as graduating from college or getting married may trigger renewed grief.

Age has a large influence on childhood grief and how children understand and react to the death of a family member, friend, pet, or close adult.  It is good to know where a child is likely to fall developmentally.  This will help you to better understand how they view the loss and will help you to make age appropriate choices about language and interventions.

Of course age won’t help you to predict exactly how a child will react, other factors will have an impact as well.  Maturity, past experiences, education level, socio-economic status, what part of the world you live in, and access to support resources are merely a few of the many factors that influence us all.

Understanding how children and teens view death

It is helpful to know how children understand death at different stages of development. It varies by age and often changes as a child develops emotionally and socially. Other factors also influence children’s reactions. These can include personality, previous experiences with death, and support from family members. Keep in mind that children do not move abruptly from one stage of development to the next. And features from each stage may overlap.

It is advised that with children of any age or background you should do the following:

  1. Acknowledge their presence, their importance, their opinions, thoughts, and feelings.
  2. Be patient and open minded.  Allow them to grieve in their own way.
  3. Be available – Sit with the child, listen to them, and answer their questions.
  4. Reassure them the circumstances that led to the death were extreme and it is unlikely other adults in their lives will die any time soon (unless this is untrue).
  5. Let them know that a range of different emotions are normal.
  6. Validate their feelings and do not minimize them.
  7. Check in with other adults involved in their life – teachers, school counselors, coaches.Explain death using real words such as “died” rather than confusing phrases such as “gone to sleep.” You can say that death means the person’s body has stopped working or that the person can no longer breathe, talk, move, eat, or any of the things he or she could do when alive.
  8. Share your family’s religious or spiritual beliefs about death.
  9. Encourage your child to ask questions, and try to answer them honestly and directly. If you do not know the answer to a question, help find the answer.
  10. Use books, drawings, or role-play games to help a younger child understand death.
  11. Make sure your child understands that he or she is not to blame for the death and that the person who died is not coming back.
  12. Provide lots of affection and reassure your child often that he or she will continue to be loved and cared for.
  13. Encourage your child to talk about his or her emotions. Suggest other ways to express feelings, such as writing in a journal or drawing a picture.
  14. Without overwhelming your child, share your grief with him or her. Expressing your emotions can encourage your son or daughter to share his or her own emotions.
  15. Help your child understand that normal grief involves a range of emotions, including anger, guilt, and frustration. Explain that his or her emotions and reactions may be very different from those of adults.
  16. Reassure your child that it is normal for the pain of grief to come and go over time. Explain that they cannot always predict when they will feel sad.
  17. If your child is older, encourage him or her to talk with an adult outside the family, such as a teacher or a clergy member. You can also consider an age-specific support group.
  18. Keep routines and caregivers as consistent as possible, and continue setting limits on behavior. Care, consistency, and continuity help children feel safe.
  19. Encourage spending time with friends and engaging in other age-appropriate activities.Reassure your child that it is never disloyal to the person who died to feel happy and to have fun.

Addressing daily routine and role changes

The death of a parent or other close family member can directly affect a child’s day-to-day life. Family routines and roles change, such as a surviving parent having to return to work and spend less time at home. These changes are an added disruption and may add to a child’s distress. Even young children will benefit from extra preparation, conversations, and support around these transitions.

Although the death of a family member with cancer is painful, it may also lessen some of a child’s stress. For example, the death of a sibling might mean that a parent is not dividing time between a sick child at the hospital and another child at home. It is normal to have strong, mixed feelings, including some relief, when a family member’s suffering is over after a long or difficult illness. Help your child realize that these feelings are normal and that he or she should not feel guilty for having them.

Honoring and remembering the person who died

Children as young as age 3 understand the concept of saying goodbye. They should be allowed to choose how they say goodbye to a loved one.

  • Give preschool-age and older children the choice of attending memorial services. But do not force them to attend if they do not want to.
  • Some children may want to attend a memorial service but not a viewing or burial.
  • Allow older children and teenagers to help plan memorials if they want.
  • Talk with children about what will happen at a service ahead of time. Consider visiting the church or cemetery.
  • Ask a trusted adult to help take care of young children at a service or to go home with a child who decides he or she wants to leave early.
Give time and patience when the child is ready to talk to you about the loved one that you loss together. Never feel bad at bringing up some of the things that you remembered about your loss.

