I know that there are times when in our lives that we try to do what we can to hide our pain, fears and darkest secrets so that no one in this world need to know what is going on or even how we are really feeling. You fear that you may get judged or criticised for what you know in your heart is right and then the world is telling you that you’re going the wrong way. You know that in your heart that you are craving for something that you wanted for so long – no matter what it maybe. Maybe you’re looking for love. Maybe you’re looking for respect. Maybe you’re looking for forgiveness. Maybe you’re looking for hope. No matter what it is that you feel that you’re losing a never-ending battle for what you want. No matter what you feel that you’re not going to be able to come out of your shell ever again to what you want to see the world in a different light. I have found this to be true with me! Many times, I have felt this way myself, believe you me. I know that no matter what was said to you that you felt you were living in a dream. You felt that you were maybe living in a darkest moment of a nightmare and felt that no one would hear you or even care about you enough hence you gave up on what you thought you knew in your own life/world. I have tried to connect in many ways myself and that no matter what that people may say to me it is all in my head. People may say that I am only lying to myself and to them to how I feel. They’re not me! I know what my reality is! I know that despite the pain and everything that I have felt for so long that I need to find an escape. I need to find a place where I can feel safe and secure. A place that I can call home or even a security blanket that can wrap me up warm. I know that I don’t need to validate my feelings or even share what is on my mind as some part of my world is suffocating me right now in spirit! Yes people may think I am a drama queen. Many people may think that I am crazy. I am just doing what I feel is right for me and no one can do it for me only ME. I am the one that is in control of my thoughts, feelings and emotions. I know that there will be a time that maybe I need to let go of what I once knew or what was once was. Letting go of some of the baggage or even some of the thoughts that I try not to think of is a MUST. Letting go. Need to be free from the pain and everything that didn’t belong to me..
Goodbye 2017 Hello 2018/2017 Rewind
I know that this one is really late of my entry yet I had to take the time out to reflect onto what is it I need for me- just me! I have been obviously in past few years looking out for others interests and that now I need to be sure that I am looking after myself.
I did a video based on a montage of what my year was like for me in 2017 to give you all an inside look to my life of what it can be like. I do have my good and bad days like you all. I try to take the bad and make it into something real and positive.
To watch it, the link is: https://youtu.be/uSE8nICUic0.
There’s nothing more beautiful than just the way how nature shows and graces its appearance and beauty in all its beauty and form. While it sleeps and chooses to grow throughout every season continues to smell the fragrant air, hearing the birds and sounds of nature in amongst it all.
There’s nothing more wonderful than as we walk along the cold and smooth sand as the waves comes rushing at our feet while in time of the tides of change as well as seasons of change comes thereafter a change that takes place in us. Yet, as we know that the sea doesn’t forever change as the sea awakens and returns to us once more to us in hands of love, peace, hope, sleep and serenity. As well as my empty and broken soul upon your swift lips.
It’s quite funny and imaginable yet in reality that we were or once lived in the past and keep on being alive and yet was trapped, I am now alive and free to live in the now. Living in the moment-our moment to conquer, our moment to breathe, our moment to shine, our moment to fight, our moment to rise, our moment to fall, our moment to succeed, our moment to fail.
Now, you’re alive and breathing, you’re living in the NOW. Now as in your souls, spirits and minds. Not letting the mind control you. Take a real deep think or look around at this time last year as you’ve come this far in your journey of life and doing better than you ever were and could have done possible. Yes, you may have had some doubts about what you can do and can accomplish but besides all of the odds you still achieved it. It wasn’t about YOU. It was your turn to lean on someone in whom you trust and believed in and you’ve proven time and time again you’re not a little child or a little girl anymore. You’ve proven that you’re grown up and mature and that you’re grown into a young woman of who you want to be and how you want to be. In saying this, that you’re learning from your past mistakes and learning to let go of what was and never can and would be- letting go of some of the expectations that has been put on you – learning to stand up again when you’ve fallen- Learning to forever be patient in what’s to come. The fog and dark clouds of self doubt that was whispering in my ear of the pure white lies for who and what I am but do I choose to listen? Do I choose to invite them in my life ? The thing that is most wanted from many of us is wanting to be cured or fixed but do we want to be? Yet, the truth is I’m all that I’m becoming – A young woman that’s more aware and alert of the changes in and around me and to accept any changes and challenges that lies ahead.
No turning back now- Time to move forward and strive for my greatness.