To the many friends who has left me because of my Mental Illness

To the many friends who has left me because of my Mental Illness

I am going to be real and transparent to you all who maybe reading this right now and if need be to expose almost everything out of the dark skeleton closet. This letter I’m reading/writing to you all who is reading this is one of the many that are the hardest to write to date to really expose my thoughts and feelings. Yes, I’ll admit to you all that sometimes I can be a pain in the arse or whatever yet it’s not fair or even good to even try to label me with everything under the sun. Why? Because that will just strip me from everything that I have been working myself on and that I also have hear them all before and I am doing best to be the best I can be for ME. Yet, let me tell you that these labels doesn’t deserve to be put on me as they should be put on the books or even on glass jars.

I know that there will be people that will come and go in our life for a time, reason, season and a purpose. May be they are there to expose us, to tear us down, to build us up. Yet, whatever the reason- or terms of events of some situations that we do personally struggle and go through in life of what we may face and what we go through will sure as hell test us who’s real and who’s going to be there as well as having our backs right to the end of tim. This can be a test also based on TRUST. Trust for me has always been hard for me to remain as to whatever it may be that the quote I lived by is this: “Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair.” I do find it hard sometimes to trust people in my circle, so if you come in and then I start to open up to you my worst and dark fears along with secrets. Congratulations. I am now entrusting you with my life to trust you for whatever I share with you will remain between us til that time comes if need to reveal or share it to the world.

As I write this to you all and while you are reading this – I want to say this from the bottom of my heart thank you. That is the truth that is all I can do right now just to thank you. I want to say thank you for being a part of my life when you did decide to come in and be there for a time, season, purpose or reason. I want to say again thank you for leaving me and making me a stronger younger woman despite it being a real and scary as well as an emotional rollercoaster. I have now opened up my eyes wider and to see deeper to realise that all of this has to be done for me and me only. MY CHOICE ALONE NOT YOURS. I have now opened up my eyes wider and to see deeper to realise that this step I am making for change is for me to get better in myself in all areas – mentally, physically and spiritually.

Yes I’ll admit again that this can be the hardest decision you and I will ever have to make to date while having a mental illness to constantly seeing people that walk in and out of your life but at the same time this gives you and I a chance and opportunity to reevaluate and think about our relationships. If you were not ready and able to handle me now at my worst then you’re sure as hell not ready or so don’t deserve to be there at my best.

I want you to know while I sit and write/read this to you that mental illness is real and it’s not fake. You may or could get or have some type too. But, let me tell you that brains like any other organs we have are beautiful and that they’re responsible for so many tasks to do. And like any other organisation of the body or system – they can and will get sick. The fact is about our minds that it too becomes sick yet it takes years to notice before it starts to manifest into something else. When it does finally arrive and come knocking at our door to make its presence known, you might be able to minimise the pain for a short period of time or a short while without anyone noticing as we try to hide it as best as we can and not to show how and what it feels like but after holding or suppressing it for so long, it comes back like karma and a boomerang that keeps on returning and never leaves.

 

Too people around you- it’s like a quick and sudden change of moods, thoughts and attitudes all in a quick 360 in a short period of time and space. But in fact, it has been there all along- just real slowly and deeply stabbing you like a sharp dagger.

 

At some point in your llife- depression can and get so bad to the point where we just want to stay in bed due to the lack of motivation and energy that has been drained out of us or even to the point where it comes when we brush our teeth it becomes a choice and not a chore or part of a routine. Eating our meals of the good three times a day routine is nearly impossible and can go out the window as well as keeping up with homework/schoolwork or just general work that we do everyday can be and will be or become a challenge. Maintaining friendships is also a difficult task. I expect you to understand how I feel some days after to what I have been sharing pen to paper or in this case keyboard to screen or even just by watching some of my videos to share my life story.But, all I can do again is hope since you may not have experienced mental illness then again maybe you have but at some point in my life just being there for me can be more than enough as well as important as in talking to me and keeping in touch with me everyday. A call or a text message will be greatly appreciated as you took the time out of your day to see how I am and what I am doing.
What I do know and understand is this- in how hard it is not to have people in your life that you can turn to or to reach out to that you thought you were your best friends, confidant and more. You thought that you could seek out and just talk to them. What I do know and understand is that any mental illness of any kind doesn’t or can’t define me. What I do know and understand is that I will not invalidate myself just because of my mental illness or beat myself up if I have already lost a few friends along the way or even try to cry myself to sleep or worry about it. I believe I shall and will become better- I shall and will win the little accomplishments that I have made I should be forever grateful for of what I do everyday- Just being able to be in the moment. To breathe, live, love, laugh, dance and sing along with any other activities I love to do to build me up and look deep down to find out who and what is the real me.I shall and will keep practicing or continue to practice self-love and self-care. I shall and will seek help when I’m ready and when I need it. I wont let this stigma of mental illness win.

 

Aspie 🙂

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GOODBYE 2016- HELLO 2017

GOODBYE 2016- HELLO 2017

I know that this is a late entry to share with you all on what I have been thinking as the year of 2016 is now over and that we should be looking into the changes needing to be done in 2017. Changes as in like maybe resolutions that has been fulfilled and achieved yet. I know for me that there is a lot of changes that has been happening for a long time and that it is a matter of just sitting down most of the time to relax, reflect and rewind.

