Rising & Defeating the Bully/Bullies

Rising & Defeating the Bully/Bullies

We all had once in our lives, been victims of bullies, and it’s unfair and unjust for us to get bullied. There are some questions that we’ll generally tend to ask ourselves, “Do we ask to get bullied?” “Do we’ve a label on our forehead to pick on us at all times?” “Is there a few labels on our forehead that we’re unaware of?”

There are many ignorant people out there that lack empathy. It really amazes and surprises me why they think it’ll be okay to pick on someone that’s different? Why do many of these ignorant folks choose to think and act this way toward others? Do they’ve anything better for them to do or say?

To me bullying is like a form of a “Hate speech” towards others and this “Hate speech” declaring to others that they’re better and smarter than them. Some people tend to think that they’ve got the power and control over everything in their lives. The question is that, is their behaviour tolerated and accepted by me or others around me? There are many different forms and types of bullying out there today than ever before. There are many different attack strategies that are used to bully others. However, there’s no end in sight apparently to these attack strategies, yet it needs to be stopped.

Bullies, to me, are cowards, and are insecure about themselves, as well as being jealous of others and think that it’s okay to bully them, especially if others around them are different. I found that I was being bullied because I was different. I feel that those that bully mayn’t have anything in their lives, and nothing to stand on. Yet, they’re losing everything in their grasp and sight. To what they’re losing; their grasp and sight would be as I said before, power and control over everything in their lives.

I’m writing as a voice to be heard and speaking from the heart, as well as seeking out a change in everything happening in our society. No matter what it is, we should be focusing on making a difference and change. Again, back to the question at hand, should this behaviour and actions towards me be accepted and tolerated? No way! I didn’t give you permission to bully me. I didn’t give you permission to label me! We all need to develop a thick skin, to be strong in ourselves.

Today, the truth and reality is that many people get away with too much and want to have power and control over everything.

The truth of it all is based on FEAR. People that fear the power of control are the ones that are avoiding love and empathy. The truth and reality here is that, fear is so strong that anyone that has it, it’ll be crippled by it. Despite that, many of us will hide away their actual feelings and emotions. We need to realize that people will attack us; no matter what their reasons behind it all. We need to ignore them and remove the fuel in the fire. I would look into the bullies’ eyes and remain calm to ask them the questions like, “What’s your problem and why are you bullying me?” If that doesn’t work, I would walk away as it takes more courage to walk away than to fight someone. I’ll look them in the eyes and think and say to me; “Enough is enough. I’m not going to accept anything like this from you anymore.” “I’m going to start loving myself more, as am worth more than this bully or bullies that are bullying me.” Also, to love others around me that deserves my love and attention. Love is a stronger force to hate and that love has power, and can conquer all things.

People on the Autism Spectrum however, will always be a threat to others being different to them. They are threats to people, because Autistics are loving and empathetic towards others around them that’ll come to them into their social circle as friends or enemies. What’s achieved in life is attaining love and power. We love ourselves to know the differences in every situation that we face and that, many of us that walk in the power of love will also be walking in truth. Knowing this as well as walking in our shoes based on our everyday experiences, is all that matters and should matter to this day. We are a threat to these bullies, and they’ll lose their battle and fight of power and control. I believe however, that the truth will prevail and stand out in the best and test of time.

Bullies will mirror themselves into you, and in reality they’re blind to see what they’re doing and saying to us is wrong. Even though they may know, they just in some ways deny it all. We need to remember that, they’re the problem not us. At that time, I kept on thinking to myself what was wrong with me, if I say something or did something wrong?

I’ve been accustomed to being bullied and threatened to a point of thinking that it was the norm to accept this sort of behaviour. I couldn’t accept it anymore, and I decided to make a stand and tell my story. I kept on hiding and lying to myself that it was okay, when in reality it wasn’t, and it was affecting everything around me and about me. I believe however that, bullies tend to prey most on the weakest and most vulnerable of their preys. I believe also, that genuine self-love and confidence can be used to help others like me. We know what’s true for us. Bullies will and can tend to bully us about our pasts. Yet, the past is not who and what we are, as the past can’t define us. It just teaches us what’s come in life and to learn from the past mistakes and more. I however, now have chosen not to be a victim, as I choose to become a victor and I’m healing slowly. My old wounds and scars sometimes do show, despite me putting on a brave face and more. I want to be a voice that’ll be heard and not just ignored. Those who allow themselves to become victims of bullying do tend to go on a path of self-harm, self-destruction, addictions and more. I pray and hope that what I’m writing will help the readers know more about me and more importantly be able to see what life’s like, for an Aspie. I would like to teach people about self-love and to embrace each other’s differences. Again as I said or wrote before, that this is all about a “Hate speech” that bullies do, and despite me drowning in all the questions and blinded to what was going on, I believe that I’m beautiful, courageous and strong. What I went through is real, and that was my reality. I decided to change and make a difference.