I have put together a list of typical grief responses by age.  Again, every child is different and we can’t quantify all the unique and individual qualities of your child in this list.  If your child reacts in a way that concerns you then it might be a good idea to talk things over with an expert like a pediatrician, school counselor, or child psychologist.

Infants (birth to 2 years)

  • Have no understanding of death.
  • Are aware of separation and will grieve the absence of a parent or caregiver.
  • May react to the absence of a parent or caregiver with increased crying, decreased responsiveness, and changes in eating or sleeping.
  • May keep looking or asking for a missing parent or caregiver and wait for him or her to return.
  • Are most affected by the sadness of surviving parent(s) and caregivers.

Preschool-age children (3 to 6 years)

  • Are curious about death and believe it is temporary or reversible.
  • May see death as something like sleeping. In other words, the person is dead but only in a limited way and may continue to breathe or eat after death.
  • Often feel guilty and believe that they are responsible for the death of a loved one, perhaps because they were “bad” or wished the person would “go away.”
  • May think that they can make the person who died come back if they are good enough.
  • May worry about who will take care of them and about being left behind.
  • Are very affected by the sadness of surviving family members.
  • Cannot put their feelings into words and instead react to loss through behaviors such as irritability, aggression, physical symptoms, difficulty sleeping, or regression (such as bed-wetting or thumb-sucking).

School-age children (6 to 12 years)

  • Understand that death is final.
  • May think of death as a person or a spirit, like a ghost, angel, or a skeleton.
  • By age 10, understand that death happens to everyone and cannot be avoided.
  • Are often interested in the specific details of death and what happens to the body after death.
  • May experience a range of emotions including guilt, anger, shame, anxiety, sadness, and worry about their own death.
  • Struggle to talk about their feelings. Their feelings may come out through behaviors such as school avoidance, poor performance in school, aggression, physical symptoms, withdrawal from friends, and regression.
  • May worry about who will take care of them, and will likely experience feelings of insecurity, clinginess, and abandonment.
  • May worry that they are to blame for the death.

Teenagers (13 to 18 years)

  • Have an adult understanding of the concept of death but do not have the experiences, coping skills, or behavior of an adult.
  • May act out in anger at family members or show impulsive or reckless behaviors, such as substance use, fighting in school, and sexual promiscuity.
  • May experience a wide range of emotions but not know how to handle them or not feel comfortable talking about them.
  • May question their faith or their understanding of the world.
  • May not be receptive to support from adult family members because of their need to be independent and separate from parents.
  • May cope by spending more time with friends or by withdrawing from the family to be alone.

To end this, help your child understand that the person who died lives on in his or her memory. Parents who are terminally ill sometimes leave letters, videos, or photographs to help children remember how much they were loved. Children can also compile pictures and other special items to create their own memory. For younger children, most of their knowledge of the person who died will come from memories of other family members. Talk about the person often, and remind children of how much the deceased person loved them. Over time, children can understand that they would not be who they are without the influence of the special person who died.

The problem with creating mental health and autism videos

Hi guys, as you can see reading straight off the bat about what this topic is all about and I want to be real, honest and transparent with you. As you know that it’s hard as it is going to be for me as well as most likely any other person that has their struggles to do this
to be as brave as they can be and not to fear about getting judged or misunderstood. Some of the videos that are being shared can be restricted especially
in this area of sharing our life stories and experiences with Autism and many other hosts of conditions we may have which I clearly shared one of my videos which I will link here: and with that if we are all brave enough to make a stand to talk about it
then I feel our job should be done. Let’s hope that we can agree to disagree or agree to disagree or whatever to what is to come of my points I would like
to share today on my channel.

This video will share more than what I’ve written and will hope that you all will understand it better.

If any of you really know me as a person I love to try and help people and do my darn hardest to be happy regardless to what my everyday battles/struggles are
even if I do wear them either with pride or not.

So, let’s get on with the video now.

Point number 1- Representing the whole entity of the spectrum of Autism, can it be done?

Just hoping that this makes sense to many of you or hoping you understand to what I am trying to say but I will explain this to you.