What 2016 and many past years has taught me so much especially through all my difficult and trialling times as some of you will know what I have been through of late and that in saying that it has taught me so much more as I grow as a person- spiritually, mentally and physically. As we all grow that yes life has it’s lessons to teach us through our hardships as well as the times that we are winning. Believe you me- I have had a lot of setbacks/throwbacks from all shapes,sizes and forms. Yet, life is all about accepting what is and what isn’t along with appreciating with what we have got in our lives by counting our blessings as well as seeing what we have got is well worth it.Don’t get me wrong –  I still make mistakes now and then like any one of you- yet at this point of time I don’t need to be reminded of some attitudes that you think or beliefs that you think that needs to be changed as my own spiritual and personal growth is for me to decide what needs to go and what needs to stay.. As saying goes- time for throwing away some old trash etc.

I am still learning some of the most precious life values and morals to this day but I still have them inside of me.
I have now started to not be too hard on myself yet that is the hard part as always have done to strive for success and perfection. Yet, there’s no such thing as perfection right? How would I define perfection is the action or process of improving something until it is faultless. Yet, I believe to this day that I am still a working progress in myself with God’s Hands moulding and shaping me to be the right and perfect woman for the guy that will come into my life and show me more than what I know and never thought of dreaming it to be real.

I am now starting to also beside not being hard on myself but to keep trying to learn to love myself and be at peace within myself. Yes, this sure as hell has been a hard one for me yet I am getting better with a lot more practice. Self love like anything will come over time. Sure I still have my bad days but I still try to take it one day at a time and to accept myself. In the “Five Languages of Love.” by Gary Chapman- He himself shares with the readers about how to give and recieve love and they are as follows:

1. Words of Affirmation: Think Self-Love

*Practice daily affirmations. Our thoughts precede our emotions and behaviors.
*Recite mantras that encourage self-compassion. Bring your attention to being good to yourself.
*Journal your strengths and everything about you for which you are grateful. Document everything you accomplish, feel good about, do right, like about yourself, etc.
*Keep your self-talk positive. Turn down the volume of your inner critic and choose to be your best coach or cheerleader.

2. Acts of Service: Do Self-Love

*Prepare healthy meals for yourself. Put thought and effort into grocery shopping and meal preparation.
*Create an organized, clean and aesthetically pleasing home environment for yourself. Love where you live, even if on a budget.
*Schedule regular physical, dental and mental health check-ups. Address any health concerns in a timely manner if they arise. Without your health, you have nothing.
*Groom yourself with love and care. Put yourself together so that you feel like the beautiful person that you are.

3. Receiving Gifts: Absorb Self-Love

*Buy only what you love. Don’t allow things in your home and closet that don’t bring you positive vibrations. (While you’re at it, purge that which does not bring you joy.)
*Gift yourself with an experience on your bucket list. Always wanted to sky dive or go whitewater rafting? Budget it out and plan it. Enlist the help and support of friends as needed.
*Invest in your education and advancement. Want to pursue a higher degree? Take a cooking class? Learn how to be a yoga instructor? Do the research, apply for grants and scholarships, volunteer to learn new skills. Gift yourself with knowledge.
*Treat yourself to the wisdom and perspective gained from travel. Limited funds? Consider volunteer or service work or pooling together resources with friends and traveling on the cheap.

4. Quality Time: Be Present with Self-Love

*Set aside time for daily mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. These devotions will help you connect with your highest self.
*Make time for leisure and hobbies. Time for play and enjoyment is an important aspect of celebrating the gift of life.
*Prioritize sleep and exercise. You must reboot and revitalize your physical being.
*Do not over-schedule, over-book or over-commit. Your life is worth more than being a gerbil on a wheel…

5. Physical Touch: Feel Self-Love

*Stretch your muscles and give yourself a massage with a foam roller. Relax into your body.
*Release toxins by taking a hot bath with epsom salts. Release the stress and soak in the love.
*Moisturize your skin with lotions or oils. As you touch your skin, thank each body part for all it does for you.
*Give yourself a spa treatment: manicure, pedicure, facial, deep conditioning treatment, etc. Know you are worth extraordinary care.

Self-love is a journey for all of us. It takes dedication, devotion, and practice.  We need to resolve to love ourselves each and every day and watch our best self blossom and your greatest life unfold! Self-love is an exponential force.This is what I am trying to do with myself in some parts to what is shared in the process of self-love. 

 

Next one I admit is still a bit of struggle and that is patience. Yes every one does have their strengths and weaknesses to whatever it is that they are doing and that for sure is me. I have been impatient for some things to happen in my life for the better and for the good. I always tend to challenge and question myself to why is this happening to me? When will the __________________ stop? and so many more questions that does go around my head. But, I have now learnt that sometimes in all good time I shall receive my reward. It is all about time and more.