We need to make a stand today that enough is enough, and not to let the bullies that come in our lives to take and ruin everything. I believe that I can make a difference and a stand, the bullies. And I believe also wholeheartedly that I can and will achieve everything I want in life.

As I said earlier, I got bullied at school like any other young child. I felt that, when I read too much, I may put myself either behind or ahead of the classes that I attended, as I loved to learn and read about everything that I can get within my grasp. When you are different, you tend to think that the world is also against you in one way or another. Yet, it can be a frightening place. But if you can find some people that you can trust and rely on at that moment, everything will make sense, despite it being a scary place to be. Yes, like any other child, I did have so many questions that I felt needed to be asked and answered. Yet, I thought that it was alright just to hold myself from them. I did tend to have so many questions swimming inside my brain like a few fishes swimming in a clear river waiting to be caught by a fisherman. I felt while I was alone and being bullied sometimes, that it was good to try and stand up against these bullies and that was no exception for me when I was in high school. I was defending myself from a few people then. I wouldn’t call myself a bully nor a victim. I would call myself at that time, someone getting sick and tired of being picked on. Being different, trying to make sense of the world was hard enough for me. Trying to make sense of the world about what I was supposed to be and become in the near future.

Of all the pressures that were around me at the time, trying to fit in and trying to be popular or some other labels on me were hard enough. Little did I know while growing up that, having these labels wasn’t for me and that, it damaged my self-esteem and self-confidence. This will be the same for most girls and young woman growing up. No child should be bullied or become a victim to this and many more of indifferences that occur in the world today.

We need to know who and what we are today in our society, as what we are today can play an important part someone’s life. No matter what dreams, goals and aspirations that we’ve got, the giants will always attack us one way or another. Instead of saying to ourselves, “Why me?” Say “Challenge me.” To the bullies that come to us and bully us, try not show anger, bitterness or hate. Instead, do the opposite effect of the “Ripple Effect.” This Means; to show that you care and love the bullies. Yes, I’m hearing you all say; “Easier said than done.”

Yet, once you do start forgiving them, you’ll feel a lot better within yourself and have inner peace, inner strength and inner hope. You’ll also have inner peace about your past and present. You’ll then therefore, be ready for your future, or whatever it is that life will offer you.

 

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Stop! It’s not Okay & is Never Okay– Structural Bullying in Autistics

Stop! It’s not Okay & is Never Okay– Structural Bullying in Autistics

“Don’t do this! Don’t do that! This isn’t the way to go! It’s never okay.” You’ll hear people saying this in ways of trying to stop bullies bullying others and to make them stop, to make them aware that they’re hurting others. Bullies tend to bully others for a lot of reasons. However, it still doesn’t give them a right, invitation, validation, reason or excuse to pick on the weak and vulnerable ones or even as they call us, victims. Every child will one day in their life get bullied and dread going to school to learn because of falling in the arms of the bully somehow as his or her target or prey. Bullying doesn’t always happen in schools. It can happen almost anywhere; like in the park or even at work for older people.

It has been on my mind and heart to share with you, my inner thoughts about this topic, as well as some other topics I’ve written in my  book as well as my videos; to take you on a journey and to open your eyes. Also, to tell you that, what some of us go through isn’t okay, yet there are determining factors on how we’ll solve the problem and how we will conquer it. I believe this topic and many more that I’ve written and shared needs to be addressed and need to be heard, or even to be solved one way or another. Yet, I see and hear that not many people are willing to make the first move into the step of change. I find it really sad that, with some of the situations going on in some people’s lives, people tend to pick on them and make it even worse for them.

Although, a change movement is coming, it’s however slow. Yet, sometimes people fear change, or people just don’t want to become unpopular, or whatever title or status that they had. There are some people who haven’t been acknowledged. They’re the ones that are making a stand or they may’ve made a stand and that they’ve given up. It’ll take more than just one person to make the stand and make a difference in this world today, and that sometimes, the voices of those that make a stand aren’t heard at all.

