Forgiveness: Forgiving Others with Set Boundaries and Limits –Message to the Readers Based on What I’ve Learnt and Still Learning Today.
Before I continue to write and share what’s on my mind and heart based on what I’ve learnt so far through my experiences and struggles, I’m not looking for sympathy or anything on this matter or regard to what I ‘ve written so far. No Way! What I’ve shared with you all with my open heart and trust is all based on my experiences throughout life of what I’ve learnt through my everyday struggles. I know that whatever has happened to me in the past needs to be forgotten. Yet, what we go through in life does tend to make us stronger and realise that there’ll always be some life lessons, or hidden messages along the way through life. Life is a teacher teaching us everything that we need to know through our everyday battles and struggles.
I may struggle sometimes, when it comes down to moving on forward, but I believe despite it all, I need to find a reasonable guy in who I can trust and always turn to no matter what I may feel or think. I just need a guy to be able to understand me as well as not a little boy that would keep complaining to me of some dramas that may come now and again.
I know that we need to move forward and to try and forgive others that may have said and done wrong to us. I’m blessed to be alive no matter what had happened, as I’ve learnt now that I’m not a victim but a victor. I’m not a loser, despite losing some values that I had learnt along the way, be it my self-confidence, self-worth, integrity and more. I’m becoming a victor, despite having to pick up all the broken pieces that were left behind, and to start over and over again. This could although, seem like a never-ending battle and cycle which I endure and go through.I’m learning to choose my battles wisely. I’ve learnt that, no matter what battles and struggles that I go through, some can’t be won or fought.
I’m trying to grasp with my whole heart, life and hands to be able to trust the unknown to what needs to be done at least in the present to make my future a better one.
Yes, I strongly believe wholeheartedly that we all have our limits to what we can and can’t handle in our everyday lives.
Yes! I strongly believe wholeheartedly that we all have our limits to what we can do in our lives as well as in the lives of others that comes in our social circle. Yet, we need to remember that we can’t push them or try to change them no matter what we’ve hoped or dreamed of, based on our high expectations. In our life and journey, we are to learn, to grow, laugh, breathe, live and more.
Sometimes, I agree that life isn’t easy and that some situations we face can be difficult, yet some people may choose the easy way out by just running away from it than to confront it or tackle it head on. I believe that, we shouldn’t live our lives in the fast lane and not take the small things for granted. Sometimes, it’s like a jigsaw puzzle that mayn’t or won’t fit one way or another, but that’s okay. We shouldn’t have to live our lives in the fast lane that we need everything given to us now and on a silver platter. There are some situations we may face and we need to endure first as everything is a test in our lives – BIG and SMALL.
Have you ever felt so much burning heat or being mad at someone for what they may’ve said and done to you that it has hardened your heart with that hate, darkness and unforgiveness that in turn will cloud your thinking, perceptions, thoughts and judgement in your everyday life? Have you ever felt mad at someone for what he or she said and did to you, that the only think you think of is revenge, at whatever cost?
Have you ever felt any negativity or a form of a grudge denying the fact that you are not the problem, yet you are and not being able to accept the responsibilities and accountabilities for your own actions and words? Have you ever felt any negativity that others around you are getting ahead in their life and you’re stuck in a rut? Have you ever felt any negativity towards them that you’ll lose them as friends and all that they’ve tried to do for you were to help you, support you or even understand you as a person?
People in our lives come and goes in a season and a reason in time. Some may test us in our lives to make or break us. Sometimes, we need to know for ourselves when it’s enough or what we need to change ourselves as we all have our breaking points. We all need to learn self-respect and more to know what we can and can’t do as well as our limitations, and allow what’s acceptable and real. Again, that’s up to us by choice.
I have learnt that, sometimes it’s okay to be on our own for a while to allow us to learn more about ourselves and to grow, to be able to love ourselves and be comfortable in our own skin before sharing our life with someone that’ll come into our lives for ever. The “Forgive and forget” rule or guideline that people say to me means; “I’m forgiving you with some set standards, boundaries and limits that are laid down between us. We all need to really accept what was in the past and what’s at present, no matter what’s happening or has happened”. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that life is a teacher. We learn from every situation we may face, either big or small. I’m the type of person that’ll give people, whoever it may be, chances, yet learning that there’ll be a time when there will be no chances left. Giving you a chance is giving you a benefit of the doubt that you’ll change, yet it’s up to you. This is all about ‘Giving and taking’ in a relationship between the two of us
Trust is like a glass; once it is broken, it’ll take longer to fix and replace. Loyalties in relationships, as well as other factors are important. Misunderstandings, selfishness and other factors, cause a lot of relationships to end.
There are a lot of reasons why this happens, yet we need to look at every angle and find the best solution to it. I hear you say or think; why should we do this? Sometimes, people in our lives will eventually show their true colours and what they are.