Friendship. Now, again one of my many struggles is trying to keep maintaining some friends in my circle yet again, there’s not many in my circle anymore. I have come to realise as we grow older and wiser that sometimes most of the time to what we go through will test us to see who will remain there. Yet, for whatever reason to why I have lost a lot of friends along the way that is fine by me as I know that there are always situations that will change regardless of all this. I know also to what I am going to say will be more said based on my next entry is that with my mental health I know that they have left me and sometimes it can be so lonely and dark without having people around me since I am the kind of girl that tries to strive to at least have her self independence. I also want to at this time to thank the ones that has come and gone in my life as this has taught me so many things. I am not going to be forever bitter towards the ones that has been gone for a while now. I made a choice to some parts to know who I should keep in my circle and who not to keep. The ones that will uplift me and support me. I only have a few people that I do contact on Facebook and other social media sites now and again that I could call acquaintances or friends as I have met some in person. Yet, in saying this however that I feel more at ease just to try and talk in front of the camera or even just to sit and write like I am doing now.

Forgiveness and letting go- This one did take forever to learn yet now I am starting to not show any signs of bitterness and hate towards people in my life as well as just letting go of some situations that was holding me back and not even bringing me any good fruit. I know that there will still be times that I will have my bad days and good days – yet it is how I will approach it.

Controlling my feelings and emotions- Now this is sure as hell the hardest one of the lot. Despite that majority of the time, I believe that I am a strong person and that I don’t show that much emotions yet there is a breaking point for us all. I do believe that I may sometimes let it slip for a time too despite my little meltdowns and how I control all these is again by choice -UP TO ME. No one else. I still learning this sometimes. Especially when it comes down to it I am now trying to learn to speak up and out about somethings that are unjust and unfair. Then, somedays I will get slapped on the knuckles (*figuratively speaking).

So, much more to share yet that is fine by me as this is some of the areas I would like to share with you all for now.

Aspie.

 

Never Judge a book by its cover

Never judge a book by its cover

Never judge a book by its cover because you don’t know what lies within its pages. No matter how good or bad its cover may appear, you have no idea what that book has been through. Many books have been misjudged just because the cover wasn’t appealing. But if you would’ve opened it up and read a few of its pages, you would have realized this has wisdom, knowledge and was put together with care, and a lot of time and patience was put into constructing this book. Still many continue to choose their books based on the way the cover looks. Once they’ve purchased this book and opened it up, its pages are filled with useless words and meaningless expressions. It’s not a book they would normally read or want to read, yet alone recommend to anybody else. Now this book just sits on the shelves with all the other books with cool covers, while the book that didn’t appear to be any good, is being passed around for all those willing and wanting to read this book that is filled with so much wisdom. As the Bible says “Don’t judge others unless you want to be judged.” Because you never know what that person has been through, where that person has been, what that person has seen, or what is in that person’s heart based on appearance, until you have taken the time to get to know that person. Unfortunately, you just might walk past a person who could make a difference in your life! Never judge a book by its cover! –

Accountability

Accountability

No matter how hard it is in life we need to realise that we are the ones that are fully responsible and accountable for our own thoughts, feelings and actions. We can’t blame any girl that we may have got in our lives as we’re not the ones as a job to make you happy as we are all in charge of our happiness, future and destiny.
Never blame your wife/girlfriend or friends if you get frustrated, angry etc at her as the only reason behind this is that there’s something that’s triggering inside of you and only YOU. They’re your emotions and responsibility. When you feel these feelings take time to get present with them and to look within yourself and admit that something is wrong and ask yourself that it’s only YOU can heal yourself and you’re attracted to this woman for a reason and that reason alone is because she’s best suited to trigger all your childhood wounds, scars and emotions as she knows what pain is as she endures it more than we realise. She’s there for a reason and that reason also is to be there so that you can get healed from them if you choose to get healed. When you’re healed within yourself and no longer triggered by this then you’ll begin to wonder why you over them in the first place. FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying all the weight of the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM and CHOICE.

When you…

When you….

When you’re down and things are getting hard and tough for you don’t push away the people that matters to you most in life like your friends and families cause the more you push them away it will be too late and you’ll lose them for good. Families most importantly come first no matter what happens in life through the good and the bad as they need to stick with us. Some families can choose to stick with us or just go and leave us to fend for ourselves. Tonight I have realised that the ones you need the most is the friends and families you’re closest to. They’ve been there for you no matter how hard and tough the situation is. They never leave your side. You never know a good friend till you lose them and realised they are gone and it’s too late. We need to stay strong for the ones that are needed regardless of our situation; this will test us for our way of life through the good and the bad… Reach out to the people who loves you and who you love because you’ll never know but one day just one day they might surprise you.

Emotional Baggage- TIME TO LET GO AND LET GOD

Emotional Baggage- TIME TO LET GO AND LET GOD

 

Today, in this world that we live in right now that there will be alot of pressures in life as well as also dealing with our own personal struggles. You see that everyday we tend to carry something with us be it emotionally, spiritually and physically. Yet, at the end of the day, again this is our choice into do we really want to carry this burden for life or do we wish to let go?

Emotional baggage is an everyday expression or saying  that correlates with many people around the world today; as it generally or usually  relates to any of  unresolved issues or matters  that people are carrying around from year to year without resolution that you have allowed to fester, build up til breaking point and become a part of your everyday life and  then it changes you to who you really are and what you really are as a person

 

Emotional baggage is a state of mind/being in which you refuse or choose not to let things go and move on or forward for the improvement and advancement of your life, and not to focus on where you’ve come from or you’ve been.

