DEAR PAST LIFE
DISCLAIMER/TRIGGER WARNING: This writing was when I was in my darkest moments in my past while I was struggling with some personal issues. I am no medical doctor, I am just you’re normal Jo Blogs and that if you see anything that is out of the ordinary and see any of the warning signs of late to what I may have shared in my past videos on my channel – (link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWKw1HpNsu_EyAhhEJrayyw) seek professional help for yourself or your loved one or even seek medical advice for yourself or your loved one as I don’t forever condone self-harm.
Now, let’s begin my poem.
Hello past life,
How we have now met again and you are turning up out of the blue,
Turning up out of the blue and unexpectedly and without heed warning,
You won’t forever give a clue to come and visit me,
Visit me when I’m on my all-time low or on my bad days,
Is there a time you can go away and not be a mystery stray,
Are you visiting me to stay or eventually go away?
You come into my life to taunt, haunt and tease me,
Along with that you come into my life and make yourself at home by creating doubts, confusion along with the unanswered questions,
Having to keep on seeking but no matter what or how hard I try,
You came in to cause so much pain, havoc and hell,
Only then and there, time will tell,
Now is the time to tell me why,
Why I have to suffer so much in silence and being in so much pain?
Why do you go and make me so crazy and so insane?
Why now you decided to give me the emotional scars?
Why do you hurt me so much?
Why now that I feel so out of reach, sight, and out of touch?
Why did you take away and suck out all the joy and happiness?
Why did you become the thief of the night to steal the things that I loved and cared the most?
There’s seems to be no end in sight and I am at a lost!
Why did you steal the people that I cared so deeply that you leave me internally bleeding?
Did I say or did something wrong to deserve all this?
You were dressed in a disguise or even a mask and that makes it more deceiving!
Seeing as they say seeing is believing!
Why to the point you came in to destroy me?
And let me live to be normal and to be free.
Why make me suffer every day?
Please stay clear away
and let me be!
Do I really deserve this torture and pain?
Do you like seeing and driving me insane?
To the point that it burns me deep and leaves emotional scars.
I’m now at a loss,
Now you’re deciding to have a party inside of my head,
I don’t know what to do now,
Somehow, you’re taking me places I don’t know,
Places of the unknown and that are so unfamiliar.
All I want to do is scream and shout,
Yet there’s no words coming out.
I want to pull out my hair
I don’t want to live anymore and to not live in fear
I don’t understand why you’re doing this to me now- why now?
I don’t know for how long I’ll be able to hold on,
I don’t know how long I can be strong
I am now closing my grey eyes and start to breathe,
Pretending not to be forever seen for a time.
I feel safe and secure
I am and I will change for my better and brighter future
Nothing and no-one will forever hurt or harm me,
I can be just ME
I was a little girl that’s carrying the whole world
I’m drowning and suffocating
This is so unreal and unbelievably as well as undeniably toxic
But today is the day that I am going to seize the moment and day,
To break the chains and break free,
To be me,
Left and being alone
Today, I’ll make my own life and song,
Time to move on and be strong.