Structural violence that leads to bullying may occur at any stage or age in our lives. Yet, what we do about it is the key. Do we wish to use our voice to be heard, or do we just want to sit here in silence and wait? We need to answer this question and more that needs to be answered. I feel that we shouldn’t have to sit there in silence and alone while all this is going on.

Many people with Aspergers Syndrome or anyone for that matter that’s different will tend to get bullied like I was, for being different and new to school, and getting used to my surroundings. As I wrote before, my parents, I alongside with my sister, moved a lot for our own personal reasons.

I want to share this right now: Structural violence has a real subtle way of showing or presenting itself. Despite our high intelligence level as Aspies, there’ll be some people who’ll try to tear us down in any way that they can.

Do we wish to go down to their level and attack them in the same way that they’re giving us?

Many of us Aspies, are usually happy, bright, cheerful, joyful and many more characteristic traits; as well as we’re usually most of the time, positive to what’s happening or is about to happen some of us. This and more that you’ve read so far of my journey, about my personal struggles are still a struggle. But not as much, as I’ve found some solutions and the courage to stand up and do what I feel is right, and to use my voice and choose not to be a victim or slave to some of the personal struggles that I’ve shared with you all.

These bullies or I’ll call them “Haters” that I was facing back then, wanted to knock me down based on their own personal struggles, insecurities, jealousy, hate and more. Some of the haters come in our social circle for a reason and may feel threatened because of us being different. They also are feeling insecure of themselves, as they’re losing control. Many of these haters try to be in control of everything that’s in their lives, yet their world is crashing down for whatever their reasons are. Whatever the reasons of the situations that they’re facing, doesn’t give them any authority to attack us in anyway or form. I find that some of the haters right now mayn’t be able to cope with whatever situation that arise in their life. For example, if their parents are at each other’s throats arguing, throwing fists and more, these haters may think that they’ve got the right and power to do the same as they’ve seen it in their own lives. This is how they may’ve coped most of their lives, and may think it’s the only way and answer for all of this.

It’s up to us in how we’re going to respond and act towards these haters no matter where or when it happens to us. Do we want to fight back so that they can gain the glory and attention from us, to obtain what they so desire and crave for? I’ll make this clear once again, that we shouldn’t have to excuse their behaviours and actions towards us and also to accept this behaviour and attitude. As we know, the scars and wounds are left behind, for us that have been bullied, are real. Yes, I do have flashbacks and nightmares of the times when I was bullied. Till today, I still do; but I then decided to become a victor and not a victim towards these bullies or haters, no matter what they’re doing to us; be it using their fists, words or cussing. All these are forms of abuse and violence. I’ve tolerated it for quite some time in the past, and thought as many victims would to be acceptable.

At the time, when I was a victim, so many questions and thoughts started to cloud my perception and judgment of life about whom and what I was. I felt real dirty and inadequate back then. Questions that I had were something like this; “Am I good enough? Why are they picking on me?” “Am I strong enough to get through this?” “What if I don’t make it?” “Am I just going to let them win?” These and many more were the questions that I had. I’m writing this; so that the bullies will know the pain that we all go through.

While being bullied, the haters or bullies will think in their own mind that they’ve got full control and power that they’ll in turn think of us as nothing. To me, I once believed that. But today, I’m here right now, making a stand and using my voice to share my story, believing wholeheartedly that I’m a victor, winner and a success. This is my story and without me making my stand, I wouldn’t be here today. I believe strongly that whatever we go through that it makes us stronger, wiser and smarter. Sometimes, the bullies or haters will attack us one way or another as they want to be in control at all times. Sometimes, many people today want to be in control of power, money, titles, statuses and more to gain these.

Structural violence; while I’m writing this down is defined as, “A systematic way in a social structure that harms or will cause harm or disadvantage an individual.” This is however really subtle and invisible, as sometimes may’ve no specific person who can or will be held responsible. Structural and behavioural violence I do believe, intertwine with each other. I also believe so strongly that there’s structural violence towards an Autistic person or anyone else that’s different, no matter what he/she does. It’s not okay and is never going to be okay to bully someone else that’s different.