 

If you’re depressed, guilty, angry, fearful,  or any other hang-ups that’s hindering you, stopping you, holding you back. This will mean that you may be in an emotional state that stemmed from something that happened to you in the past. Nine times out of ten, that’s an implication that you are carrying around emotional baggage; which can soon become a hindrance to your personal growth/development – spiritually, mentally and physically and this  can be detrimental to your health, life and the people who are around you.

As a metaphorical image, it is that of carrying all the disappointments, wrongs, and trauma of the past, around just in one heavy load.

In our adult life or as we become an adult, emotional baggage comes in two main forms.

  • First of the two is that there are the often negative expectations created by previous relationships, perhaps of an abusive nature – a kind of bondage to the past that can contaminate new and potentially more positive interactions.

The second type is of  the memories that we hold onto and that is  contributing to the adult emotional baggage  that are recurrent bringing-up of the history of the current relationship, with the result that the  minor problems in the present become overloaded by negative currents from earlier times which cannot be resolved or set aside for the good.

 

Behind every adult problems, however, there may and usually will  be  some deeper forms of emotional baggage that has been stemmed and  rooted in the experiences of childhood, but continuing to trouble personality and behavior within the adult.

 

  • Men and women may be unable to leave the pain of childhood behind, and look to their partners to fix this, rather than to address more adult concerns.
  • Cultural and parental expectations, and patterns of behavior drawn from the family of origin and still unconsciously carried around, will impact on a new marriage in ways neither partner may be aware of.

Similarly, as parents, both sexes may find their own childhood pasts hampering their efforts at more constructive child-rearing, whether they repeat, or seek to overcompensate for, parental patterns of the past.
We all need to check our emotional baggage once in a while to check if we do have any. So, check your baggage, luggage, knapsack or whatever else that you are carrying right now.

The funny thing is that we don’t think we have any baggage at all but let’s be real that we may do and that we need to deal with it somehow!

 

I can hear people now and thinking as well as saying to themselves this!!

 

“Did she say check my baggage; I ain’t got no baggage to check; maybe she need to check her own baggage!” LOL!!! “Ain’t Got None!” We all got  some form of baggage, some a bit more than others, but we all got it. We seem to think that it’s always… “It’s them, not me. It’s their fault, this relationship didn’t work out.”

 

Have you ever just considered the fact, that it might just be you and not them? While am writing this and that you are reading this that for sure I am just as guilty right now as I did have a lot of baggage in my life and that I thought that it isn’t possible to get through it all and to let go.

 

Then you wonder why he/she stop calling!

 

It wasn’t the fact that your eyebrows where drawn on too thick, or the fact that your eyelashes looked like spiders and/or the fact that your weave frizzed up at the sight of water and was weighing you down because it was 32 inches long.

 

NO! The reason why he stop calling and what is really weighing you down, is all that emotional baggage, you’re carrying around.

 

And just so I’m clear; right now, I’m talking to my Ladies, I’ll get to the men shortly! But Ladies, I’m talking to you right now, because I understand how you feel and what you are going through as been there and am now I am learning to let go of all things that doesn’t belong in my life no matter what it is.! Trust me and believe me that  I’ve definitely  been there and deciding everyday is a new day for no mistakes so time to throw away what doesn’t belong in my life. And if you don’t think you have, check my list below of the 5 ways you can tell if you have emotional baggage or not! I’m sure out of 5 you will have at least 3 that you can claim. As I have checked this and it’s safe to say that I can so relate and all.

 

  1. Low Relationship-Esteem. You seem to riddle your relationship with self-doubt, self-negativity and so much. You can’t find the good in yourself so you can’t find the good in your relationships, and I’m not just speaking of intimate relationships, I’m talking all relationships that we have and got, period. Business, Friendships, Partnership, etc.
  1. You’re Paranoid. You stay on watch- day and night out for any hurt; a bit suspicious, about what could happen to ruin the relationships and you have little trust in the person, without any given reason; especially if you’ve been burned in the past. But in order for a relationship to work, you have to trust each other.
  1. You Compare Your Current Relationship To Past Ones. This goes beyond the truth of simple paranoia. It’s more subtle and insidious. You find yourself when you enter into new relationships, pointing out similarities and/or almost similar character traits, personality traits, etc. in the new relationship and base it on the previous relationship; especially if the previous relationship was an abusive one. Believe you me. I used to do this a lot and that is how it affected some of my relationships that I had in the present day.  But what’s even more crazy and insane is that it may not even be similar traits; it may all be in your conditioned mind. You consistently find yourself forming new unfulfilled relationships simply because of unfortunate similarities that you equate to be equal to the past relationship.  It’s so important that we don’t filter our past relationships into our current ones and only focus on the relationship at hand
  1. You Throw Up The Wall Of… “Won’t Happen!” This is so unhealthy; not just for the relationship but for you as a person, who is trapped behind this wall, with no intentions on ever getting over it! Holding back emotions, feelings, and/or love and reliving the painful events from the past in ways that it affects your present, is not going to get you over the wall! This can only keep relationships stagnant and keep you trapped in your pain!  “It won’t happen to me no more!” Repeats itself over and over again in your mind, until the relationship is diminished and you find yourself searching for another one! And it repeats and repeats and repeats!!!
  1.  Commitment Phoebe: So now that you have decided to scale the wall a bit! Not quite over it because now it’s something else, COMMITMENT ISSUES! Commitment-phoebes are everywhere, and you don’t just have to be carry around emotional baggage to be one; but that’s a whole other article. However, in many cases, the fear of tying oneself down can be indicative of a deeper problem. If you’re not giving any of your relationships half a chance, it’s time to do some soul-searching.  There’s nothing wrong with being single, but is it what you really want?  And if it’s not, what’s making you hesitate when you come across the possibility of love, commitment and a fulfilling relationship with a significant other?

baggage 9

 

Okay, so now we are going to walk through ways that may assist you in getting over the wall and letting go of the baggage because after all; it’s all that baggage that weighing you down and hindering your ability to climb in an effort to get over it!!!