I have now come to realise that despite it all that we are all different with different needs with Autism. We can’t all represent autism as a whole as it’s a whole
new ball game as well as being a spectrum of different Autism Spectrum Conditions along with us we all have a different story and life experiences etc.
I have also realise this now too.I believe that as a person with Autism or as I keep calling myself as an Aspie. This platform
is for me to at least share my stories and experiences as well as documenting as much as I can what my life is like as an autistic for others to gain a better
understanding and knowledge about who and what I am underneath autism and a few mental health conditions I have. I believe strongly that I should be able to be
express myself without the fear of being judged, criticised by others or others telling me what to do or say or think. I am my own individual self.
I am not to be born to be the same as others. I am born to be different and to stand out. I am learning to come out of my shell than I’ve ever have and am trying to
learn to love myself again and to not be hard on myself when I do have these really bad days that are thrown at me. I have learnt alot along the way while facing these
struggles and that all I can say is that I am blessed and humble to be alive and have a few small amount of people who are there with me on my journey.
We can’t live in a world of perfectionism. You can try but I hate to say it that you will fail! Being perfect to everyone will not be easy and that we should
just be able to do what we love. I feel sometimes that whenever I do something that I tell myself, “Aspie, you got this regardless of what you been through,
you can get through your day shining brighter as a star!” I’ve come to realise that despite what others has said to me I want to speak on my terms and no one else, I
did share about this topic about this which I will link here if you wish to view what I am trying to say here. “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlBD23cHcO0&t=616s”
I have learnt now that you can’t always please everyone and if anyone does attack you for doing the things that you love, you must be doing something right, right?

As you know or should know by now that my channel is about all things Autism and Mental health along with sharing you my life stories and experiences with it.
Trying to understand the whole spectrum is impossible and difficult as we are all different and have different needs etc in our lives no matter where we are in
life. There is a lot of learning and experimenting about the spectrum and all and just listening and watching some people share their experiences with Autism- to know
that I am not alone makes it so much easier. 2
I have noticed that when I have been in groups that it’s never easy for me to try and speak the way that they want me to as we all know that we have our
different styles of communication as well as just everyday struggles. For sure, I believe that I am getting better it is just a matter of hoping
others can accept to how I am wired differently. I have also mentioned about this in my video of the future for the autistic community again I will link it here
and in the description. When we are on the spectrum, there could possibly be some similarities of the traits and characteristics that we share yet again
we need to be aware that there is never a same autistic when you meet one for the very first time. We know that there wasn’t enough advocacy for the whole
spectrum. No one or anything like some businesses can represent the whole spectrum of autism. We can’t please everyone as I learnt that when I was nearing my twenties.
I did spoke on pleasing everyone or we can’t forever be perfect for anyone. I did a poem about perfectionism which you can watch here: https://youtu.be/ixPDwl9PeMI.
I have noticed that we have to be put in a box with some expectations that others would like to see from us. I am now accepting that I can’t please everyone and what I say or do or even when I am in front of the camera with you all that I do my utmost best
to make the best content for you all to enjoy no matter what it is of a subject matter or some follow me vlogs and more. I want to be true in myself based
on my life experiences to what I’ve been through and hope to share with you all and that something that I share may shed some light and hope for you all
that you’re not alone and that I can relate to some situations we face in life but not all yet also being your listening ear or sound board for any advice.
I will do my utmost best also to represent my side of Autism of what goes on in my life as well as just other hosts of conditions that I have yet, I know that
I’ve not shown any behind the scenes footage of what goes on in my life yet I want to do what I can do for you all. I want to try and as said give back to you all as much as I can. I am really humbled and blessed to have some of you that has stood by me through the very beginning and I can’t thank you all enough. I appreciate this. I want to try and open doors of opportunities and communication on my medias where you can be safe and not be judged even if you would like to
private message me that is fine with me. Most of us autistics are now trying to open doors of acceptance more than awareness as did share my thoughts about what
we need which you can see here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPQcBVbW1pE (World Autism Awareness & Acceptance Month/What does Autistics want? ACCEPTANCE [April 2019])

2. Being able to help someone through my videos

I am grateful that there are times like these that people tell me that some things that I share of the everyday topics help them. I love hearing what you think
or even some feedback to make my content better as well for you all. I am hoping that with the other items that I enjoy. I also admire ones that shows
what we are as a person as a whole with what we share. I may not know everything about Autism and Mental Health yet we need to grow and share some interests.
I love to engage with you all about mental health and autism that’s personal. I hope that with some variety that adds a bit of fun about me?
Let me know in comments section.

3. Autism and mental health Advocacy

I do try to go to some events that is related to what I love to do and hoping that I can be really strong minded for what I love to do.
I believe that we can be an advocate in our rights. We all different for sure.
I hope that with whatever I share will learn from me and I learn from you.

I will hope to hear from you all of what you want to share based on this video that I am sharing.