Yes, we may communicate differently, we think differently and act differently and most of these can be invisible. We also have daily struggles and challenges that we face like you, and that most of the time, we’ll go about a different way to deal with it or to solve that problem. Everyone is different and has their own daily struggles, yet some struggles are real and may last longer than others for some.

We all have amazing strengths and courage than some people we meet and face in our social circle, and they’ll then feel threatened or intimidated or whatever the reason may be, that again may lead them to bullying us despite. Nobody asked to be bullied. Nobody has a label that says, “Pick on me” at all times. I believe that we all should be able to be loved, feel loved, accepted, wanted, acknowledged and more. Yes, we do act differently and sometimes, we express our feelings and emotions differently as Aspies. Sometimes, when we do express our feelings and emotions, we feel we’re being challenged and asked, “Why do it that way when you can do it this way?’ When we’ve got our own struggles sometimes, the bullies then in turn isolate us, and we’re left to face it alone. When it comes to being bullied, the victims are labelled as attention seekers or just crying-out wolves, or that we deserve everything that comes our way no matter what that is. Yet in reality, if you were to understand this we’re not; we just need help and support.

There are however many different types and forms of Autism. We’re like you all, trying to make sense of the world, trying to fit in and understand how the world works and many more. Many people may not believe we are Autistic, or that we have Aspergers Syndrome.

Sometimes, it’s up to us if we want to tell them or not that we’re Autistic or have Aspergers Syndrome. I believe strongly that, no matter where we are in life, we should be able to feel confident and strong enough to share with the people we’re with, that we’re alike. For example, if we were to be working or were going for our first job, at the end of an interview process you can discuss it. I’m sure to share with others that, I have Aspergers Syndrome and tell them how I work.

People may have their beliefs to what Aspergers Syndrome really is yet if they’re open-minded and willing to accept our differences, then that’ll definitely go a long way in the future. Being different can be challenging and exciting with other mixed emotions. Yet, I feel that being different isn’t a curse, it’s a blessing. Being different to me means that despite how I may speak and act or even think, I’ve got the tendency to change and accept any changes needed for me to grow more as a person.

I believe that we Aspies are special, strong, unique, yet sensitive. We don’t deserve to be bullied and treated in this way like any of us don’t. I feel that you’re trying to give us some sort of punishment, we don’t deserve or need. We Aspies have pure hearts and many people who had known me or have gotten to know me in my social circle can see this in me as a person. I’m loyal, kind, forgiving, empathetic and more. You may think Aspies may lack empathy. This could be wrong as most of us Aspies are great with people, having communication skills, yet aren’t given the chance to prove and show who and what we are. I also believe that, we shouldn’t have to prove to others around us who and what we are, as we should automatically be accepted and more like anyone of you so desire and crave for. Sometimes, I feel that we’re over-empathetic people and that we give too much to people regardless who and what they are, and some may say that our bullies don’t deserve what we give back as the opposite effect.

I want to strongly encourage others like me to share their stories, once that they can find the courage to do so, so that they can be heard and listened to one day. I’m praying and hoping for a change and that’s happening at the moment. I believe if we do share our stories, it’ll be therapeutic and re-assuring for others in what happens in our lives. I believe that, no matter what we been through, we all have a story to share and that we’re all victors and successes now, and that we’ll get ahead in our lives based on our attitudes and decisions that we make.

I believe that we need to make a stand, and bring forth everyday topics that need to be addressed and listen to. In the Autistic Community of the social media site, Facebook, many have addressed on my page, some concerns or their problems and would like people or anyone out there to support them, like anyone of us will need support once in a while. Despite it all, many people are good at hiding their problems and just be in denial, or leave their problems to a point where everything else will go wrong. What I need to address here also, that there are mental health issues that we Aspies do suffer too. Girls and young women with Aspergers Syndrome find it hard to act and look normal, despite having an Autistic brain. I’ve had a few people that have higher expectations of me to act and think differently, and not to try and be myself. I feel that I shouldn’t have to act like someone that I’m not. As I wrote before, that it’s not and never okay to bully anyone that’s different. We shouldn’t all have to be put on the shelf, or get told to shut up and buck up our ideas or thoughts etc. We need to be heard and treated the same way as everyone else. Like a saying goes: “Treat others the way you wish to be treated.” We need to be strong and brave in anything that we face, or come our way now or in the future. I believe that NOW is the time to act and do something about this.