 

Step 1:  Identify and Sever the Root

This step requires our complete honesty, a willingness to dig deep and openly face your issues. For example, do you have anger issues or problem with your temper to the point that you throw things, slam doors or worse?  Obviously, the temper needs to be dealt with, but more importantly, you need to discover what lies behind the temper. Maybe you have an addiction that you’re reluctant to face such as gambling, sexual addiction, drugs/alcohol and/or perhaps you’re a shopaholic. Whatever the issue, you must be able, willing and ready to face it head on, in an effort to be cured!  All these additions are just temporary-fix magnesium to cover up or diminish the problem; the problem that has been going since you were a child; that is now deep rooted and needs to be completely dug up.  That’s the only way it’s going to die.  You can cut it down, over and over again but if it’s not up-rooted, it’s going to still be there and pop up over and over again.

Step 2:  Take Responsibility  for your own life and actions. And Stop Blaming Others.

“Momma didn’t do this, daddy didn’t do that, my uncle treated me this way, my aunt spanked me; that man cheated on me; that’s why I’m like this. This is who they made me out to be, this is who I am!”  It’s so much easier to go through life blaming our problems on others including ourselves. “I’m too fat, I can’t do it, I’ don’t know how!” But eventually you have to take responsibility for your life, your actions and your emotions.  If this is you talking… STOP IT RIGHT NOW!  IT’S OVER, NO MORE! SNAP OUT OF IT!  Your life will never get better and you will never move forward until you break the blame chain.

Step 3:  Forgive and Focus

It is crucial that you reach a point where you can truly let go of the hurt that you have experienced. “No matter how violent it was, how deep it was, how prolonged it was, no matter how much effect there’s been on your life, if you do not extend forgiveness and get focus on bettering you; you are the only person who will be stuck in bitterness and revenge city. Let go of the past and let go of the pain; forgive those who have wrong you and move forward in you purpose, even if you look in the mirror and realize that the person you had to forgive was actually you!

 

To end this piece for you all: What I want to  ask you all and for you all to think about today as well as for me to ask myself and think to myself  is to take charge over your baggage, think about how carrying all that unnecessary garbage will hinder your life (because that’s all it is, is GARBAGE) and choose to be free! It’s your choice and it’s your life! Start fresh! It’s a new year. It’s new beginning.

 

 

The difference between DISRESPECT & Standing up for yourself

The difference between DISRESPECT & Standing up for yourself

Let me tell you something and be real with you all when it comes to conflict- it sure as hell isn’t always easy for me and I am sure as guaranteed for any of yous too. It doesn’t come naturally to me or I don’t start a conflict because I want to or because I have to. NO. Far from it. I am the complete opposite. I try to eliminate and diffuse the situation QUICK SMART. I know from experience usually it’s best to be a better man or woman to at least acknowledge that there is a problem and try to fix/solve it. Or sometimes when conflict arises, we can choose to walk away from it for a time. I know that it’s easier said than done- believe me I have been there before. I don’t always like fighting or any dramas yet it does come without warning/hesitation. Let’s be real- NO ONE DOES.
No one should tolerate or put up with what the other person says/do to them. Yet, conflict is a natural response/part of our everyday life yet we need to be comfortable with the conflicts that comes our way even if we don’t like conflict. We need to learn in our everyday life in every aspect of it especially in the difficult situations and conflicts as this is learning how to stand up for ourselves. Pardon! What did I just hear you say? You’re probably thinking/asking me, right? Well, I shall say it in another way is that we need to do what is right for us and being real and true to ourselves even if others in our circle aren’t happy with the choices that we do come to face and make. Even if it means that you’ll end up being alone. When we stand up for ourselves that this can then be easily misunderstood or misinterpreted as disrespect. So what’s the real difference between disrespect and standing up for yourself?
Let me tell you: When we stand up for ourselves- We choose to speak up and against certain situations that we believe in and to not even let ourselves be walked all over/on as a doormat. We choose to speak up and against to certain situations based on choice, principles, morality and expectations on what we have for ourselves as people as well. You decide to stand up for injustice. You decided to stand up for immoral ethics. While standing up for all of this- yes we may end up standing alone and standing up for change we then will being employing the word “NO.” We stand firm and true to ourselves even when it does upset the other person. This is sure as hell isn’t easy believe you me. I know that this isn’t an easy road of LIFE. This isn’t always easy especially if the person who we’re standing up against is someone in whom we looked up to and respected.
On the other hand, however, disrespecting another person is reacting to one another instead of taking the time and respond with an open mind and a consciously approach to respond to that person. When we do react, however, we may curse, cuss, yell or be rude to the other person. It’s also important to know or to truly understand the difference between reacting and responding. There are a few people that often do choose to respond with disrespect just to spite others.This is a very emotionally immature way behave and act in this manner. As this will result to not in even more conflicts and drama but creating more enemies in the end of time.