This will also depend on who I let in my social circle and to socialise with the right people around me. To me, now is the time to love each other, forgive each other and being patient with one another, by allowing and accepting each other’s differences. We shouldn’t be at war as we should be able to be at peace one another, as well as being at peace within ourselves. Forgiveness tends to not always erase all the emotional scars and wounds that we’re carrying or had in the past and present. Yes, I’ll admit that it may open up the old wounds and more no matter what. Yet, we need to be able to trust ourselves through everything we go through.
Some of the emotional scars can be from our deepest hurts and darkest fears and secrets that we tend to hold so close to our hearts and chest. Then, being able to go through whatever it’s going on and what’s to become in the present and the future of the unknown and uncertainties with whatever else that’s going on like guilt, regret, hate, bitterness and more. Sometimes, there are times and days that we’ll need to let go of someone or some particular situation we’re facing as we need to move forward, based on our everyday choices- good or bad. We do learn as we make mistakes now and again and not to be afraid to make them. Yet, it’s only natural as after, all I’m human. I’ll need to learn from these mistakes. It may take others a little time, but it’s not a competition as it’s about getting to the finishing line in our own time. I’m doing the best I can, not to compare myself with others around me. I need to choose my battles wisely and to discern what’s real and not real. Forgiveness to me is being able to make the first move or first step forward to accept the differences as well as to accept whatever I can and can’t change. Forgiveness is also being able to not allow anything or anyone to affect me and my future. Forgiveness isn’t holding anything against you, and taking the negativity in my thoughts and actions away, so that in the end, you would be the one left behind.
Despite what others may say or think about you, now is the time to reflect and to change it before it’s too late or if you’re willing to change for yourself as we know that no one else can do this but YOU alone.
You may think and ask why I’m doing this to you despite how you treated and spoke to me. I’m not doing this out of pity; I’m doing this out of LOVE and more.
It’ll be good if you can be a man and apologise for the wrongdoings, taking responsibility for your own actions and words towards me. Another answer to why I’m doing this towards you is to not to live in fear, doubts, confusion, guilt and other emotional scars and wounds that I may’ve been hiding and carrying.
Forgiveness to me is making that stand by choice and not allowing anything or anyone that has come into my life in the past and present to steal anything from me, big or small. Forgiveness to me, is also not allow anything or anyone to what’ll become in the future, as it’s my choice to let this happen by letting the spirit steal or rob me of my peace, joy, hope, love and faith. Forgiveness to me; isn’t having to be angry or be jealous that’ll then lead to me seeking revenge of or on someone that may’ve done something evil in the past or present. What’ll this achieve in life? NOTHING. Seeking for revenge is like a set of chains that will hold us down with of Depression and Oppression and more, yet it can be broken based on the everyday choices, actions and decisions. Everything that we say and do starts and ends with us. I’m now making a stand to be positive and being able to acknowledge the words in my vocabulary and dictionary that I can and I will. I’m the only one responsible and accountable for everything in my life, no matter what it is or to come.
Forgiveness to me is to make peace with my past and present. It’s also taught me not allow any anger, resentment or whatever is in the past and present which’ll be in the way of my future. I need to stay strong and positive in the mind and also believe that no matter what there’ll be a brighter future for me in whatever I’m doing. I’m here for a reason and a purpose as I’ll have all my dreams and desires to be in the future and I deserve to achieve in life, and to make the impossible possible.
Where am I now at present, with myself and all? That’s a very good question at the moment. How I see it that this guy I’m currently with, just wants everything on his own and that, he thinks that relationship is hard work. But, it’s not about just thinking that you’re only there for the ride. I may’ve to put this relationship status as complicated.
I don’t really know if that’s right and is for me to decide. I know that despite what I’ve been through in the past and present, I learnt that we shouldn’t have to change ourselves too much that we forget to love ourselves or to know who and what we are as a person.
I may be old-fashioned to the point, yet this is what I am. I’ve learnt after being with this guy and wanting to speak my thoughts and opinions to at least try and love and accept him for everything he is. I believe he needs to change his attitude and thoughts about a lot of things which we’ve discussed between ourselves, yet that’s again up to him. I know and believe some people don’t wish to change their ways for the fear of the unknown and that they’re too comfortable in their own settings and surroundings. I’m not trying to change him and I believe I’m fine with what and who I am. What I’ve been through in life has taught me a lot of things and I‘ll do my best to strive for success and strive for what I desire in life. I’ve learnt never change someone due to high expectations from them or painting an image of what you want, as sometimes this doesn’t happen at all. We need to work on our differences and communicate. Sometimes, it’ll be great if we can at least, compromise and sacrifice a few things along the way. I know that I’ve had many times, lost a lot of self-esteem, self-image and more. I believe that in any relationship, it’s all about give and take. I’ve seen and heard as well as based on my own experiences that some people are only there for the ride and not for the good and bad times. No, it doesn’t work that way. To me, you’re in it for either everything or nothing at all.