For better understanding here is a mantra that we call can learn: Repeat this everyday,  “I must do____________________________________ out of the respect for myself. I’m sorry if you disagree with this as it’s your choice and right as you may see things differently to me.”

Another person may take your action as disrespect if you’re saying “NO.”  and not agreeing or submitting to every wish. Don’t worry about that. Just as long as you’re true and real to yourself and that you feel confident in yourself as well as that you’re not disrespecting another person. You’ll be fine.

I want to encourage you all including myself to be conscious of what you’re doing and saying. Need to remember that not everyone will always see a situation like you do in the same way. Look into your own hearts and stand up for yourselves with respecting others as well as ourselves because you can and will as well as having the right. It about self-respect and knowing your own self-worth.

Emotional Baggage: Can it affect our new relationship?

Emotional Baggage: Can it affect our new relationship?

While I have been away it has come to my attention while in my quiet time to think and meditate, I have been thinking about this alot. I know that this will affect people differently or even other people will have different views and understandings on this. But from what I have learnt so far after being in so many relationships in the past is this:  This answer will vary from person to person, yet I will say also everyone once in awhile will struggle with this based on our feelings and emotions that were in the way towards/to the person that we are trying to be with.We need to understand our feelings/emotions and that we also need to learn from them. They are there for a reason some of the feelings/emotions we feel. Sometimes, we need to confront them and also we need to be real. The question is that we need to ask ourselves is how do we deal with the “emotional baggage’? AND what the behaviour is when dealing with “emotional baggage.”

 

But in saying/writing this,  it also might be that I have finally reached a place in my life where I have matured, learnt and experienced more to where I can now be  feel thankful, blessed and grateful for all the circumstances in my past (as challenging as it may have been at times) and allow them to be situations that have helped, guided me in making better choices as I decide to move forward as best as I can for myself and no one else but ME. And in return, I can have that same awareness and point of view when it comes to someone I am dating. Sure, I still have some “red flags” now and again (who doesn’t right?)  that I do my best to avoid in relationships — things that would not work for me in the long term, etc. — but for the most part there isn’t a whole lot I am unwilling to work through with someone if I feel like it’s “worth it.”
What I can say/write here truthfully, that  we will  never really have any idea what is going on for the other person when we get into a new relationship. Because we are just starting out and that there must have been some form of spark or connection we made with that particular someone in our life that has come in.  In the beginning, things are usually at an all-time high- high like some form of ecstasy feel and no one is really thinking about anything other than love, lust, and that new sex position that had obviously never been discovered before. But as relationships do grow, progress forward and with the  intimacy we feel begins to deepen and things do start to “get real,” our issues that may not have been dealt with may or eventually will tend to surface and we can either avoid what’s going on (and have it come out later, somehow) like we abort it altogether(as the sirens starts to ring and shrill at us) – figuratively speaking;  or we can deal with it, work through it, and see what kind of positivity the outcome brings. And most of us already know what our issues are and can point them out, name them, and even pinpoint when and why they get triggered. I think today with  a lot of people that go into relationships looking to the other person to “fix” their feelings or issues. For example, in a relationship between a man and a woman, a woman might feel insecure about her body. She may ask the man to remind her over and over that she is beautiful and skinny, though even after he tells her over and over, she still does not fully believe him. In this situation, the woman is looking to the man for validation about something that can only actually come from her. Sure, it feels good to hear nice things about our bodies (or other parts), but the issues really begin when partners look to each other to  try and “fix” things. A lot of the time, people in relationships will eventually come to a place where they don’t actually want to do the personal work on themselves anymore and instead want to focus on the relationship. But this gets old so fast and that it can lead to all sorts of resentments and unhealthy dynamics that can be otherwise avoided.

 

In my personal opinion, the key to handling emotional baggage is to be aware of it, know it, own it, and handle it. I do think that open communication is helpful and necessary in any and all relationships (especially romantic relationships), but I also don’t agree that sharing every tiny detail of feelings is necessary either. Personally, I know what my baggage is. In a new relationship, it will inevitably come up but my first rule of thumb is to see how much I can handle on my own. I ask myself three questions: 1. Is this a new or old issue? 2. What is actually happening in this moment? 3. What can I do to take care of myself? If I can get to the bottom of what’s really going on (example: a jealousy issue, a trust issue, etc.) then when I do to my partner, I’m not a jumbled mess of emotions. My preference is always to handle what I can on my own, take care of myself, and then come forward to share with my partner. There’s a time and place to be emotional, and as a woman I can certainly be emotional, but handling myself with integrity is important to me in any situation. On the other side of that, it’s my hope that my partner has similar views and is aware of his own issues just as much as I’m aware of mine. Not everyone works things out in the same way, and there’s always room for compromise and understanding, but it’s much easier to have an honest, communicative and productive conversation.
The thing is, this “baggage” that we all think drives relationships apart can actually be the everlasting force to hold them together. There isn’t really anything that’s more emotionally intimate than sharing from my heart and saying what I am feeling, without asking someone to fix or change anything. It’s not my partner’s job to “make” me feel better — or less insecure or less critical of myself, or less jealous, if that’s how I’m feeling. That is all down to me. I am the one that can only do this for myself and be in control of it all. We are all human and need the time and space to experience our own feelings and emotions, and when we feel the time is right we can share them in a way that works for us. We all do have a past. We all do have a skeleton in our closet somewhere. We’ve all been hurt in one way or another and we’re all scared on some level — that’s human nature. But we  all have a choice as to how we let them impact our decisions when it comes to moving forward with someone else. Sure, we could drag our “baggage” around with us or we could realize that what’s in the past can stay there and we are free to move on  forward taking only what we really need and want. At the very least, it might result in a very different relationship and in all honesty, why not we all take the risk? Old relationships ended for a reason and you never know how special or amazing the next will be.

Forgiveness: Forgiving Others with Set Boundaries and Limits –Message to the Readers Based on What I’ve Learnt and Still Learning Today

Forgiveness:  Forgiving Others with Set Boundaries and Limits –Message to the Readers Based on What  I’ve Learnt and Still Learning Today.

 

Before I continue to write and share what’s on my mind and heart based on what I’ve learnt so far through my experiences and struggles, I’m not looking for sympathy or anything on this matter or regard to what I ‘ve written so far. No Way! What I’ve shared with you all with my open heart and trust is all based on my experiences throughout life of what I’ve learnt through my everyday struggles. I know that whatever has happened to me in the past needs to be forgotten. Yet, what we go through in life does tend to make us stronger and realise that there’ll always be some life lessons, or hidden messages along the way through life. Life is a teacher teaching us everything that we need to know through our everyday battles and struggles.

I may struggle sometimes, when it comes down to moving on forward, but I believe despite it all, I need to find a reasonable guy  in who I can trust and always turn to no matter what I may feel or think. I just need a guy to be able to understand me as well as not a little boy that would keep complaining to me of some dramas that may come now and again.

I know that we need to move forward and to try and forgive others that may have said and done wrong to us. I’m blessed to be alive no matter what had happened, as I’ve learnt now that I’m not a victim but a victor. I’m not a loser, despite losing some values that I had learnt along the way, be it my self-confidence, self-worth, integrity and more. I’m becoming a victor, despite having to pick up all the broken pieces that were left behind, and to start over and over again. This could although, seem like a never-ending battle and cycle which I endure and go through.I’m learning to choose my battles wisely. I’ve learnt that, no matter what battles and struggles that I go through, some can’t be won or fought.

I’m trying to grasp with my whole heart, life and hands to be able to trust the unknown to what needs to be done at least in the present to make my future a better one.

Yes, I strongly believe wholeheartedly that we all have our limits to what we can and can’t handle in our everyday lives.

Yes! I strongly believe wholeheartedly that we all have our limits to what we can do in our lives as well as in the lives of others that comes in our social circle. Yet, we need to remember that we can’t push them or try to change them no matter what we’ve hoped or dreamed of, based on our high expectations. In our life and journey, we are to learn, to grow, laugh, breathe, live and more.

Sometimes, I agree that life isn’t easy and that some situations we face can be difficult, yet some people may choose the easy way out by just running away from it than to confront it or tackle it head on. I believe that, we shouldn’t live our lives in the fast lane and not take the small things for granted. Sometimes, it’s like a jigsaw puzzle that mayn’t or won’t fit one way or another, but that’s okay. We shouldn’t have to live our lives in the fast lane that we need everything given to us now and on a silver platter. There are some situations we may face and we need to endure first as everything is a test in our lives – BIG and SMALL.

Have you ever felt so much burning heat or being mad at someone for what they may’ve said and done to you that it has hardened your heart with that hate, darkness and unforgiveness that in turn will cloud your thinking, perceptions, thoughts and judgement in your everyday life? Have you ever felt mad at someone for what he or she said and did to you, that the only think you think of is revenge, at whatever cost?

Have you ever felt any negativity or a form of a grudge denying the fact that you are not the problem, yet you are and not being able to accept the responsibilities and accountabilities for your own actions and words? Have you ever felt any negativity that others around you are getting ahead in their life and you’re stuck in a rut? Have you ever felt any negativity towards them that you’ll lose them as friends and all that they’ve tried to do for you were to help you, support you or even understand you as a person?

People in our lives come and goes in a season and a reason in time. Some may test us in our lives to make or break us. Sometimes, we need to know for ourselves when it’s enough or what we need to change ourselves as we all have our breaking points. We all need to learn self-respect and more to know what we can and can’t do as well as our limitations, and allow what’s acceptable and real. Again, that’s up to us by choice.

I have learnt that, sometimes it’s okay to be on our own for a while to allow us to learn more about ourselves and to grow, to be able to love ourselves and be comfortable in our own skin before sharing our life with someone that’ll come into our lives for ever. The “Forgive and forget” rule or guideline that people say to me means; I’m forgiving you with some set standards, boundaries and limits that are laid down between us. We all need to really accept what was in the past and what’s at present, no matter what’s happening or has happened. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that life is a teacher. We learn from every situation we may face, either big or small. I’m the type of person that’ll give people, whoever it may be, chances, yet learning that there’ll be a time when there will be no chances left. Giving you a chance is giving you a benefit of the doubt that you’ll change, yet it’s up to you. This is all about ‘Giving and taking’ in a relationship between the two of us

Trust is like a glass; once it is broken, it’ll take longer to fix and replace. Loyalties in relationships, as well as other factors are important. Misunderstandings, selfishness and other factors, cause a lot of relationships to end.

There are a lot of reasons why this happens, yet we need to look at every angle and find the best solution to it. I hear you say or think; why should we do this? Sometimes, people in our lives will eventually show their true colours and what they are.

This will also depend on who I let in my social circle and to socialise with the right people around me. To me, now is the time to love each other, forgive each other and being patient with one another, by allowing and accepting each other’s differences. We shouldn’t be at war as we should be able to be at peace one another, as well as being at peace within ourselves. Forgiveness tends to not always erase all the emotional scars and wounds that we’re carrying or had in the past and present. Yes, I’ll admit that it may open up the old wounds and more no matter what. Yet, we need to be able to trust ourselves through everything we go through.

Some of the emotional scars can be from our deepest hurts and darkest fears and secrets that we tend to hold so close to our hearts and chest. Then, being able to go through whatever it’s going on and what’s to become in the present and the future of the unknown and uncertainties with whatever else that’s going on like guilt, regret, hate, bitterness and more. Sometimes, there are times and days that we’ll need to let go of someone or some particular situation we’re facing as we need to move forward, based on our everyday choices- good or bad. We do learn as we make mistakes now and again and not to be afraid to make them. Yet, it’s only natural as after, all I’m human. I’ll need to learn from these mistakes. It may take others a little time, but it’s not a competition as it’s about getting to the finishing line in our own time. I’m doing the best I can, not to compare myself with others around me. I need to choose my battles wisely and to discern what’s real and not real. Forgiveness to me is being able to make the first move or first step forward to accept the differences as well as to accept whatever I can and can’t change. Forgiveness is also being able to not allow anything or anyone to affect me and my future. Forgiveness isn’t holding anything against you, and taking the negativity in my thoughts and actions away, so that in the end, you would be the one left behind.

Despite what others may say or think about you, now is the time to reflect and to change it before it’s too late or if you’re willing to change for yourself as we know that no one else can do this but YOU alone.

You may think and ask why I’m doing this to you despite how you treated and spoke to me. I’m not doing this out of pity; I’m doing this out of LOVE and more.

It’ll be good if you can be a man and apologise for the wrongdoings, taking responsibility for your own actions and words towards me. Another answer to why I’m doing this towards you is to not to live in fear, doubts, confusion, guilt and other emotional scars and wounds that I may’ve been hiding and carrying.

Forgiveness to me is making that stand by choice and not allowing anything or anyone that has come into my life in the past and present to steal anything from me, big or small. Forgiveness to me, is also not allow anything or anyone to what’ll become in the future, as it’s my choice to let this happen by letting the spirit steal or rob me of my peace, joy, hope, love and faith. Forgiveness to me; isn’t having to be angry or be jealous that’ll then lead to me seeking revenge of or on someone that may’ve done something evil in the past or present. What’ll this achieve in life? NOTHING. Seeking for revenge is like a set of chains that will hold us down with of Depression and Oppression and more, yet it can be broken based on the everyday choices, actions and decisions. Everything that we say and do starts and ends with us. I’m now making a stand to be positive and being able to acknowledge the words in my vocabulary and dictionary that I can and I will. I’m the only one responsible and accountable for everything in my life, no matter what it is or to come.

Forgiveness to me is to make peace with my past and present. It’s also taught me not allow any anger, resentment or whatever is in the past and present which’ll be in the way of my future. I need to stay strong and positive in the mind and also believe that no matter what there’ll be a brighter future for me in whatever I’m doing. I’m here for a reason and a purpose as I’ll have all my dreams and desires to be in the future and I deserve to achieve in life, and to make the impossible possible.

Where am I now at present, with myself and all? That’s a very good question at the moment. How I see it that this guy I’m currently with, just wants everything on his own and that, he thinks that relationship is hard work. But, it’s not about just thinking that you’re only there for the ride. I may’ve to put this relationship status as complicated.

I don’t really know if that’s right and is for me to decide. I know that despite what I’ve been through in the past and present, I learnt that we shouldn’t have to change ourselves too much that we forget to love ourselves or to know who and what we are as a person.

I may be old-fashioned to the point, yet this is what I am. I’ve learnt after being with this guy and wanting to speak my thoughts and opinions to at least try and love and accept him for everything he is. I believe he needs to change his attitude and thoughts about a lot of things which we’ve discussed between ourselves, yet that’s again up to him. I know and believe some people don’t wish to change their ways for the fear of the unknown and that they’re too comfortable in their own settings and surroundings. I’m not trying to change him and I believe I’m fine with what and who I am. What I’ve been through in life has taught me a lot of things and I‘ll do my best to strive for success and strive for what I desire in life. I’ve learnt never change someone due to high expectations from them or painting an image of what you want, as sometimes this doesn’t happen at all. We need to work on our differences and communicate. Sometimes, it’ll be great if we can at least, compromise and sacrifice a few things along the way. I know that I’ve had many times, lost a lot of self-esteem, self-image and more. I believe that in any relationship, it’s all about give and take. I’ve seen and heard as well as based on my own experiences that some people are only there for the ride and not for the good and bad times. No, it doesn’t work that way. To me, you’re in it for either everything or nothing at all.